Death spiral of Alberta economy wildly exaggerated

It's been nothing but bad news out of Alberta for the past year or so.

Yup, first the price of oil goes for a shit.

Then Notley's socialist hordes seize power...

That's pretty much gotta be the end of the road for the Wildrose province.

I've got a soft spot for Alberta. Put in some time there back in the '70s. In fact, the all-time worst welding gig I ever had was in Edmonton.

Worked at an outfit called Tandem Industries. Decent enough rate of pay, and, for the most part, a nice variety of work. Tandem did truck and trailer maintenance and repair. They claimed to be the only place in the West, north of California, to be certified in repairing the big compressed gas tankers.

But, that wasn't the only stuff they repaired. The worst job ever was when an offal truck came in for a rework. In case you don't know, offal is the stuff left over at abattoirs after they've made every possible bit of edible protein into hot-dogs or chicken nuggets. I'm not sure where it goes, but they use tanker trucks to take it there.

So with the gazillion doom and gloom stories festooning the nation's news platforms, I thought I'd pay a visit to the Canada Job Bank for a look-see. Are there any jobs out there at all?

What an eye-opener! Search "heavy equipment mechanic, Alberta" and there's dozens of open jobs!

Search "welder, Alberta," and you gets stuff like this; Jacobs Industrial Services has thirty welding jobs open. Now. At $45.79 per hour.

So it's not all doom and gloom after all. The 300 horsepower snowmobile and the 75 grand pick-up truck are still within reach if you've got the right tickets!

But back to the '70s. That offal rig needed a partial re-skin. That involved mostly working inside the tank. As soon as this unit was pulled into the shop you had guys retching all over the place. Man was it foul! Needless to say nobody stepped up for this assignment, so we drew straws.

Me and Buddy got the two shortest. Buddy was probably the top gun in that shop, a can-do overachiever who had ambitions of opening his own shop. I was a pot-addled wanker with no ambitions whatsoever.

So first day we had to climb into that tank, I was mostly pre-occupied with fighting my retch reflex.

We drag in fans, O-A hoses, welding cables, more fans, and we're good to go.

It's amazing how fast you acclimatize to the absolutely foulest of smells. After a couple of hours you didn't even notice it.

Buddy the overachiever figures we can do this job in two days max. But because he's a favorite with the front office, he's privy to inside info; he knows they've told the client this is a two week job, and by God, we're going to live up to their expectations!

So I'm clambering into that tank as of day two with a coffee in hand and a Edmonton Journal in the back pocket of my Big Bill overalls. Even though the unit was allegedly steam cleaned before it came into the shop, there's a two or three inch crust of petrified offal encrusted on the sides of the tank, which is literally seething with maggots. You'd sit there for an hour or two burning off the maggots with a rosebud before you could get round to any actual work.

We realized from the get-go that there was zero likelihood of any supervisors paying a surprise visit to this particular job. I was therefore able to read the Journal cover to cover and mostly complete the crossword puzzle before we even fired up the torches. Buddy used to disappear for long stretches at a time... I think he was already getting his own business off the ground.

But who wants to read the paper with the walls around them writhing with maggots? I didn't last long at that job. As for Buddy, I hear through the grape-vine that he went on to huge success in his own business and is a millionaire many times over.

As for the prospects for young folks thinking about a career in Alberta today, get yourself the right credentials and it is obviously still a land of opportunity.

Especially if you don't mind reading among the maggots.

Introducing Uber policing

Here's a thought; why not replace your local police force with an Uber app on your smartphone?

After all, if Uber can replace regulated cabbies, why not let them replace regulated law enforcement as well?

My ruminations re: Uber policing were triggered by an opinion column in the Toronto Star by a couple of criminologists at U of Ottawa. It's titled We need a leaner, modern police service, and can be found on page A15 of today's paper.

No, I'm not providing a link. You can buy the paper like I did.

So with your Uber-cops, instead of dialling 911, you'll just hit the Uber app.

The nearest Uber-cop will respond way quicker than a conventional cop to whatever emergency you happen to be mixed up in.

Neighbour's party too loud? Hell, this doesn't require the services of two or more $100,000/year Toronto Police Services constables to sort out. Some off-season CFL linebacker can fix that up for twenty bucks!

And that's mostly the kind of stuff "real cops" do when they're not directing traffic.

Yup, Professors Kempa and Waller are onto something here. And they should know. Being professional academics, they've seen how a leaner, modern professoriat has taken over teaching in universities across the country.

