Thursday, April 30, 2015

Canadian gets NBA Rookie of the Year

Let this be the moment we recognize that hockey is NOT the national religion.

Especially if you're a Leafs fan in South Ontario.

More and more kids who grew up on hockey are making basketball their first choice.

More and more grown-ups who grew up on hockey now watch the NBA instead of the NHL.

On those nights where you got a NBA playoff game and a NHL playoff game in the same time-slot, hey, chances are a lot of folks are going to watch the NBA. And I mean a lot of folks who came up watching hockey.

There's reasons for that.

First off, hockey's getting more boring. The Ken Dryden types who want to totally over-intellectualize the game have taken the high ground.

Meanwhile, you've got more and more Canadians reaching the top tier in the NBA.

So even old-school hockey nuts would rather spend the evening with Wiggins and the Timberwolves than spend another minute watching Phaneuf and Kessel.

About those Schwartze in the Holy Land

I see where the "Ethiopian Israelis" are in a flap over the supposedly racist policies of the government of Israel.

Talk to any Jew you know about Ethiopian Jews and you'll get a whole lotta eye-rolling and tsk-tsking.

The Ethiopian Jews were doggerel trotted out for the benefit of the diaspora.

They were a statement about how inclusive and liberal Israel was.

Of course!

And some day soon Israel will have a black prime minister!

Or not...

Canadian Forces: Strong. Proud. Horny.

The Deschamps Commission Report pulled the covers from a culture of blatant sexual harassment in the Canadian Forces today.

What did former Justice Marie Deschamp discover in her discoveries?

Why, a culture of blatant sexual harassment.

I think "harassment" is not quite the word they're looking for. When your next promotion is contingent on treating your commanding officer to a leg spread, that's a little beyond harassment.

Lawson, Kenney and the rest of the DOD bigs are of course trying to give this a viable spin.

They had no idea.

They had no idea their armed forces were all about strong, proud, and free love. Free for the big dogs, whether the little bitches liked it or not.

After all, if the little bitches wanted to get ahead in their careers, they'd go along to get along.

And they did.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

In these turbulent times, thank God we've got pro sports to bring us together...

Or maybe not.

"Moderate" Arab dictator gets two thumbs up from Canadian media

Jordan's King Abdullah II is just the kind of guy Canada should pitch in to support and sustain, according to the wankers at the SunPostMedia conglomerate.

After all, while he may not be too popular at home, he is muchly loved in " the West," which is all the proof we need that we should give him lots of guns and money...

At least according to the twats at SunPostMedia.

So we're off on another so-called "training mission." Why Jordan needs the Canadian Forces to train them up is not a question asked or answered. Obviously, Jordanian troops are far more experienced in fighting terrorists, insurgents, and just plain ordinary domestic malcontents than the Canadian Forces.

But none the less, Big Steve has committed us to another front in a war that is none of our business.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Granny busted for "stunt driving"

I see where a local elder has run afoul of the law by being caught out doing more than fifty clicks over the speed limit.

Fifty over is all it takes to warrant a charge of "stunt driving." That's a legacy of the Fantino era, when Julian Fantino, the greatest living embodiment of the Peter Principle, was the big boss at the OPP.

When I read the part about being late for a card game, I panicked...

Oh my God, Bubby's in the hoosegow! Sit tight, Ruthie, we'll have a top lawyer on the case by morning!

Monday, April 27, 2015

Cruising down the Alzheimer Highway without a roadmap

Found myself staring out the window this afternoon absently reaching for the name of the cat I've had for at least 18 years.

Reaching... reaching...

Just couldn't get hold of it.


Ya, it's Chloe of course! How could I forget? Chloe got fixed at the vet clinic where Karla Homolka worked back in the day. I'm pretty sure Karla was in jail by the time Chloe was at that clinic, but still, that leaves Chloe one degree of separation from Karla... and me two.

There's a history of Alzheimer's in my mother's family. Her mom, my grandmother, Leokadia Packull, spent the last twenty years of her life institutionalized. I used to go and see her from time to time. We were close when I was a youngster. We were still doing things the old-world way where the elders live with their children and their children's children.

Somewhere along the way we adopted the new-world custom of dropping the elders off in a home.

That seems a cruel abuse of language if you ask me.

"We're taking you out of your home and putting you in a home."

Leokadia, or Lotte as she styled herself, had three children.

My mother, who still has all her marbles rolling in the same direction.

And two uncles, both on the Alzheimer Highway. The younger one went to a home just before Christmas.

He's fifteen years older than me.

Maybe he's my roadmap.

No women allowed at Jerusalem gynecological conference

Look up "gynecology" in the dictionary and you'll learn it's the branch of medicine that specializes in women's reproductive health.

So how do you have a gynecological conference with not one woman in the house?

I guess the haredi women are used to the rampant discrimination. Like their burqa-clad Islamic sisters, they go about their lives comforted by the fact that men know what's best for them.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

How about them Raptors!

After a pretty darn good season, it's been a disappointment to see the Raptors go out in four straight. Mind you, at least till tonight's game, they were for the most part in it.

Don't know what happened tonight... maybe the Leaf's motivation coach gave them a pep-talk before the game? And what's with Casey calling a time out with two minutes and change left, and the team down by 36?

Could that have been his last time out as coach of Toronto?

Mind you, they did mange to close the gap to 31 by the end... so maybe Casey's job is safe.

It was a great series for the old guy, Pierce. Washington signed him last July. He was easily the MVP of the series. How different things might have been had Toronto signed him instead?

Oh well, there's a brand new season just around the corner.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Gallipoli Shmallipoli

There's a whole lotta glory being shone on the bloodbath that was Gallipoli today.

Maybe the gate-keepers of the news decided that we need to "honour" a bloodbath from 100 years ago to help us into the correctly receptive frame of mind to become willing accomplices to the next bloodbath.

I heard the unctuous turd Tony Abbott on the radio today ruminating about how Gallipoli forged Australia into a nation.

No doubt.

He's one to keep an eye on, that Abbott. With respect to the treatment of indigenous people and would-be refugees he makes our own dear leader look like a liberal, if such a thought is conceivable.

At least they have a decent minimum wage.

It's not really spring till you've had a proper grass fire

It was a beautiful spring day here at Falling Downs. A little cool, but clear and lots of sunshine. It was the kind of day that makes you feel you'll be young forever.

I appreciate those days more than I used to. In fact, the older I get, I find I pretty much appreciate damned near everything more than I used to. Whoever it was that said "youth is wasted on the young" pretty much nailed it.

At thirty you tend to be anxious about shit like your job isn't working out, or your marriage isn't working out, or blah blah blah...

There's always something.

At sixty, if you can drag your ass out of bed in the morning without assistance, and eat and shit without assistance, well.... high five!

So I thought I'd take advantage of the fine weather and bring in a little wood for next winter. I've been going back and forth between the Poulan and the Stihl recently, mainly because I went through a spell where I incorrectly concluded the Stihl was pooched.

That was back in February, when I was desperately trying to keep ahead of the yawning appetite of the wood furnace, due to my showdown with the bitch at xxxx Fuel Supply Company who had insisted that I provide a current certificate of compliance for the oil furnace. By the way, I think I won that round. It's late April and we got through the worst winter in forever without a drop of furnace oil, and nobody froze to death.

But the experience did make us highly chain-saw dependant.

Therefore I pretty much had a panic attack the night I couldn't get the Stihl to fire up. Felt like there was no compression, and based on past experiences that generally means only one thing.

Time for a new chain-saw.

