Why Canadians get Thanksgiving six weeks early

It’s Canadian Thanksgiving. Our American cousins have to wait another six weeks or so before they celebrate. They usually lard it up with lots of sporting “Thanksgiving traditions” as in this year’s NFL Thanksgiving Day triple-header on November 24. Oddly enough, that day is also the 9 month anniversary of Putin’s totally unprovoked and brutal invasion of Ukraine. We can be sure that half-time shows on NFL broadcasts on November 24 will regale us with reminders of Ukraine’s valorous resistance to Putin. A fly-by of F-35s in blue and yellow, perhaps? Which brings me to the distinction between Canadian and American Thanksgiving. The reason we Canadians give thanks six weeks sooner is we obviously have more to be thankful for. For example, unlike us, the Yanks are fated by destiny to be the LEADERS of something called the “free world.” How they can plausibly claim to lead such a thing when they have by a wide margin the highest rate of incarceration in the entire world, not just the “free” one, is a mystery to me. Fortunately, with the exception of a few over-wrought pundits at CBC and the Globe, nobody in Canada imagines we “lead” anything of consequence anywhere. Oh, the Lima Group, perhaps! Yup, that Random Guido episode was a real credit to our international profile! We also have our national public health care system to be thankful for. For all its flaws, the fact that our Covid mortality rate is one quarter that of our free market neighbors counts for something. Finally, let us not forget gun control. As a middle-aged guy with two ex-wives and a few near-misses, I’m thrilled that an angry person can’t just walk into Home Hardware and buy the tool that will blow my brains out. On this Canadian Thanksgiving, let’s celebrate the fact we’re not Americans.