Jiggin' cod and jackin' moose; why Newfoundland will always survive

I'm an English-as-second-language guy to begin with, so it took time to appreciate the nuances of the language. But in the seventy years since I got off the boat, I've lived on the East Coast, the West Coast, and a few spots in between, and I gotta say nothing comes close to the story-telling culture of the Maritimes. I would have to put the Newfs at the top of the heap. I spent two years in the Irving Shipyard in Saint John, working cheek-by-jowl with guys from all over the maritimes. My first few months at the yard were spent outfitting the engine bay on the HMCS Vancouver. As an aside, the Vancouver was referred to as "the love boat" after a couple of British electricians were allegedly caught in a pants-off moment. Anyway, I'm down there with about a dozen other guys, most of whom are Newfoundlanders. We're about six or seven flights of stairs below deck, so we can hear management approaching a long time before they arrive. That is conducive to a very relaxed work environment. I remember writing a letter to my parents from that engine room, and the first line was "from where I'm writing this I can see at least six people sleeping." But when we weren't napping, we did somehow get the ships done, and they're out on the seven seas to this day enforcing freedom of navigation in the strait of Taiwan or somesuch horseshit which has no conceivable link to Canada's national security. Anyway, the Newfs are a garrulous lot. When they weren't napping in that engine room they NEVER stopped talking! The stories I heard! There was a kid from Grand Falls who was my apprentice for a spell who shared the story of the mysterious German who'd settled there after the war. When the old square-head kicked the bucket, Buddy and his pals looted the joint before the morgue crew arrived, and discovered a treasure-trove of Nazi memorabilia! Of course they did! It wouldn't amount to much of a yarn if it was just ya we thought about it but decided against it. And you know for sure that Newfoundlanders will always come down on the side of basic human decency. Then there was other Buddy with the tale of his pal, let's call him Other other Buddy, phoning up to share the good news that he'd liberated several cases of tinned corned beef from a rail siding nearby. I didn't know they ever had trains in Newfoundland, but apparently that part of the story could be true. So Buddy heads over to other Buddy's place, or we might be at Other Other Buddy's place at this point in the story. But back to the original Buddy who's sharing this story in the engine room of the HMCS Vancouver. Other Buddy goes over to (let's keep the Buddy thing simple) his buddy's place, and the first line off is lips is "that's not corned beef, that's fucking dogfood!" But that's not the punchline. Other Buddy comes back with "keep your voice down man, if the kids hear that they won't eat it!" And that just exploded the entire engine room crew into a massive laughing fit. Truth be told, Newfoundlanders have always had their own culture, since long before they joined Canada, and in spite of everything that has transpired since. The reason there's Newfs everywhere from Ontario's industrial heartland to Alberta's oil patch is because these folks routinely uproot their lives to make sure their children eat well. And in a worst-case scenario, there's still the cod and the moose.

The enshitification of everything

The weather, for example. Time was, it was kinda predictable. Now, with untold scientific advances that allow us to declare it's all about climate change, it seems we can't predict much of anything. How much of a heads up did the folks in Cape Breton get for the 1000 years storm that just blew through? The weather also seems more unpredictable on a personal level. Seems to me it used to be the norm that when it's summer you would get out of bed and dress accordingly. Now I find myself changing three times a day. It gets too hot by noon, so you change into shorts, and a few hours later the temp has dropped ten degrees and you change again. It was in the course of the most recent change, back into my Levis, that I made the observation that all the Levis I owned had holes in the knees except the two pair I'd bought in the past year. How is such a thing even possible? There was a time when you could literally get through life with two pairs of pants; your work Levis and your Sunday best Levis, and both would last ten years before the knees blew out. The enshitification of the iconic Levi Strauss brand is but a symptom of a long sad decline that America and her satrapys are trapped in. Somewhere along the way One Nation Under God became a nation that worshipped only one God, the God of Mammon. Greed was good now! The dumbfucks in industry who built stuff to last were seriously deluded. Why in hell would any sane management team allow the manufacture of a washing machine that would last twenty years? I know it's hard to believe, but there was a time not that long ago that building quality products was considered a fundamental American value. Well, has that ever gone out the window! Once we embraced worship of the golden calf it was never again the guy who designed quality who made it to the corner office. It was the guy who designed the washing machine that broke down within months of the three year warranty expiry. The suckers are now having to buy five washing machines in those twenty years instead of one! That's the guy we want to lead the company!