Or, time to fire up the Poulan.

I'm out in the garage in forty below rooting around for the Poulan, which hasn't been used for a couple years. Top her up with gas, prime that stupid little bulb five times (and it's amazing how they can make plastics that don't freeze solid at forty below) and by god if she didn't fire right up!

So the much maligned Poulan became the main saw around here for awhile, while at the back of my mind I toyed with the inevitability of taking the Stihl in for a professional diagnosis. I knew the news could only be bad, so I kept putting that off the way you put off taking a favourite hound to the vet when you know the diagnosis can only be bad.

Well, the day came when I felt I couldn't put it off any longer. Just before I put her in the truck for her last trip, I thought I'd give her one last try. On principle. Just to say I did everything I could.

Well, fuck me, she fired right up!

Due to the fact that the Poulan had filled in admirably in the absence of the Stihl, I didn't want to discard her entirely, so I've been going back and forth between the two recently. You want to avoid jealousy between the saws, after all.

Which is how I came to be clearing the south-west corner of the north-east woodlot this afternoon, right there above the bridge by Indian Creek. It's only good manners and good woodlot management to burn off the branches and whatnot that won't be firewood, so while I was falling and cutting and loading the truck I simultaneously had a good burn going.

Unlike in some years past, today's burn did not require the intervention of the township fire department, and I was thankful for that. I'm sure they were too.

There's something about spending a day in the fresh air that really makes you appreciate life. The day will come, all too soon, when I'll be warehoused in a "home."

There'll be no more walking the hounds.

No more dropping forty foot elms and hoping they don't land on the truck.

No more truck.

No more chainsaws.

Maybe I should be pro-active.

Maybe I should start up a "home" for folks who aren't ready to fade off quietly into that forever night.

Introducing the Gateway to Heavenly Downs.

Bring your hounds...

Our staff are specially trained in the care and maintenance of chainsaws.

We've got a garden plot round the back where you can grow what you will with the assistance of our highly trained Jamaican herbalists.

And if you and the 85 year old hottie in the next room want to spend some quality oinky-boinky time together, hey, that's your business, not ours.

And every April, we'll celebrate the turn of the seasons with a honkin' huge Heavenly Downs Fire-Department-invited-in-advance grass fire!

See ya soon!

Canada goes monument mad

Here's a story so daft I had to check the calendar to make sure it's not April 1st.

Seems there's a plan afoot to festoon the country with decommissioned LAV III armoured vehicles left over from our mission to bring democracy and stability to Afghanistan. These will serve to honour the sacrifices made by our brave men and women in uniform etc. If matters unfold as hoped, there will be 250 such monuments scattered across the nation.

Derelict war wagons parked randomly in towns and cities across Canada won't honour anyone. They glorify what was an ill-conceived and poorly executed campaign from beginning to end. No serious person imagines that Afghanistan is in any way a better place due to our efforts.

In an irony that speaks volumes about Canada's delusions of sovereignty, the plan to gloss over our failure in Afghanistan is temporarily on hold awaiting approval from Washington.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Playoff overdose

This is a tough time of year for guys like me who hate sports. There's nothing on the TV except sports. At least out here in the boonies.

So I can choose between Pittsburgh-Rangers, Montreal-Ottawa, Raps-Wizards, and I've even got an OHL game to follow between Erie and the Soo.

When there's that many choices, I simply can't make a choice, so I've been madly surfing back and forth to follow everything.

That's just way too stressful. How I pine for the days of a two channel universe.

Why do we automatically assume that having lots of choices is a good thing?

It's pure hell!

Those Israeli submarines and the perfect false flag attack

We all know that Israel is the only democracy in the Middle East, a plucky little peace-loving isle of Western values surrounded by blood-thirsty towel-heads.

We also know that Israel has taken delivery of a number of nuclear-capable state of the art submarines from Germany.

Furthermore, we know that historically the top leadership in Israel is not averse to launching false flag attacks on her allies in order to achieve her long-term goals.

With the US aircraft carrier USS Theodore Roosevelt and her supporting cast hanging around off Yemen, wouldn't this be a perfect opportunity for the perfect false flag attack?

After all, that US - Iran love-fest around the nuke talks needs to be scuttled.

Is the greatest leader since Moses up to the job?

Canada's stunning hypocrisy on Children and Armed Conflict

There is no nation among the Nations of Virtue more virtuous than Canada. For a wee insight into just how great we are, just check out the leading role Canada has played in protecting children the world over from being used as pawns in armed conflict.

Makes you proud to be a Canadian, doesn't it?

Unfortunately, those warm fuzzies fly out the window pretty fast when you consider the case of Omar Khadr, Canada's very own Canadian child soldier.

Khadr was seriously injured when he was picked up by US forces in Afghanistan at the age of 15. He was tortured, held in Gitmo for ten years, found guilty of war crimes in a kangaroo court, and continues to be imprisoned in Canada.

Today a court ruled that he should be granted bail while his convictions in the Gitmo proceedings are appealed.

That was a red flag for the Harper gang. All that posturing about the rights of children was apparently just that; posturing.

According to our Government, the 15 year old child soldier Omar Khadr was guilty of "heinous war crimes," and they will be appealing the bail decision forthwith.

That's utterly disgusting.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Three great reasons to hate pro sports

I hate pro sports.

First up, I think pro sports make you drink too much beer. Now, I know there's a lot of hard-core sports fans who will argue that there is no such thing as "too much beer."

I rest my case.

I'll just rest it on the table in the kitchen for a sec and then I'll bring it in and park it between the La-Z-Boys.

Have you ever in your life seen a sports event without beer company sponsorship?

Do you think there's a reason for that? I could write a dissertation on the beer-sports vortex.... actually, I think I did once.

I also hate pro sports because professional athletes make me feel inadequate. Like, I'll be in my favourite gay bar in Toronto at two in the AM, and then the Leafs will start trickling in, and all of a sudden I'm fuckin' chopped liver.

I just hate that!

But the main reason I hate professional sports is that it represents the commodification of passion. Think about it.

A couple of generations ago the top guys in the NHL came up playing road hockey in Kapuskasing fourteen hours a day. Using horse-shit for pucks.

In last weeks' draft all the top picks were kids who've been getting into the top hockey programmes since they were three years old, by parents who have the resources to make elite hockey camps happen ten or fifteen years in a row.

A couple of generations ago all the top guys in the NBA came up shooting baskets in the driveway or the playground till well past midnight, even after all the buddies had gone home. That made them high-school stars, which made them college stars, which made them names in the big show.

Today every number one pick is the product of 18 years of careful planning by solidly middle-class parents and a coterie of advisers and coaches. Do you think it's a coincidence that more and more often we find that top drawer professional athletes come from top drawer professional athlete parents?

Sure, some of them may still love the game...

But it's just another commodity.

Having said that, I gotta wrap this up. Lebron and my man Tristan just whupped the Celts, so I have to get back to the hockey game.


In case you haven't noticed, Harper's Canada has a brand new brand...

Strong. Proud. Free.

It's no coincidence that this bit of jingoistic claptrap pops up six months before a federal election. No Canadian government in history has been as free with spending taxpayer money on partisan self-promotion. By associating strength, pride, and freedom with the Harper gang, we're also being told who's not about being strong, proud and free.

That would be the Liberal party of Justin the pot-head.

Whimpy. Poofy. Fickle.

To say nothing of the party that once was socialist but wants you to know they aren't anymore, Mulcair's NDP.

Where do you even go with that?

Whacky, pathetic... no longer socialist?

See what I mean?

