It's all relative

There's a story out there about Louis B. Mayer, favourite son of Saint John, New Brunswick, and his meeting with Albert Einstein.

Mayer had been briefed by his staff re why Einstein was famous; he'd come up with the theory of relativity.

So when they finally have a face-to-face, Mayer is alleged to have said, "hey, great to finally meet you! I've got a theory about my relatives too!"

I bring that up only because me and the Farm Manager got into a bit of a shooting match today. She'd read something on the internet about Trump going after Canada's dairy farmers.

"So it looks like your pal Trump is going after our dairy farmers," she says.

My pal Trump?

Them's fightin' words.

I owe Trump a debt of gratitude for the same reason every thinking person owes him; he deep-sixed two of America's most toxic political clans!

Beyond that, there's not much of a palship. Besides, who knows how toxic the Trump clan is gonna be. It's an open question.

Be that as it may, I passed over my initial impulse to ignore the FM's provocations and came back with, "don't worry about our dairy farmers. Trudeau already sold those guys down the river with the European trade deal."

And that's true. Under CETA the Europeans will bring an extra hundred tons or so of real European cheese into Canada every year. That's the kiss of death for pretty much every artisanal cheese-maker in the land. Who's gonna buy Canadian "Swiss" cheese at the Metro when the Swiss Swiss cheese is on for half the price right next to it in the deli counter?

Nobody, that's who.

But that's not what got her pissed. No, she's a Trudeau fan from way back. She even named one of her kids after Trudeau the elder. She didn't waste any time coming back against my Trudeau diss.

Next thing I know she's standing there with the Cooey repeater pointed in my general direction.

Ha ha! She doesn't even know how to load the thing! No worries!

"Just back off on Justin," she says.

"Ha ha..." I rejoinder.

She pulls the trigger.

Holy shit! That just missed my head! Did I leave a round in there the last time I was ground-hog hunting?

I made a break for the stairs and retrieved the old Browning side-by-side out of the dressing room.

This is dicey. I've got the advantage in fire-power but that side-by-side is overkill when you're having an indoor gun battle.

Put a .22 slug through the wall and you can patch up the damage with a dollop of drywall mud.

Loose a couple rounds from the Browning, and holy shit!...

You pretty much have to hire in a contractor to fix the damage.

And that's never a good idea. They've always got nosy questions... "so how did you manage to accidentally discharge your shotgun twice while walking down the stairs?" Next thing you know the cops are there enquiring about gun permits.

That kind of thing.

So I knew it was time for de-escalation. Talk her down instead of take her down. After all, in spite of these occasional gun episodes me and the Farm Manager don't actually want to harm one another.

We engage in a protracted debate about the pros and cons of "free trade."

We both heard Dominic Barton on Michael Enright's show last week. Dominic was all about how great "free trade" is and what a great contribution temporary foreign workers are making to the economy.

I knew I could use this avenue to smooth over my Justin diss. "You know," I said, "Irving doesn't really need to hire tree cutters from Romania. They could just pay a decent wage and the local folks would be all over it."

"And maybe if the lobster processors on the East Coast paid a living wage, they'd find help at home too."

She was warming up. Realized I hadn't intended a personal insult on Trudeau the younger.

"See, it's all relative. Eleven bucks an hour may be a shit wage in Canada, but get a guy out of Romania or Bulgaria, or even better, Somalia, and eleven bucks an hour is golden!"

It's all relative.

And that's why temporary foreign workers are so beloved by Canadian employers.

Times haven't changed, but Donald Trump sure has

I was looking for something else when I came across this post  from almost a year before the election.

Yup, a year before the election Trump was standing tall against Adelson and Netanyahu.

No wonder so many gullible rubes bought the bullshit!

What a difference an election victory makes.

Israel just announced 15,000 new builds for Jews only in East Jerusalem.

What do you imagine the guy who stood up to Sheldon and Bibi on the campaign trail will have to say about that, now that he's the President?

Kissinger? Hey, maybe for $100,000.00 we can entice him to the Munk Debates

In some bizarre way I kinda admire the old war criminal.

It's about longevity, not politics.

He's been a happening dude on the world stage since what, the Nixon era?

I've read he's feeding strategic advice to Trump.

He's gotta be at least 100 years old.

I guess killer instincts don't have a stale-date.

And if nothing else, Kissinger was blessed with an abundance of killer instincts.

Good news for war crime fanboys in Toronto

My Globe and Mail informs me this morning that "prominent Toronto philanthropist" Peter Munk has donated five millions in pocket change to ensure that the "Munk debates" outlive him.

This will allow Toronto to survive as a "hub for intellectual discussion." It's not clear if writer Luke Carroll actually spoke with Munk or debate chair Rudyard Griffiths, or if he's just working from a corporate press release, but the thought that Toronto needs Munk's money to foster some vague sense of intellectual maturity is truly beyond hokum.

Munk's money will allow this staged pseudo-intellectual media event to continue paying the speakers fees demanded by "some of the world's most prominent thinkers."

Like Tony Blair and Henry Kissinger?!

Get the f*ck outta here!

The only speech I'd ever want to hear from either of those blood-drenched war criminals will come from the prisoner's docket at the ICC.

Silver linings and the Ontario Basic Income

Been giving some thought to the recently rolled out pilot project for the Ontario Basic Income. There's a lot to be said for the concept, which essentially gives $17,000/year to EVERY Ontario resident age 18 or over, regardless of need, means, race, creed, etc.

All well and good. There is in fact a lot to be said for it, and one day soon I'll say it. But for now, consider this:

You're a parent who spawned a batch of millennials. Three or four or five maybe. Due to your inattention to the gathering storm of video addiction, you didn't notice WTF was going on till you woke up one day and realized that you had three or four or five twenty-something gamers living in your basement while you go to work every day.

They can't hold a job long enough to collect EI.

They don't qualify for welfare because they live under your roof.

They're a complete drag on your finances and your life...

Well, put your suicidal thoughts aside!

Those losers in your basement just became a profit centre!

Do the math.

If you've got one millennial living downstairs your up seventeen thou.

If you're a staunch Catholic or Muslim and have five or more of the useless shits living in your downstairs, you're up 85 big ones or more!

Thank you Kathleen!

Mind you, I guess there's always the chance they'll pool their resources and buy a condo or something...

At least they'll be out of your house.

If a dude done this he'd be on the cover of the Rolling Stone

He'd also be voted guitar player of the year.

But when a woman does this, you'll find her album in the remainder bin.

Go Jo!

How do you solve a problem like Erdogan?

Spring has sprung and the air is thick with booga-booga.

The world is awash with bad guys. Who will threaten America's security next? We're fighting off despots and evil-doers on all sides... Assad, Putin, those towel-heads 'o terror in Iran, the nut job in North Korea. What is poor Donald to do?

Meanwhile, on the fringes of Europe, an even greater despot than any of the above gets a free pass. Why? Because in spite of everything, Erdogan's Turkey remains a NATO stalwart. Remember NATO? That combine of anti-communist nations bound together by our shared values?

Shared values like freedom and democracy and a free press and all that shit?

All long gone in NATO stalwart Turkey.

Where is the outrage?

Where is the armada (powerful) steaming towards Turkey's shores?

Not happening is where.

The current hit-list for the Masters of Empire looks something like this, in order of importance: Syria, Yemen, Venezuela, Iran.

Turkey doesn't even make the long list, never mind the short list!

So how do you solve a problem like Erdogan?


What problem?