New houses vs. 100 year-old houses

As I was coming in from the stoop an hour ago, it crossed my mind, however briefly, that the kitchen floor might be due for a re-do soon. The hundred-year-old maple floor is starting to show its age. That's not a surprise. Hardwood floors might show some wear and tear after 100 years, but here's what's truly messed up. It's almost impossible to find a new build today that has real hardwood floors. Instead, you are offered a range of options from "engineered hardwood," to, if such an abomination can even be imagined, "luxury vinyl flooring." The modern ed system has so destroyed critical thinking skills that the general public today is convinced engineered hardwood must be vastly superior to non-engineered old-school hardwood. Little do they realize those high-end "engineered hardwood" floors in their million-dollar Mcmansions are gonna need swapped out in ten years max, if you got the high-end "engineered" hardwood, or even sooner if you got the standard contractor grade. On the other hand, if you happen to have the real deal old-school hardwood floors that were put down well over 100 years ago in old farmhouses, and you figure it's time to freshen them up, you can rent a sander at Home Depot and between that and a couple gallons of Varathane you're good for another hundred years!

Summer's over

I've been sitting out on the stoop all afternoon (without laptop, I'll have you know) listening to the tractor action across the marsh. They've got some hayfields on the hillside over there, and from the sounds of things, they're blowing silage into wagons. Buddy has a fleet of John Deere tractors, ranging from the 1930s to the state-of-the art stuff he's not allowed to repair without permission from Deere HQ in Moline. That 1930's era Deere was, if I'm not mistaken, the first John Deere model with rubber tires all round. Buddy's grampa bought it new. It only comes out a couple of times per year now, either for blowing silage or spreading manure. Pretty sure they're still claiming depreciation on that puppy ninety years after it left the dealer's showroom! The reason grampa's heirs are beef farmers today is because he left them hundreds of acres of hayfields and pasturelands mortgage free. Enjoy your range-fed steaks while you can, because once this generation of beef farmers goes to the big ranch in the sky, your steaks will come from cattlebeasts tethered to a 24/7 feed trough inside a factory farm their entire lives. There was a time I would have considered that as animal abuse, but I've reconsidered. When you watch folks at an all-you-can-eat joint, they're basically doing the same thing. Do they feel abused? No, they'll happily pay for the privilege again next all-you-can-eat day. As I've mentioned, there's a local lad recently put up a $6 million "finishing barn" that houses 600 head. He inherited a long-time beef operation when his dear daddy passed a few years ago. He had the collateral to secure millions in financing. He'll look like a genius till interest rates go up. Then his lenders will seize the farm that's been in his family since pioneer days, and he'll be driving a snowplow to keep his kids in groceries. Spent some time with my brother "the kid" over the weekend. To say the kid has had an interesting life is to understate matters in the extreme. He's a collector too, although of guitars rather than tractors. He spent a few years of his extravagantly misspent youth as the guitar tech for several up-and-coming Canadian rock bands that, unfortunately, never really went anywhere. He's got as many Fenders and Gibsons as my neighbour has John Deeres. So here we sit on Labour Day 2026, awaiting the end of the world. Ya, maybe nuclear apocalypse really is just around the corner, but maybe somebody can put together a blues-rock jam while we're waiting. I'll bring my harp.

What's wrong with kids these days?