So if you're a true-blue loyal Canadian who loves this country, y'all make sure you and the little woman head out to the polling station come October and mark an X for Big Steve and the only party that cares about freedom and democracy.

Vote for Canada.

Vote Conservative.

Strong. Proud. Free.

Media darling General Petraeus gets knuckles rapped for spilling state secrets

You remember David.

Former Sultan of Baghdad.

Former Emir of Kabul.

Former Big Boss at the CIA.

The man credited for winning the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Seldom have so many honours been bestowed on a man who essentially achieved nothing. As a military strategist he was a moron. As a shameless self-promoter, he was without peer.

You may have read about him in Paula Broadwell's best-seller, slyly titled "All In." Seems the General and his biographer had an understanding; if she gave him access to her underpants area, he would give her access to state secrets.

That was a win-win as far as it went, but alas, the shit hit the fan shortly after the General embarked on his sinecure at the CIA. But don't worry for the future of Petraeus; he'll clean up on the speakers' circuit.  He'll be an A-list talking head on the US networks till the day he draws his last breath.

He's got the kind of man's man resume that'll make him a must-have addition to Boards of Directors throughout the military industrial complex. The Paula scandal only made him more appealing to that crowd.

What bothers me is that this charlatan who betrayed state secrets for private gain gets a slap on the wrist, while heroes like Edward Snowden and Chelsea Manning, who betrayed state secrets for the public good, will be persecuted for the rest of their lives.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

A dark tide sweeps towards Europe

Sensationalistic headlines the length and breadth of the EU are proclaiming that Europe is under threat. Yes, a dark (skinned) tide is washing ashore, and if that news isn't bad enough, it seems most of that tide is comprised of MUSLIMS!!!

Judging by the tone of much of this alarmist reporting, we're just a few years away from seeing the demise of the European way of life, whatever that means.

Lets get a grip.

The EU is a vast expanse of space with a population of 500 millions. If ten thousand undocumented souls were to successfully wade ashore every single week of 2015, by the end of the year you'd have seen an increase of .01 in the population.

That doesn't seem to justify the panicky headlines.

Nevertheless, the leaders of those EU Nations of Virtue have a plan; send those migrants back where they came from!

Which brings up an interesting conundrum. The leading sources of this dark tide are Libya, Syria, Afghanistan, and various nations in sub-Saharan Africa - every one of them a country that the Nations of Virtue have fucked up, either through the colonialism of a by-gone era or the neo-colonialism and endless war-mongering of today.

Even the most rudimentary concept of justice would demand that the very nations who protest that they are being overrun should take the initiative in righting the wrongs they've inflicted on Africa and the Middle East.

Instead, they talk about "solving" the problem by building refugee camps in Niger and Sudan.

Sheer stupidity!

These migrants should be welcomed with open arms. First of all, imagine the sheer determination and resourcefulness required to find your way from Somalia or Ghana onto European soil. Those folks got big-time get-up-and-go!

Compare that to the initiative and ambition demonstrated by large swathes of your youth population in the so-called blighted areas of the Continent. They've got about enough get-up-and-go to find a bottle of liquor, and then they're done for the day.

Secondly, with a couple of notable exceptions, the EU nations are failing to reproduce their own populations. Europeans are a dying breed... they need these migrants!

The think tank here at Falling Downs says throw the gates wide open! In fifty years Europe will indeed have a darker hue... but the food will be tastier and the music will be more interesting.

Sounds like a good thing!

Monday, April 20, 2015

Pot-addled hillbilly trains beavers to cut firewood!

OK, I haven't actually "trained" them, but bear with me.

A couple of years ago the nearest beaver dam was just above the north boundary where Indian Creek flows onto Falling Downs property. They'd created that lovely little lake that my neighbour Lisk enjoys right in front of his place, when he's not busy running his restaurant 24-7.

That would be the "Smoking Gun" over by Sauble, in case you're not a regular reader. Highly recommended.

Then, last year, we found that the beavers had constructed a new dam a good hundred yards downstream of their last one, well into Falling Downs territory.

But this year, it seems the beavers have moved another couple hundred yards downstream.

I was doing a walk-about of the estate on the weekend, following the far side of the creek north to south, when it suddenly occurred to me I was hearing falling water.

(By the way, if creek doesn't rhyme with hick, you're not saying it right.)

Just as I became aware of that falling water, I was amazed to find all sorts of evidence of beaver activity, including a number of tree limb bits chewed at both ends to a furnace-friendly eighteen inches or so.


I gathered an armful and carried it home...

It's warming the homestead as I write these words!

So far the beavers have provided this bounty of their own volition.

I'll get back to you on the "training" part of the equation.

Canada's responsibility to protect those brown people drowning in the Mediterranean

Unless you're brain dead or too busy playing video games to take notice of the real world, you'll be aware that there's been a massive spike in the numbers of desperate Africans drowning in the sea between Libya and Italy.

Again, unless you're brain dead, you'll be aware that desperate asylum seekers from Africa were a relative novelty on Libya's shores before we liberated Libya from the evil Ghaddafi. That's because the evil dictator actually ran the country. He was the boss of a country that worked, and worked relatively well.

We changed all that.

And while we still have a few marginalized academic types arguing for the blessings of the R2P liberation we bestowed on Libya, most of the world can see that Libya has been utterly destroyed.

She is a failed state in every way.

So my question is this; do the nations that conspired to destroy Libya bear any responsibility for the carnage now unfolding as one boat-load of asylum-seekers after another goes down between Libya and Europe?

The think-tank here at Falling Downs says yes we do. And the "we" would most definitely include Canada, where we were chuffed beyond belief that a Canadian General was put in charge of the bombing campaign against that doomed state.

Pottery Barn rules should apply; we broke it...

If you're a desperate African refugee who makes it to Libya, the Nations of Virtue who destroyed Libya owe you something.

Safe passage.

A place to settle.

A responsibility to protect you.

Lloyd Axworthy keeps head up ass re: Canada's culpability for Libya fiasco

It was sad to see former FM Lloyd Axworthy waxing wise in a Globe and Mail opinion piece last week about how Canada's participation (widely hailed as "leadership" in this country, although it was nothing of the sort) in the destruction of Libya proves the R2P concept was indeed a great idea.

Lloyd was primarily responding to Louise Arbour, a fellow Canadian jurist who's career has by far eclipsed his own. Ms. Arbour recently went on the record as having grave misgivings about the "Responsibility to Protect" doctrine.

That's the odious bit of tomfoolery that makes it "right" for big strong countries to invade weaker ones on the pretext of "protecting" people in that weaker country who are under possible threat by a leader we don't like.

According to Axworthy, we were right to bomb Ghadaffi into the dust-bin of history because he was about to unleash a holocaust on his critics.

Of course he was. Ghadaffi unleashed blood-curdling threats against his critics every time he stood up to make a speech. Yet, in forty years at the helm, his victims number in the thousands, not the hundreds of thousands or millions that can be reasonably attributed to various members of the Nations of Virtue club that Axworthy speaks for.

In the meantime, the Libyan people enjoyed the highest standard of living in all Africa.

What are they enjoying now that we've "saved" them from their leader?

Sunday, April 19, 2015

What the hell has happened to country music?

I'm watching Miranda Lambert at the American Country Music Awards. Gotta say I haven't seen so many lasers since I saw that Roger Waters show in Toronto a couple years ago.

Overall, I'd say country music has come a long way since the days of Tanya Tucker and the days of the coal miners daughter even before that.

