Axl Rose; harbinger of the Apocalypse

Axl did some cool shit back in the day and then he became a ROCK STAR.

Way larger than life.

The world at large tired of that quite quickly, but it kept Axl himself mesmerized for decades.

But is he ever back!

There are multiple levels of irony at play when we witness rock and roll icons rocking their knee braces.

So Axl fronting for the most formulaicly successful rock band of all time should come as no surprise.

But what does it all mean?

Think about it...

...and the longer you think about it, the more likely you are to suspect that what we're seeing in these end times is a bunch of anxious suits worried about the expiry dates on their meal tickets.

I mean, are there any sound reasons whatsoever for even having another AC/DC tour?

Let's face it, AC/DC is AC/DC. They've never aspired to anything else. They are really good at what they do. Old age has knocked a couple of key members out of this tour.

Enter Axl.

Maybe he's still into the rock star thing. Maybe he needs the money.

Maybe.

Or maybe we're witnessing the collapse of that pop culture scaffolding that's been propping up our faith in capitalism for the last hundred years.

Axl Rose announces new Axl Rose Hall of Axl Rose Fame for Malibu

The announcement followed news that Axl had declined the honor of being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Critics immediately assumed that was Rose’s way of saying he was bigger than Rock and Roll.

It’s not that Axl’s too big; it’s just his head.

Axl Rose has suffered from a common condition that afflicts many stars. In Axl’s case though, the disease has made the transition from psychological to actually having physical symptoms. Thus, when people say “Axl’s got a swollen head” they’re not kidding. His head really has gotten too big for his body.

Hollywood psychoanalyst to the stars Dr. Helmut Finkelbeiner  has treated many gigantic egos, but has never seen another case where the bloated sense of self leads to actual bloating of the cranium.

“Axl has suffered horribly from this affliction. He’s basically confined to the two story solarium at his Malibu mansion. There’s an eight foot set of sliding doors that still allow him to get in and out of the house, but he can’t get in a car anymore so he’s pretty much stuck in Malibu.”

Insiders report that while Axl exhibited many early symptoms of Bloated Head Syndrome as early as the late ‘80’s, things really took a turn for the worse when he ditched his original bandmates.  The thirteen year gestation period for Chinese Democracy saw a steady deterioration of his condition.

The creation of the Axl Rose Hall of Axl Rose Fame will give fans an opportunity to pay homage to the greatest singing voice in the history of music.