If you spend any time at all on news you know it's universal doom 'n damnation all round for the lot of us. If global warming doesn't do us in, the coming ice age surely will. Or the next pandemic. Or the next vaccine, bio-engineered to make you doubt your sanity. Or Putin's war on Freedom and Democracy. Or Trump's next brain fart. Or the Iranian nuke. Or the Ayatollas'never-ending campaign to obstruct God's Will in the Middle East... it goes on and on! And that's just the big picture. Zoom in on the micro level and things get worse, if such a thing can even be imagined. Housing is unaffordable, decent jobs for grads are scarce, post-secondary ed's 6-number toll in debt peonage for a degree makes no financial sense whatsoever,and if you miraculously survive all that, AI's gonna wreck your career anyway, so why even bother... it's a hopeless world. And I see stories constantly about how young folks are making the only sensible choice possible by choosing NOT to bring children into this hellscape. That's why I don't understand what's wrong with kids these days, kids I had a hand in rearing. I would have thought they'd know better, but I had to ferry the Farm Manager down City way today to chill out with her new grandson! Yup, no matter the futility of bringing new lives into this doomed world, my dear stepdaughter gifted us one anyway. And if that's not bad enough, my daughter just announced she's bringing a second into this godforsaken world. Well, for my money, these gals should be applauded, saluted, and celebrated. They are well educated, and their children will be too. There's absolutely no reason to withhold our support. Their children will be our last bulwark of defence against the rabble you saw racing Jetskiis around the pool at the Lincoln Memorial in the first 15 minutes of the famous Michael Moore doc, "Idiocracy." Anyway, ain't much wrong with these kids that I can see.

What I hear from the stoop at night; crickets, cows, and coyotes

This is what happens when I shut the laptop and just experience the moment for a moment... I notice all sorts of things I never notice with it open. Like the crickets, and I think I detect perhaps a soprano line coming from the cicadas. And the frogs still have the rythym section going on with their steady bass beat. Nothing like a million frogs croaking in unison to keep things moving! Not sure what's got the cows revved up tonight. It's deep into calving season for the guys who graze their beef herd at Falling Downs. They were telling me the other day there's been a black bear in the neighbourhood, so maybe that's got them nervous. They've been having trouble with their electric fences because the bear just walks through them instead of stepping over them. Then the fence grounds out, and the calves, most of whom would normally be deterred, make a beeline for the apple trees on the other side! Generally, bears are seen and not heard. We saw an adult black bear ambling through a hayfield a few years ago. Then he got into a pasture with maybe a dozen cow-calf pairs. What ensued was absolutely amazing to witness. Four or five of the mamma cows went to greet Mr. Bear and the rest gathered up the calves and formed a defensive zone around them. The bear decided in short order that veal would not be on the menu for him, at least on that day. Then there's the guys you seldom see but hear almost every night, the coyote choir. They really know how to whoop it up! My understanding is they're celebrating a kill. Of course they celebrate... the family will be feasting large tonight! What I find vaguely disconcerting is my neighbours a quarter mile to the north hear them to their south, and I hear them to my north, which suggests there's a substanial coyote population in that quarter mile. Yet, I walk through the woods and the fields often, and aside from scat on the gravel sideroad, you never see any sign of them. The neighbour figures they shit on roads because they don't like the feel of grass on their ass, but I'm guessing that's more local farmer lore than official scientific fact. It's amazing how my appreciation for life's infinite daily taken-for-granted blessings only come into focus when I put the laptop away. But then, after a few hours of mindfullness, I gotta flip that baby open and write a post about it...

Will Canada or Greenland become the 51st state?

My money's on Greenland achieving statehood before Canada. Greenland is a protectorate of Denmark, which has zero capacity to actually protect it in the event Mr Trump makes a move. I heard the Danish PM in a presser today talking about her nation's resilience and resistance. While, militarily speaking, her country is a non-entity, it remains a NATO member - the most powerful military alliance in history. But that was then. Nobody anywhere, other than in media boardrooms in NATO countries, still imagines NATO anything other than a paper tiger. Russia has not only succeeded in demilitarizing Ukraine, it has largely demilitarized NATO to boot! Hope the poor gal doesn't hold her breath waiting for an Article 5 miracle. On the other hand, Canadian PM Carney seems to keep the volume down vis-a-vis pushing back against the Bully. That's a strategy bound to pay off... we'll NEVER be the 51st state... we'll be the 52nd.