It's an overtly Christian genre by the looks of things. This is the only awards show on TV where it's de rigueur to thank the Lord Jesus Christ for your good fortune. Makes me wonder if there's such a thing as an Islamic country musician.

"I just wanna thank Allah for this award" isn't something you're likely to hear at the ACMs anytime soon.

Mind you, Broke-back Mountain broke some barriers, so a Muslim singing cowboy songs is a possibility...

The elephant's revenge

I see where "professional big-game hunter" Ian Gibson has gone to his reward. Seems Mr. Gibson was hunting elephants in Zimbabwe when one of the prey turned the tables on him...

Cue the cliches!

The hunter becomes the hunted.

He died doing what he loved.

He died with his boots on, or at least his boot, given that he was missing a leg...

What is it that "professional hunters" actually do? I get hunting when non-professionals do it, like the locals who fill the freezer with venison at deer-hunting time. It has a purpose - feeding one's family. But professional hunting is just about killing animals for fun, isn't it?

Saturday, April 18, 2015

How to figure out what's going on

One of the things we try to figure out here at Falling Downs is where the airplanes might be going.

Up here in the great white north, we don't have the random criss-crossing of vapor trails the way you might have further south. Most of the jet traffic in the sky over Falling Downs is either heading north-west or south-east.

That's boring and predictable stuff.

Everything crossing overhead from the north-west is heading to Toronto. It's coming from somewhere in western Canada.

The stuff flying south-east is coming from the airports in Edmonton and Calgary and Winnipeg or Alaska.

What stokes the imagination are those vapor trails going south-west to north-east. There are no Canadian airports north-east of Falling Downs, at least none that would be passenger jet destinations. So when we see vapor trails from the south-west we know the destination is somewhere in Europe.

When we see a vapor trail going north-east to south-west we know it's a flight that originated in Europe and is heading to somewhere west and south of here.


Los Angeles?

Las Vegas?

Who knows?

But that's just one of the things we try to figure out here at Falling Downs.

We're far more likely to be preoccupied with more mundane stuff, like trying to figure out why some creeper in an old Ford Taurus has been haunting the neighbourhood. The locals figure it's some jerk-off stealing wi-fi. That doesn't make a lot of sense. If he was after free wi-fi, wouldn't he just go to Timmies or Micky D's in town?

I figure he's with the CIA. Ya, I know you'd expect those guys to be piloting a new Suburban (black with tinted windows) instead of an old Taurus, but maybe they're trying to shake it up a bit?

And God only knows what the neighbours have been up to. I for one certainly welcome the scrutiny of the hood. (PS; I'm pretty sure McFarquar over on the fourth concession is running furnace oil in his farm tractor and thereby avoiding the diesel fuel tax.)

So God-speed to ya, Mr. Creepy in the Taurus.

And it's not just us hillbillies trying to figure out what's going on.

The national newspaper of record has sent its very last remaining foreign correspondent who is not an unpaid intern over to the Middle East to unearth the straight skinny on what really happened when one of our boys was shot down by our Kurdish allies.

The death of Andrew Doiron was a bit of a shocker, since we had been assured by no less an authority than Commander in Chief Big Steve that our brave men and women in uniform would be well out of harm's way.

So what do they figure out?

Access denied: the Globe barred from investigating friendly fire death.

Now doesn't that make you think that big fat fingers of power are trying to prevent us from figuring out what's going on?

Australia busts teen terror cell

Yup, it's come to this.

The entire nation of Australia is at risk due to a bunch of wayward teens hooking up with the Towelheads of Terror.

Heretofore the worst you had to fear from wayward teens was they were gonna find your stash or steal your booze. Or get knocked up.

But it's a whole new very scary time, ain't it?

Mind you, that Abbott fellow seems inclined to milk any imaginary threat even more enthusiastically than our very own Big Steve, so maybe we shouldn't be taking this stuff at face value...

This week, terror teens...

Next week, terror tots.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Justin Trudeau is a wanker

To be perfectly honest, I haven't actually voted in anything since a friend of mine ran for MP on the Green Party ticket here.

Before that, you'd have to go back twenty years or more, when I cast my ballot for one of those Marxist-Leninist dudes running for city council in Guelph.

Quixotic idealists, both of them, and you'd be right if you guessed that the handful of votes either of those players got in the great game 'o democracy had no bearing on the big picture.

Which brings me to the upcoming federal election. A lot of folks had high hopes for the spawn of Pierre. The Liberal Party ran through a number of no-name sad-sacks after the retirement of Jean Chretien, all of whom were bulldozed into irrelevance by the neolib Harper machine.

So finally we get a potentially viable alternative, Trudeau Junior. He makes a few socially progressive noises.

Gonna ease up on the "War on Drugs."

Gonna tax the rich, at least a bit, maybe.

But the more you get to know the guy, the more you figure.... maybe not.

He's all aboard for Canada's military adventure against Islamic State.

He's all aboard for our military adventure in Ukraine.

He's supporting Big Steve's Bill C-51 police state legislation.

He's all about being another sock puppet for US Imperialism.

And that must be making his dear daddy spin in his grave.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

An up-and-down day for the Towelheads of Terror

It started with a bit of a downer.

Got up this morning and found this story at the top of the Google news aggregator.

Yup, for all their boasting and chest-thumping, the most heinous terrorists in history are definitely in decline.

Not an hour later, CNN has this story as breaking news.

Oh-oh... seems the towellers didn't buy the story that they were in decline. 150,000 folks are getting the fuck outta Ramadi as fast as they can...

By this evening, you've got this story from the Wall Street Journal. US says Ramadi at risk of falling to Islamic State.

So while the day may have started with a downer, it's been up, up, and away for the rest of the day.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

It's not racism; it's the law

It's gotta be bad to be Janett Poorman.

Her daughter became a tragic statistic last December, another one of those meaningless aboriginal women on the fringes of society, stabbed to death in Vancouver.

We seem to have an awful lot of those here in Canada... must be something wrong with... not any level of government, not a systemically racist culture... but them.

No less an authority than RCMP Comish Bob Paulson opined last week that 70% of murdered native women are murdered by native men. See, it's their fault.

If those natives would just get their shit together, everything would be hunky-dory.

Given the utter ineptitude the RCMP has consistently demonstrated in solving the murders of indigenous women, one is left to wonder where he gets his stats. Besides, the RCMP is far too busy framing up various dumbshits for imaginary terror conspiracies to have much left over to investigate the all-too-real murder epidemic of aboriginal women.

So Janett Poorman applies to the Manitoba Justice Department for compensation to cover the cost of her daughter's funeral. She was a victim of crime, obviously.

No way! We can't pay you, Ms. Poorman; your daughter had a criminal record.

It's not that we're racist or anything; it's just the law.

Connecting the dots between convicted child porn pervert and the new Ontario sex-ed curriculum

Convicted child-porn aficionado Ben Levin wasn't just another schmuck who fancied child porn. No, he was a dude who had a serious position of responsibility (I believe that's a "POR" in educational jargon) within the educational establishment. In fact, he was way up the totem pole; Deputy Minister of Education in the province of Ontario.

That's why I'm puzzled by the lack of attention to the connections between Mr. Levin and the new Ontario sex-ed curriculum, a curriculum that's generating a fair bit of controversy.  Frankly, I think a lot of that controversy is naive and misplaced. Those Campaign Life Coalition types seem completely unaware that their kids have had unlimited access to the hardest of hard-core porn since they first had internet access. You're getting riled up because the new curriculum is teaching about anal sex in grade seven?

