Alcohol and testosterone and a 500 horsepower car... what could go wrong?

Out of the blue I got a call from my old pal Barney (not his real name) last night. Gotta say this took me by surprise, as I think I've only talked to the fucker once in the last forty years, which was on the occassion of his 50th birthday. But way back when we were troubled youths, as all youths inevitably are, we were pretty tight. Barney shared my appreciation for a dram of the good stuff now and then, and he was also an early afficianado of the weed 'o wisdom. Unlike me, however, he had true leadership skills, and was forever leading not only me, but the rest of the crew, into one regrettable shit-show after another. I'm not talking about serious crime here. I'm talking about juvenile hooligansim that only gets massively amplified after you've had a few drams. And it takes its toll on the pocketbook. If defending yourself in a Barney-instigated bar-room brawl got you an assault charge, your lawyer fees fucked your beer and weed budget for months! But I have to tip my cap to Barney in the 500 hp department. Anybody who knows anything about the muscle car era remembers the 375 hp Nova SS 396. That was the solid lifter version rumoured to make 500 hp in factory trim. That was a big deal at the time. Barney owned two of them! Today every Tesla on the road can beat it in a drag race. Alas, adolescence doesn't last forever, and we managed to skip the dying young option on life's journey. And here we are, at an age it never occurred to us that we'd ever get to! That's gotta be worth a celebratory dram or two!