Biden warns Americans his Russia sanctions will cause food shortage in US

That'll teach the Rooskies a lesson!

And if they don't smarten up, we'll tighten up those sanctions, and cause even more hunger in America!

I'd like to think I'm just making shit up, as I sometimes do, but no. 

This is an actual story on America's most patriotic news channel. 

Excuse me, but we're way past retarded here...

Meanwhile, from what I've been hearing, Russia is totally self sufficient in foodstuffs. Nobody gonna skip dinner in Russia on account of US sanctions!

But Americans gotta tighten their belts?...

Of course!

Buck up, America!

Victory is at hand!