Well, if you're a parent who got little Billy or Billy-Jean a smart-phone when they were in grade three, the ins and outs of annal sex are gonna be old news to them by grade seven!

But it does strike me that guys like Levin would be exactly the type of folks who would take a great deal of interest in having innumerable focus groups re: what age is the right age to teach the kiddies about the importance of lubrication...

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Canada can't build ships but Navy brass keeps busy picking names for them

It came out today that the top guns at the Royal Canadian Navy have picked a name for the second of the new ships in the Arctic Patrol fleet. She'll be known as HMCS Margaret Brooke.

The first will be named HMCS Harry DeWolf.

Both sound like perfectly adequate names for ships in Canada's new Arctic Patrol armada. There's only one problem with this story...

There are no ships.

That's right.

Although the ship-building program to provide six to eight dedicated ice-worthy patrol vessels was first announced with great fan-fare in 2007, as of yet no keels have been laid and no steel has been cut. In the meantime, numerous re-announcements of the program, replete with more fan-fare and photo-ops, have masked the fact that Ottawa nincompoops have squandered many years and many hundreds of millions in "designing" a ship that is a straight-up copy of a Norwegian design that is already serving in several navies.

What's to design?

To add irony to insult, the much ballyhooed discovery of the Franklin expedition ships last year was forced to rely on a chartered Russian ship because the Canadian Navy lacks the operational capability to operate in the Arctic waters Canada claims to own.

Maybe they should stop posturing and get on with building the boats already!

Monday, April 13, 2015

Is there anything on Brendan Shanahan's resume that would suggest he is qualified to lead the Leafs?

I sure can't find it.

Great career as a player.

Pretty much a non-entity in management. Winning at international tourneys is not the same as winning in the NHL on a regular basis.

Ya, he put in his time at head office, but is that all that his Leafs sinecure is about?

And how about that so-called house cleaning...

It's been a blood-bath at Maple Leafs HQ over the past few days...

... but Kessel and Phaneuf are still on the payroll?


Flaming Pinko steps down as Dean of Canada's top business school

What with the pre-play-off lull in NHL games on the TV schedule, I found myself watching a Steve Pakin interview with Roger Martin, out-going Dean of the Rotman School of Business at U of T.

Well holy shit! I had no idea the guy was a communist!

Ya, I know; he's pretty sly about covering his tracks...

Covering his tracks under something both he and Pakin refer to as "democratic capitalism."

Ponder that for more than two seconds and you'll see what I mean.

Democratic capitalism equals socialism as sure as medical marijuana means lets get a glow on!

No doubt he will be replaced at the faculty by some dyed-in-the-wool neoliberal who will celebrate the triumph of finance capital and cleanse the Rotman ranks of commie sympathizers.

Tards 'o terror

Seldom have as inept a pair of would-be terrorists been paraded before the public as the reason we should all be afraid... very afraid! Afraid to the point where we'll gladly give up what little privacy we have left so that Big Steve's Bill C-51 can keep us warm and safe from harm.

Die-hard Islamic jihadists John Nuttall and Amanda Korody couldn't keep themselves in groceries, jobs, apartments, or crystal meth, but they kept the RCMP frame-up squad busy for months fabricating lurid headlines about home-grown terror. That campaign has been so effective that even the soft-left pundits at the Toronto Star are writing editorials pleading that the RCMP be gifted more money and more manpower to fight the scourge of home-grown evil-doers.

What a crock of shit!

The RCMP has been forced to cut back the pursuit of real criminals and real criminal conspiracies to fund these politically motivated show trials of supposed home-grown terrorists. The Nuttall-Kolody case would have cost millions to bring to trial. The trial itself is costing millions more. After the guilty verdict, which is a forgone conclusion, we can then pay many millions more to keep these losers housed and fed for the rest of their lives.

This is for two people who, without the coaching of their RCMP minders, would never have come up with anything more grandiose than knocking over the local 7-11 for drug money.

It's not about them, of course. Marginalized misfits will always be vulnerable to the machinations of a ruthless state bent on creating "enemies" to further their agenda.

Framing up threats to freedom has been a time-honoured mainstay in the arsenal of totalitarian states since at least the era of Hitler and Stalin.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

When passion trumps common sense

A week ago folks were still ice-fishing on Colpoy's Bay.

A week later, the ice is gone but folks are still fishing. Just off the Old Mill Road I saw four guys in what couldn't have been more than a twelve foot aluminum boat. Full size guys.

That twelve footer was riding low in the water. Couldn't have been more than four inches of freeboard between those fishermen and an emergency response team. Not a life-jacket in sight.

I know it's great to be first on the water after a long hard winter, but this was a headline waiting to happen.

Royal Canadian Navy announces this month's victory in War on Drugs

Here it is.

Six hundred kilos of cocaine will never blight the playgrounds of Seattle and Vancouver. Not quite as glorious a triumph as last month, when the RCN was chuffed to announce its role in the seizure of 5200 kilos of cocaine.

My understanding is that all this drug interdiction work has no significant impact on the availability of drugs. At best, it works as a price-support mechanism. Is this a reasonable allocation of Canada's limited financial resources?

Here's a suggestion. Let's bring HMCS Whitehorse and the rest of the fleet back to Canada. Instead of chasing phantom drug ships, let them crack down on freighters dumping toxic sludge in English Bay.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

We are all redundant now

I always thought it was only us working class schmucks who were rendered redundant.

But think about it; aren't the hedgie twats we love to hate vulnerable too?

And those wankers ensconced in corner offices around the world as CEOs and COOs and CFOs...

Yup, everybody's got precarious employment these days.

I have a hunch that after the coming melt-down, when we've returned to a barter economy, the CEOs and the rest of the C class will be safely off to their safe havens, only to find that the safe havens aren't safe either.

What will they have to offer the barter economy?


We are all redundant now.

I've become a Netflix widower

A couple months ago the Farm Manager started this Netflix nonsense. She could download damned near everything that's ever been recorded, and watch it at her leisure

Her "leisure" now takes up pretty much all her waking hours. Apparently there are still 145 episodes of some British crime drama that she needs to catch up on.

Because it's just that great!

And there are hundreds of other British dramas waiting for her after that.... and then we have the Belgian, Dutch, German, and assorted other dramas that are probably really really great and deserve watching.

I personally have not seen any episodes of that crime drama, nor do I have any desire to see any episodes of that crime drama or any other wares available to me on Netflix.

 I thought my life was more or less complete without it...

Apparently not.

Reconnecting with the FM may require me to get the Netflix tattoo.

This week in gratuitous violence

Roxanne Dube is by all accounts a hard-working single mom who got the promotion of a life-time when she was appointed Canada's Consul General in Miami. There is no reason to believe that she expected anything untoward to unfold when her teenage sons Marc and Jean joined her.

Alas, it seems that when Mom left for work, the young ones had other things to do besides go to school. Like ripping off drug dealers!

This would, to anyone with a lick of common sense, be considered a highly lucrative but even more highly dangerous pastime. After all, drug dealers are, by dint of the illegal nature of their trade, forced to provide their own security, which the dealer in Miami targeted by Marc and Jean obviously did.

That should not be a surprise.

The surprise is that these kids had the brass to think they could pull this off. Word is they weren't novices to this game. Being able to take Mom's car with the diplomatic plates probably enhanced their sense of invincibility. Is there a lesson in this? I don't know, but it's obvious that all concerned in this sad tale are collateral damage in the asinine "war on drugs."

