First off, the traditional bugle call to action, which dates back to the earliest days of the US Cavalry, is going to have to be updated.
As it stands, it's got way too much structure. It sounds the same every time a competent trumpet player sounds it, and I suspect the notes have been written down somewhere.
Structure is the enemy of inclusion, and note-reading, even more than alphabet reading, is a tool of the oppressor.
Nope, we need more of a free jazz battle call, one that's gonna be fresh and surprising every time. One that is open to buglers of varied abilities. One that embraces, rather than excludes.
Secondly, if the Rooskies don't die laughing at that, we'll hit them with our Inalienable Pronoun Protocol. Even when the commies want to surrender, we won't let them till they sign off. No point in fighting for freedom and democracy and human rights if we don't get them to sign off on the Pronoun Protocol.
Finally, when the oppressed gays throughout the Russian Empire rise up in support of our triumphant invasion, we will install them as our occupation authority throughout that long-suffering land. We'll put in a Paul Bremer, (or even the Paul Bremer if he's gone gay) in our Provisional Rainbow Governing Authority of our Russian Territories.
Our conquest of Russia will be Gay Liberation like you've never seen it before!
On the other hand, if it doesn't work out, maybe the Americans will finally go home, leave the world at peace, and get their own house in order.
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