Monday, May 30, 2016

Multi-culti crowd exchanges fisticuffs in multi-culti capital of Canada - over parking space

I've only been to Costco once or twice in my life, and as a "guest," not as a member. Like what the hell is that, some sort of cult of consumerism?

Anyway, you'd think all those cult members would share some basic values, beyond knowing how to fill a shopping cart with crap they don't need, at the best price. But apparently those shared values don't extend to passing up the very last parking slot in a thousand acre parking lot.

At some level I think this is also a good case in support of gun control. If any of those folks had been packing when the red descended on them, somebody'd be dead!

Then again, knowing the other guy probably has a Glock in the glovebox might incline one to shut-up and just look for another parking space.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

My career in (dis) organized crime

Back in the day, everybody I knew was a dope dealer. Yup, they'd score an ounce of weed for eighty bucks, sell off three quarter ounce baggies to friends and acquaintances, and come away with enough profit to pick up a case of beer. Plus keep back a quarter for their own smoking pleasure.

That's how it worked, and generally speaking, it worked pretty well.

More than once I tried to take things to the next level. It always ended badly.

The logic is logical enough; if you can turn an ounce of weed into a case of beer plus a free quarter ounce... hell, what might happen if you actually bought a pound?

Or ten pounds?

Here's what happens.

First of all, you find ten pounds doesn't come wrapped in individual one ounce baggies, or quarter ounce baggies for that matter.

Somebody gotta do that work.

So you scrounge up a bunch of hired help from amongst your pothead pals, and pay them an hourly rate to divvy up that ten pounds of weed into quarter ounce parcels.

Hmm... what could go wrong?

Not only does one day of work, paid hourly, turn into three weeks, but by the time it's over you've got five pounds of weed on offer, not ten.

And since none of your pothead buddies ever had cash to pay up front, you were always fronting them the goods and collecting later.


Maybe not.

And if not, then what?

Break their legs?

Kidnap their dogs?

Strike them from your Christmas card list?

See the problem here?

And that's why I was a complete failure in setting up my own drugs cartel.

Saturday, May 28, 2016

The Trump/Putin kiss

Here's the story at BBC.

Here's the image that BBC finds worthy of featuring:

A mural by Mindaugas Bonanu (Credit: Petras Malukas/AFP/Getty Images)

So why is this newsworthy?

All I'm seeing is a juvenile pastiche of homophobia/Trump-bashing/Putin-bashing.

Frankly, I'm hoping that those two men can get along once Trump is POTUS.

And hey, should they become lovers, so much the better! They'll each be that much less likely to incinerate the other's extended family in a nuclear Armageddon!

Junior's impeccable lawnmower logic

Had a lunch date with Junior last week, when I was down in the City attending to some medical issues. Yup, the old "temple" is collapsing in on itself faster than this pile of red bricks we call "Falling Downs."

Anyway, I was explaining the lawnmower woes to him, and I must say he provided some refreshing insights. As the regular reader will know, I have a long-standing aversion to riding mowers. One reason I have defied Dr. E.J. Crispin's dire prediction of forty years ago (to wit; you'll be dead soon) is because I'm pretty religious about getting regular exercise.

For sure! I'll walk five miles to meet my drug dealer instead of taking the car, if you know what I mean. It's that namby-pamby soft life-style that kills off the aging addicts, not the actual addiction. So I've always seen the push mower as an integral part of the exercise regimen, at least till this week.

So after hearing my compelling yarn about how and why my dandelions came to be three feet high, he says "Dad, you gotta get over yourself; get a fucking riding mower already."

Truth be told, I'd already been guiltily eyeballing the riding mowers. Home Depot has a sweet little John Deere number on offer for two grand. My inner Calvanist immediately says "OK asshole, spend two grand to avoid exercise; you'll die soon and you're going to hell."

I generally give my inner Calvanist short shrift, but this observation has been haunting me. Therefore Junior's logic struck me as quite liberating. He says, "Dad, if you get a ride-on, you can think of it as sitting down and having a beer."

Hmm... he's right! The lawn will be done in half the time, and it won't be time spent pushing around a walk-behind in the hot sun, and that wee Deere does in fact have a cup holder; I'll just be sitting down having a beer!... while steering a little John Deere!

Thanks pal!

Dear Lord, may these be the last Olympic Games. Ever. Amen.

Have you noticed the tsunami of bad press around all things Brazilian recently? From government corruption to gang rapes to the Zika virus, things are just going from bad to worse. Just in time for the Olympics.

Olympic Games have become a complete boondoggle. They're vanity projects for the political types who champion them. They're a windfall for the contractors who build the facilities. They're a showcase that allow a few international brands to bask in a vastly subsidized spotlight for a couple of weeks.

While it's true that the Games will permit a few genetically engineered freaks to convert their gold medals into membership in the realm of the beautiful people, it seems to me that they are otherwise devoid of meaningful impact on humanity at large. In fact the opposite is true. The host city typically displaces tens of thousands of ordinary people to build their "world class" facilities. Those are the people who for the most part couldn't afford to attend any events even if they were so inclined, but they'll be expected pay off the deficit for decades after the party is over.

I remember sitting in the (unfinished) Olympic stadium in Montreal in '76 for the gold medal soccer game. All I could think about was what a fantasmagorical waste of money the stadium was. It eventually blew through its original cost estimates ten times over and took thirty years to pay off. For that kind of money you could build a multi-use sports complex in every city, town, village, hamlet, and Indian reservation in the land.

Now THAT might have had some benefits!

Hopefully the bad press will build to a crescendo this summer, and the entire Olympic Games scam will be so thoroughly discredited that we'll never have to endure this fraudulent spectacle again.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Ambassador Kevin Vickers, action hero

You can't deny that Kevin Vickers is a man of action. In fact, he has proven himself to have a pair when pandemonium breaks out around him.

But I find his latest adventure a little less than convincing. Hey dude, the guy you collared wasn't waving a weapon or anything; why not let the security detail deal with him... and you're not the security detail; you're the Canadian ambassador!

And what the protester was protesting was Brit imperialism in Ireland. There's a very legit argument to be made that the ceremony the protester was protesting was a celebration of that imperialism.

Of course it was!

Is that what we want to be celebrating?

Anyway, the government of Israel likes him, for the most specious reasons, but let's not quibble over that now.

But please remember, Kevin, you're the ambassador now... not the security guard.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Bank of Montreal leads way in upping dividend while slashing payroll!

They obviously have some sharp capitalistic minds in the corner offices down there at BMHQ.

Yup, they're upping the dividend... while simultaneously slashing nearly two thousand lazy-ass malingerers off the payroll.

Hey, if you can slash all those folks off the payroll without anyone noticing, either the company has been very poorly run, or the management team has totally given up and are in "loot and pillage" mode. Nobody actually believes they missed those two thousand dog-fuckers on their last 15 efficiency crackdowns, do they?

So which is it?

They're cutting staff to save money. While they raise the dividend...

You don't figure they're just trying to pump a little air into the share price till all those head office types cash out their stock options, do you?