Roxanne Dube's kids haven't been the only ones up to no good. Has-been rocker John Mellencamp's kids Speck and Hud found themselves in the news too. Speck? Hud? You don't figure Mr. Mellencamp took a page out of the Johnny Cash "get tough or die" catalogue when he named his kids, do you?

At least nobody died.

Which is unfortunately not the case in our next story.

Christian rockers battle cops in deadly Walmart parking lot brawl. You've got the complete line-up of American totems circa 2015 all rolled up into one story here.


Misbehaving musicians.


Walmart... holy shit, throw Al Sharpton into the mix and we woulda had us a royal flush here!

Finally, we've got the story of a commercial airliner that had to make an emergency landing because an 87 year old great granny went nutso and bit a flight attendant.

Oh for fucks sakes!

What the hell ever happened to Sky Marshals?

An 87 year old granny bit a flight attendant? And they have to divert the plane and make an emergency landing?

Get the fuck outta here!

Take her dentures away and duct-tape her to the seat.

Problem solved!

Friday, April 10, 2015

Blowing hard at Falling Downs

Every now and then you have to take a break from saving the world and slandering the one percenters.

Ya, I know it's important work, but what the fuck.... by the way, I believe that's known as a "WTF" in modern parlance. I think I'm starting to catch on. I'm far from with-it but give me another six months and I'll be far-gone.

When I get tired of saving humanity I relax with a spot of pro sports. Got the Masters on the flat screen at the moment. Remember when Mikey won the Masters?

How the fuck (HTF?) did that ever happen?

Here at Falling Downs we are tucked in to the bowels of a hundred year old farmhouse. It's warm and cosy inside; wild and crazy-windy outside.

We just came out from under a "wind warning" tonight. A little south of us, they had tornado warnings. A little south of that, they had tornadoes.

We should be OK.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Montreal cops court backlash over heavy-handed anti-student strategies

Once again the students with the lowest tuitions in all of Canada are putting up the biggest fuss over escalating tuitions.

Makes you wonder what's wrong with the youth in the rest of the dominion...

Apathy and passivity are attributes much prized in the Canada of 2015.

The student activists have been trying to hold sit-ins and marches.

The harsh hand of the law has grabbed them by the scruff of the neck, given them a good shake, and asked them to really seriously ponder the ramifications of their delusions.

To rethink the error of their ways.

Apparently previous protests went awry when masked Black Bloc "anarchists" started wrecking stuff.

Of course!

Bearing in mind that wherever you've got four or five masked Black Bloc "anarchists," you got at least three or four police informants, it's not hard to see that the Big Dogs are trying to bury a bone that they know could come back to bite them.

The Montreal protesters are asking us why access to post-secondary education should be determined by the credit rating of the applicant's parents.

That's pretty much what "getting into a good school" has come to mean.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Arbour, Duffy, Harper, that Ukrainian piano player, and the reset of Canadian foreign policy

Louise Arbour has gone rogue. Once the darling of the "robust interventionist" crowd, ie R2P, she's definitely been dialling it down recently, to the point where she's gone on record as saying R2P has been a disaster.

The Duffster's trial for financial hanky-panky got underway yesterday. Good old Puffy Duffy was a mainstay of mainstream news in Canada all the back to the 1970's. After decades of sucking up to power he finally realized his dream five or six years ago with an appointment to the Senate.

Alas, when a few media types latched onto his expense claims, Big Steve was quick to throw him overboard. Bear in mind that this was well before those same media types had the crack-smokin' mayor of Toronto to kick around.

Puffy Duffy's padded expense accounts must have seemed like a big score at the time.

We're living a new reality today. Ford be gone but Duffy just getting started. Revenge of the fat fucks.

It's gonna get ugly!

Meanwhile, Big Steve be fightin' evil-doers over there in Syria. Technically speaking, bombing a sovereign state other than your own is viewed as a "war crime." Today the Canadian Air Force of Virtue bombed Syria for the first time, because....


Because Big Steve saw a few votes in being tough on terror?

Who knows?

While all that is going on, the Toronto Symphony Orchestra has metaphorically beshat its own nest by wading into political debates that should be totally beyond its purview. Seems the esteemed Ukrainian pianist Valentina Lisitsa is persona non grata at Roy Thompson Hall because she's one of those Uke ingrates who
fails to appreciate the manifold blessings of the Nuland-Pyatt putsch that removed a democratically elected government in her country last year.

The official Canadian response to that particular overthrow of a democratically elected government has been an embarrassment to anyone who still puts the slightest stock in the hyperbole of democracy, free speech, etc.

Nobody cheered this anti-democratic over-throw of a democratically elected government louder than the closet fascists at the Ukrainian Canadian Congress. Because the Ukrainian Canadian vote could be a king-maker in the up-coming election, the Harper Gang has been pandering to those folks in the most unseemly manner for years now.

That's why a piano player made the front page this week.

That's where Canada is at today. We celebrate the overthrow of democratic governments. We blacklist artists who protest. We commit war crimes against states that have never raised their hands against us.

There's an election coming up. Maybe we should start paying attention.

Maybe we should make plans to vote.

It's not too late yet.

Monday, April 6, 2015

Requiem for Free Speech at Toronto Symphony

I have fond memories of the TSO. For a couple of years back when me and the Bride were relative newly-weds we used to subscribe to a concert series at Roy Thompson Hall. Meyer's Deli was like half a block up the street, so we had the perfect date night combo; best chicken dinner in town and then a couple of hours of very pleasant classical music courtesy of Andrew Davis and the TSO.

We lucked out with a pair of really sweet chairs just off the aisle in the first row of the balcony above the stage. You were literally so close to the action you could read the sheet music on the music stands. Plus, during the closing bars of the first half you could duck out of your seat and beat the rush to the bar for a couple of brandies.

So after a couple of seasons kids came along and then without even noticing, "date night" got lost in the minutia of life, and I haven't been back there for a good thirty years.

But I still miss those days, and I follow the ups and downs of the TSO with some interest. I was therefore dismayed to see the furore that's erupted over the cancellation of concerts by Ukrainian pianist Valentina Lisitsa.

Seems that Lisitsa is one of the many millions of Ukrainians who aren't all gushy about the Nuland-Pyatt putsch foisted on them last year, and she's had the bad manners to express those sentiments in public.

That's simply too much for the folks at the Canadian-Ukrainian Congress, who seem to wield a wildly inappropriate amount of clout in this country. They piled on the political pressure and before you know it the weasels in TSO management cancelled the concerts.

That's how we roll here in Canada in 2015.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Judith Miller claims making stuff up is not the same as lying

I beg to differ. Making stuff up IS lying.

Check out her self-serving mea non-culpa; "Before the 2003 invasion, President Bush and other officials cited the intelligence community's incorrect conclusions about Saddam's WMD capabilities, and on occasion, went beyond them."

When you go beyond the conclusions provided by your intel community, correct or not, you're obviously making stuff up.

Not in Miller's world. Here's her next sentence; "But relying on the mistakes of others and errors of judgement are not the same as lying."

There you have it. Bush and Cheney and Colin Powell and Judith Miller and the NYT weren't lying about Saddam's WMDs after all...

They were just making stuff up.

Too bad about the collateral damage.

Reading shoddy journalism is like eating cardboard

You feel full but you're still hungry.

Dong Choo at the corner store is charging me $4.50 for the weekend edition of the national newspaper of record these days. That's quite a jump from the twenty five cents I used to shell out for the Saturday Globe and Mail when they first got me hooked fifty years ago.

Like all addictions, the addiction to newsprint leaves you at the mercy of the pushers. I'm not blaming the Donger for this 1700% increase in the price of my fix - he's just the low man on the totem pole, trying to break even and put away enough to send Dong Jr. to business school.

