Send me money and you'll save a tree

It's a brutal sort of torture to hear the motorboats on Bass Lake but not be able to enjoy the shorefront.

Once in awhile when there's a poker run on I can even hear the big boats thundering down Colpoy's Bay, Donzis and Scarabs with twin 502s and open exhaust. That's got to be at least five miles from here.

But on Bass Lake I can hear a 9.9 outboard when it's trolling towards this end of the lake. I own the marsh at the north end of the lake and in my view that should entitle me to lake access.

What I need is an Argo. I was looking at a six-wheeler about a year ago that was available at a good price, and in hindsight I wish I'd moved on it. What I really want though is an eight-wheeler. That'll get the whole family through the marsh and onto the lake, no worries.

Problem is, it's hard do find a decent used one for less than 10 thou, and then you might as well consider new, by which time you're closer to 20. The only way I'm going to get the spare scratch for that is to sell off some of those red oaks back on the hill.

And I would really hate to do that. They are magnificent trees.

Alas, they are also valuable trees. I could sell off enough for the Argo and still have plenty left.

And by God, do I need that Argo. Especially on these hot humid dog days of summer. Why are they "dog" days? My dogs hate this weather. But in an eight-wheeler they could enjoy the ride instead of running behind through the marsh.

I've heard that the marsh is "protected wetland" but as far as I'm concerned that's an unsubstantiated allegation not yet proven in court. I'll be driving my Argo through my marsh till the courts tell me otherwise.

But I'm getting ahead of myself...

I really hate to cut down those magnificent red oaks, so here's the deal; I need twenty grand for the Argo. The first twenty people who send me a thousand bucks will each get a plaque appended to a red oak that they adopted, along with a solemn vow that their tree will not be touched so long as I am the steward of Falling Downs.

Make your money order payable to D. Neumann, General Delivery, Kemble ON Canada, N1H 1S0.