Important fart management considerations for seniors

It's almost mid-January here at Falling Downs, and I have yet to pick up a snow shovel. Yet another blessing in this hillbilly's life. Here's another one. A few minutes ago I stepped out on the stoop for a breath of fresh air, and since I was out there anyway, a piss. That's the beauty of country living. You can go whenever nature calls when your house is a quarter mile off the road. As that's going on, I feel a potential fart building up. A couple of years ago, this would have been problematic. Before I went gluten-free I was suffering a serious decline in fart predictability. That's where you think it's gonna be a fart, but... oopsie! That only has to happen once or twice before you're 100% paranoid about anything, ANYTHING, that might become a fart. But when I cut out the gluten, that changed almost overnight. I'm pleased to report I peeled off a triple-banger out there on the stoop in complete confidence!