Concerned friends and family often ask why I don't just give up the habit. After all, there's pretty much nothing in that $4.50 newspaper that I can't find on the Globe and Mail website for free.

These people don't understand the addiction. There's a quality-of-life distinction between sitting in your favourite chair, with a cup of coffee at hand, staring at a laptop screen vs. turning the pages of a newspaper.
The two or three hours spent lost in those pages is easily worth the $4.50 price of admission.

At least so long as I don't stumble over too much crap like this.

Jeffrey Simpson has some serious schlep at Canada's newspaper of record. As such he is what's known as an opinion maker. He's one of the guys (and they're mostly guys; sorry gals) who determine what's on the national agenda; what literate people will be talking about.

I've had a soft spot for all things Mexican since my old pal Jim drove down to Tijuana in his Econoline van back in '70 and came back with ten kilos of very nice Mexican bud. Mexico has been on my radar ever since.

Since those innocent days of Jim's Tijuana adventure, we've witnessed the rise and the further rise of ruthless drug cartels in Mexico. Any free-lancing schmuck who heads to Mexico today looking for a deal on weed is going to end up dead or in jail. Drugs have become a multi-billion dollar business in Mexico. The cartels move more money than any single bank can launder. They've beheaded more innocents than Islamic State. They have corrupted banks and politicians not only in Mexico but throughout the region.

That's why former Mexican president Vincente Fox has called for the legalization of drugs.

That's why seven former world leaders and dozens of other A-list worthies have called for the decriminalization of drugs world-wide.

That's why five Nobel-winning economists have declared the global war on drugs a "catastrophic failure."

That's why I find it incomprehensible that Jeffrey Simpson can spin 800 words of fluff about what ails Mexico without once mentioning drugs, cartels, the war on drugs, etc.

It's enough to make me want to take my paper back to Mr. Choo and ask for a refund.

But it's not his fault.

He's just a lowly minion in the Korean corner store cartel.

Who we gonna kick around now that we don't have Rob Ford to kick around anymore?

Why, Rob Ford of course!

Bruce Arthur has a front page rant in today's Sunday Star, ostensibly aimed at Ford's appointment to the Board of Directors of the Hockey Hall of Fame.

Who cares, you say? Obviously the news-hounds at the Star care enough to give this valuable front page real estate over to sliming the former mayor as opposed to some more newsworthy subject, of which there are ample to choose from.

About eight paragraphs in Arthur makes a point of claiming the moral high ground vis-a-vis Ford's highly public battle with cancer. He wants us to know that his gratuitous anti-Ford diatribe isn't in any way personal and that he wishes the former mayor well... in which case not bothering to write a story with utterly zero news value would have been the way to go.

What I'd like to see is a little more spot-light on the current mayor, who ran the most expensive election campaign in Toronto's history. As an old-boy insider John Tory's life has been a never-ending cascade of serendipitous sinecures that speak volumes about entitlement and class privilege.

The Star invested vast resources in tracking down the so-called Ford crack tapes. They should invest just as much looking for Tory's dirty laundry.

Netanyahu offers to coach Kenya in war on towel-heads of terror

That's got to be welcome news for the beleaguered Uhuru Kenyatta, who has been having a tough time passing his family fiefdom off as a stable and modern democracy. Every time you turn around the towellers of terror from next door are pulling some headline grabbing stunt to sully the reputation of one of our most staunch allies in all Africa.

As with virtually all terror outfits, the al-Shabaabers have come up with some flimsy excuse to justify their mayhem. In this case, it's the fact that Kenya has troops in Somalia. Well, of course they do! How else is democracy and good governance to take root in that benighted land? Of course, the Kenyan intervention is doubly good because it is being carried out at the behest of the Nations of Virtue.

Now that Netanyahu is aboard, expect the Shabaabers to exit stage right in the very near future. After all, look at how the visionary stewardship of the "greatest leader since Moses" has brought peace and prosperity to the Holy Land.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

About Canada's retarded foreign policy

Anyone who follows news from more than the usual North American mainstream platforms already knows that the Shia militias that congealed around the anti-US resistance post 2003 Iraq were really nasty sons of bitches.


So fast forward to today, and we've got these nasty sons of bitches doing our dirty work rooting out IS from Tikrit.

According to Big Steve, we gotta bomb ISIL in Syria because... well, we're not quite sure, but we all agree that those Islamic State dudes are really really bad so we gotta bomb them...

What we're doing is providing air support for the Shia militias who are doing the dirty work in rooting out IS.

The guys we are supporting are in every aspect as vile as the guys we are bombing.

This is not our business, this is not our war.

Why is Stephen Harper dragging us into this?

Ron Giesbrecht re-elected despite being relentlessly slandered by racist PostMedia

Nobody in the main-stream media went after Ron Giesbrecht more viciously than the so-called journalists at PostMedia.

They're still talking about his supposed "million dollar salary" even as they reluctantly report his re-election.

The people writing that copy totally understand the difference between a "salary" and a bonus. They demonstrate their understanding in every story they ever put out about any business leader. But when it comes to reporting about Chief Giesbrecht, a once in a career bonus becomes the man's salary.

Why do the editors at PostMedia push this blatant lie?

You tell me.

Friday, April 3, 2015

Party poopers already raining on Baird's retirement parade

You'd think that after two decades of making the world a better place via his selfless public service, John Baird would be allowed to slink quietly into the private sector to pursue the "stuff-my-pockets" phase of his career.

After all, he's earned it.

But no!

No sooner has his "strategic adviser" gig at Barrick Gold been announced, than some pinko agitator claims that Baird was snugly-cosy with the Barrick boys throughout his tenure as Foreign Minister.

And oddly enough, it was during that tenure that Canada made mining the centre-piece of its foreign policy!

Hmmm.... maybe those pinkos at are onto something?

Raising the bar at Falling Downs

We may have raised the bar, but I fear we may have alienated our base.

Yup, these small time blogs that nobody reads grapple with the same kind of issues that haunt the big political parties.

The Dems have a base. People with post-secondary educations.

The GOP base is born-again Christians who forgot to read the New Testament.

In Canada, the Conservative base is people who wished they lived in the US, at least if that black guy wasn't in the White House.

The Liberal base is made up of folks who have fond memories of Trudeau's dear daddy.

The NDP base is the folks with post-secondary educations.

The Green Party base just went out for a breath of fresh air and will be back in a minute.

Our base here at Falling Downs is the literate hillbilly crowd.

Ya I know, "crowd" is totally the wrong word...

But we did something today that might alienate our base...

We no longer have a broke-down washing machine on the front porch.

We are now counting on the various parts cars scattered about the property to maintain our hillbilly cred.

Not sure how that's gonna work out. As a matter of fact, me and Junior spent the afternoon with booster cables and ether re-arranging the fleet, and pretty much everything still runs, at least with a little bit of encouragement.

Oddly enough, some guy from Albrights Auto Wreckers left his business card in the door the other day. Apparently he had his greedy eye on our fleet. Underlined the part where it said "scrap."

I don't have no scrap around here, Mr. Albright.

At the moment, my weakest link is the old Allis loader/back-hoe. While it is true that she has not been functional for a couple of years, that is no reason to conclude she will not rise again. I am 99% sure that the non-functionality stems from a relatively minor wiring flaw somewhere in the ignition circuit.

You don't dispatch a family member of a quarter century's standing to the scrap-yard for a minor wiring flaw.
That ain't happening around here...