In fact, most of the "teaching" your kid is gonna get at the undergrad level when she toddles off to U of Ottawa or any other school in North America is going to be provided by "sessionals" or "adjunct professors." Those are folks with Doctor Phils working full-time hours for poverty wages, hoping against hope that eventually they'll find a tenure track position.

Like Professor Kempa and Professor Waller.

Ya, even though these guys are prescribing lean and modern for the cops, they're part of the old school Ivory Tower, not the lean and modern professoriat.

The Ontario "sunshine list" shows associate professor Michael Kempa pulling down $122,000 for 2014. Full professor Irvin Waller clocks in at $171,000.

That's the kind of guys who give lectures on the importance of other people working for less!

My Facebook shame

Back in the days of the over-hyped build-up to the Facebook IPO the think tank here at Falling Downs revelled in playing the party pooper.

"Go short, my friends!"

Indeed, for about six short months, I looked like a genius!

Folks have generally forgotten that FB lost 50% of its IPO price in the first six months after they went public.
That October you could buy Facebook shares for less than half the issue price, but why would you?...

Fast forward four years; FB hit a new high today; $112. That's roughly a 300% gain on the issue price. Or a 600% gain on the lows of that October.

Good thing I'm just an amateur stock-picker; I only lose my own money.

What up with Sting @ NBA All Star game?

Whoa!!!... somebody had a brain cramp!

Sting doing the half-time show at the NBA All Star game?

Because...?

The fans want him?  Not!

Here's our theory - Adam Silver's been a fan for a long time, and they're neighbours in Manhattan, so why not?

BECAUSE IT'S THE DUMBEST IDEA EVER!!!

Toronto Star boss calls SunPostMedia boss a liar

Oh, you gotta love it when the Big Dogs get into a catfight!

And you gotta love how John Honderich hedges the truth... he doesn't out and out call Godfrey a liar; he simply suggests he is "trifling with the truth."

Jeez, I wish I'd been acquainted with that particular turn of phrase in my childhood!

Honest, mom, I wasn't lying, I was just trifling with the truth!

Into your room (wack) you little shit (wack) trifling with the truth (wack) is LYING! (wack, wack, wack!).

Mr. Honderich is of course trifling with the truth just a bit himself on this one. Claiming that Torstar offered "a bid of around $800 million" is more than a little disingenuous.

So do tell, Mr. Honderich; how much of that $800 million was fresh unencumbered cash, and how much was taking over CanWest debt obligations?

Why would it ever be right to give less to native children?...

That's the question Cindy Blackstock is asking today.

Well Cindy, "Old Stock" Canada has the answer for you.

As everybody knows, you people just waste the money.

When you're not spending it on booze, you're spending it on meth or crack.

Old Stock Canadians understand that giving you and your folks more money is just a recipe for disaster.

That's why Old Stock Canadians want to help you with underfunding!

Underfunding for health care.

Underfunding for education.

Underfunding for housing.

Underfunding for addiction treatment...

I could go on, but I think you'll agree that we've pretty much got the underfunding thing nailed when it comes to First Nations...

Just remember; it's for your own good!

Postmaster Godfrey elected to Canadian News Hall of Shame

I see where SunPostMediaNetworks boss Paul Godfrey has been elected to the Canadian News Hall of Fame.

Contrary to what some naysayers have been trying to tell you (probably just sour grapes from some of the thousands of journos fired by Mr. Godfrey, who has been the most prolific terminator of journalists in the history of Canadian journalism), there actually IS a Canadian News Hall of Fame - it's downtown right next to the Hockey Hall of Fame.

No shit. Been there. Seen it with my own eyes.

Since Godfrey was never a typesetter or a journalist, you'll find him in the "Builder's Section." Yup, just like the hockey guys, they've got a Builder's Section. That's where you'll find Max Aiken and Conrad Black.

And as of a couple of months back, Paul Godfrey.

Now, I know there's bound to be a few cynics who are gonna claim that Godfrey has been more of an "un-builder" than a builder; a destroyer if you will. (See ref to sour grapes above.)

But look at it this way; times have changed. New times present new challenges, and in spite of these challenges the Postmaster has succeeded in creating the largest conglomeration of news titles in the history of this fair land!

Yes, the days where we felt obliged to hold a Royal Commission on concentration of media ownership at least once every decade are long behind us, obviously.

Not only that, but Godfrey has managed to shake off the shackles of the onerous and entirely arbitrary "Canadian Ownership" regs as well! Today's Canadian news colossus is 100% at the mercy of the US vulture funds that have been bleeding it to death since its inception.

Congratulations Mr. Godfrey!