So while some challenges lie ahead, at least the Farm Manager will be gratified that there is no longer a broke-down washing machine on the front porch... did I mention that washing machine was a Kenmore not five years old?

Don't even get me started on how they build shit today....

Guess John Baird's next sinecure and win a Falling Downs coffee mug!

We've already congratulated Big John on his appointments at Barrick Gold and CP Rail. As we predicted, those two sinecures leave vast amounts of open space in Mr. Baird's schedule, open space destined to be filled with more lucrative influence-peddling appointments.

Sure enough, today word comes out that John will also be advising Hong Kong billionaire Michael Li, son of mega-billionaire Li Kashing, richest man in Asia!

These must be heady times for the humble former politico from Ottawa!

So what's next for Big John? We've already speculated that Sheldon Adelson will have a little something for him, for his great work on behalf of the right-wing lunatics in the Holy Land, but what else?

Remember the "Tour de Canada" that Baird treated the Foreign Minister of the UAE to last summer? Apparently he and Sheikh Abdullah bin Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan got along like a house on fire! And guess what? Sheikh Abdullah isn't just the Foreign Minister of the UAE, he also happens to be the son of the country's founding father AND Deputy Chairman of the Board of Directors of the Abu Dhabi Fund for Development, the second richest sovereign wealth fund on the planet!

I'm guessing Sheikh Abdullah is always on the look-out for key strategic advisers and that John Baird would fit the bill perfectly.

What else? I think an operator like Dan Gertler could use a man of Baird's prodigious connections to take his company to the next level of respectability... but why not throw this guessing game open to the general public?

Announcing the BIG BUCKS FOR BIG JOHN BAIRD POOL. What global multi-national or mega-billionaire will be next in announcing that they have signed up Baird to give them strategic advice? Just send ten dollars along with your guess to this blog, and if you guess correctly, we'll send you a genuine Falling Downs coffee mug!

See, we can all win when John Baird wins!

A tale of two navies

Two navies. Two headlines on the same day.

Chinese navy helps hundreds of foreign nationals evacuate war-torn Yemen. According to the story, Canada was among the nations requesting assistance in evacuating their nationals from that country.

But wait, doesn't Canada have its own navy?

Yes, but they're otherwise preoccupied.

Canadian navy helps intercept cocaine near Costa Rica. It's a matter of priorities, and the brain trust in Ottawa obviously isn't going to let a few "Canadians" of dubious authenticity distract them from the War on Drugs.

After all, any supposed Canadians in Yemen are more than likely just "Canadians of convenience" who expect Canada to bail them out of every jam just because they managed to get their hands on a Canadian passport. Let the Chinese navy save them if they must.

The Royal Canadian Navy has bigger fish to fry.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

The great "Iran Nuclear Deal" sham

We are this evening bombarded with news stories variously announcing, celebrating, questioning, condemning the "breakthrough" at Lausanne.

In reality this means next to nothing. According to the assessments of the top US and Israeli spy agencies, the Iranians gave up a serious nukes program years ago.

Which is why we had to invent the concept of "break-out time." Not only do we have to prevent an actual nuclear weapon, we have to prevent them from thinking about an actual nuclear weapon.

As long as Israel has nuclear weapons, you can't blame Iran for thinking about them. After all, it is well proven that nuclear weapons have a salutary deterrent effect.

That's why Israel has them.

That's why Iran wants them.

Mohamed Fahmy doesn't get it

Mohamed Fahmy still seems to be under the impression that the Canadian government should be working feverishly behind the scenes to get him out of Egypt. He is, after all, a Canadian citizen.

Obviously, they haven't been, or he'd be free by now. Problem is, the vindictive racists in Harper's Ottawa don't see him as a Canadian at all. They see him as an Egyptian, and not a "good" Egyptian like Generalissimo al-Sisi, but a highly suspect Egyptian who most likely harbours thoughts sympathetic to the Muslim Brotherhood and, God forbid, Palestinians.

While he may technically be a Canadian, he's not really one; he's just one of those "Canadians of convenience" who keeps a Canadian passport in his back pocket as an insurance policy of sorts. The Middle East is full of those kind of Canadians, and frankly, the Harperites are sick of them.

Unlike the many folks who successfully hold dual Canada-Israel citizenship, Arab Canadian loyalties must always be suspect. It's yet another manifestation of what, over the last ten years, has become the dominant characteristic of the face Canada shows to the world; our hypocrisy.

Omar Khadr is another sterling example of that face. A lot of worthy-sounding do-gooder initiatives get serious traction in Canada, because most Canadians fancy themselves as kind and compassionate people. The campaign to free and rehabilitate child soldiers was one of these initiatives, at least so long as the problem of child soldiers was confined to primitive nations teeming with barbaric brown people. Then a 15 year old Afghan-Canadian kid gets caught in a fire-fight with US troops in Afghanistan, and all that compassion flies out the window faster than you can say "just kidding," and the Harper gang have spent untold millions blocking every legal move aimed at freeing and rehabilitating our own child soldier.

Again, it's because while he may have been technically a Canadian, he wasn't considered a "real" Canadian, because his daddy was a "terrorist" and his mommy wears a Niqab, and the dirty little shit personally threw a hand-grenade that killed a US soldier in Afghanistan, and any Afghan defending Afghanistan from the tender mercies of the US/NATO liberation is not worthy of inclusion in a modern civilized society like Canada.

Now this most virtuous of the Nations of Virtue has committed to spending half a billion dollars bombing Syria, a mission with only the fuzziest of rationales, no explicit goals, and no exit strategy. What we're seeing is Harper using foreign policy and the Canadian Forces to paint himself as some ersatz Warrior King in time for the coming election.

Let's hope enough voters see through the hypocrisy.

Tracking the Toyotas of Terror

Image result for terrorists with trucks

There's a veritable gusher of speculation about how all those Toyota trucks end up in the hands of various terrorist entities. Google "terrorist toyotas" and you'll see what I mean.

What you don't find anywhere is a reasonable answer. After all, these vehicles come off assembly lines in Japan or the USA; they aren't hand-crafted by local craftsmen. They have VIN codes. They can be tracked.

So why aren't they?

My hunch is that the people best situated to track them, ie US/NATO  and allied law enforcement agencies, know very well where these trucks come from and by what channels they get to al Qaeda, al Nusra, IS, etc, but would prefer the public didn't.

I have a further hunch that any enterprising independent investigative journalist would have his head detached from his body long before he got to the bottom of the story.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Proof that money doesn't buy happiness

I always aspired to being a billionaire.

On my best day, I was about 999 millions short.

I didn't aspire to that for the money.

I just wanted to impress my dad.

Really impress him.

Obviously that didn't work out.

But I've had a pretty lucky and happy life...

On the other hand, consider the life of Andrew Getty.

Andrew Getty didn't need to aspire to billionairehood, because he was born a billionaire.

Now you automatically want to say, that's a happy thing!

Then you read the fine print.

Reading between the lines, we learn that Andrew blew the sidewalls out of his lower intestine. We are left to speculate as to the cause of this blow-out.

I don't care if you're a billionaire suffering a lower intestine malfunction or just a regular schmuck, I feel your pain.

Some things are worth more than money.

Shit haemorrhage kills billionaire

So Andrew Getty apparently died of blunt force trauma to his ass hole.


And apparently, and I use that word advisedly, the "girlfriend" who reported the shit haemorrhage was subject to a restraining order. Read all about it, if you really care to, here.

If you've been awaiting more proof that money doesn't buy happiness, this is it.