I bought a bathtub faucet with 25 pages of instructions

And I never read instructions till all else has failed. We could be in a heap 'o shit here, depending on how things play out. To be fair, it's a bit more than a bathtub faucet. At the heart of it is a substantial brass casting with four connections coming out. Right away I recognize we're in stupid land here, because there's utterly no sound reason to have more than two connections into a faucet, those being the hot and the cold. Anything more is mere status signalling. But if you want a sharp looking shower/tub combo that'll help you keep up with the Jones's, or the Kardashians, you gotta upgrade from the basics. Hence the 25 pages of instructions.

I'm a sixty-year-old woman and I know an asshole when I meet one

I heard those words from the Farm Manager recently. She was referring to a gentleman of our recent acquaintance. Apparently he's got a bad case of toxic masculinity going on. Which could well be the case. I'm a bit up in the air myself over the toxicity of my masculinity, such as it is, and therefore a poor judge of either masculinity or toxicity. Be that as it may, it's very refreshing to hear a sixty-year-old woman assert her asshole-detection skills. And by God, they start honing those skills at a young age, do they not? Remember in grade 3 when you pelted the girl you liked with snowballs at recess? That's an eight-year-old boy showing affection, but that's toxic masculinity right there. That's in grade three. You can imagine how much you've seen and what it looks like by the time you're sixty.

Piss 'n vinegar

You gotta wonder where that saying came from. If it came from someone literally pissing vinegar, I imagine that would sting. You wouldn't want to be pissing too much vinegar for too long. But what is more likely, is our piss 'n vinegar shout-out went to someone building a brand. "Full of piss and vinegar" came to mean a youthfull go-getter who was on track to make something of themselves. There's not an official P&V rating system, but a lot of these folks show up on your "top 40 under 40" lists. They're not so much youthfull go-getters as they are establishment ass-kissers.

The zen of plumbing

The monumentally (emphasis on "mental") ill-advised mission to refit the bathroom continues. Regular readers will recall that this adventure began with a well-intentioned attempt to repair a drippy faucet. Things went from drippy faucet to bathroom armeggedon right quick. But at least we finally got rid of the last galvanized water pipe in this 100 year plus farm house. Today the new bathtub arrived at the end of the drive, a mere three days after the three week delivery window specified in the sales contract. Whatever. At least it's on site now, and I can get on with its precise placement and the fitting of faucets, drains, etc. Back in the old days, I would have called a plumber. But I'm retired now. I got a lotta time on my hands, and I need things to occuppy my time that don't include a screen and a keyboard. Plumbing is actually a necessary condition for civilization, and it should be treated as such. It needs a lot more respect. Pipes that make your sinks work and your toilet flush are the fulcrum on which civilization teeters. If you didn't have plumbing and plumbers, the coders and the programmers and the experts would have to live somewhere else. Either that, or figure out how to install a toilet. Or a bathtub, in my case.

Are the homeless stealing your Amazon Prime deliveries off your porch?

I was at the dog park with Big-Lips Bruno the other day, and was eavesdropping on a couple of gals discussing the matter. Cooper's mom, (Cooper is a handsome shepherd-something cross) was confiding to Karma's mom (Karma is a beautiful American boxer) that she had purchased a new computer. She needed to be home for the day of delivery to make sure the local ravine dwellers didn't bugger off with her new laptop. To which Karma's mom rejoinders that in her neighbourhood, the ravine dwellers grab her shit as soon as it's delivered, to make sure nobody steals it. When she gets home they deliver it back to her in return for a modest tip or a meal. I'm with Karma's mom on this one.

Uncle Sam takes Europe down the garden path

If you heard the words of that tedious mediocrity Borrell recently, you'll appreciate the garden reference. I’m aware my take on the Ukraine war doesn’t follow the mainstream template. Putin desperate to reconstitute a Russian empire? Nah… far more likely; a desperate American empire hoping against all evidence to maintain the status quo. The usual mainstream experts, every one of whom has a vested interest in promoting a particular narrative, have been telling us since February Ukraine is winning the war. The reason they keep telling us that is because America’s rep is on the line here. The entire point of Uncle Sam’s Ukrainian adventure, aside from further enriching the usual suspects, is to demonstrate to the world that the World Boss is still the world boss. That’s been a hard sell ever since the Greatest Military of All Time folded the tent in Afghanistan. Having lost a twenty year battle with semi-literate religious fanatics, Uncle Sam decided to reclaim his mojo by taking on Russia and China. After all, those are autocratic bad-guy states, and America leads the democratic and free world, and therefore we must ensure freedom, democracy, human rights, and US hegemony prevail. This battle for the preservation of America’s global leadership is playing out far away from America’s borders. It’s playing out in Europe. How and why European elites have bought into this scenario is another matter, but this is where we’re at. When Europe realizes the price they’re paying in the battle to preserve American exceptionalism, there may be some hard feelings. No where more than in Ukraine. No less an authority than Henry Kissinger once opined that to be America’s adversary is dangerous, but being America’s friend is deadly.

Drunk Polish farmer blows up load of fertilizer with stray ciggy butt, international incident ensues

The news channels are abuzz with Russia's missile attack on Poland. Al Jazeera has offereed extensive footage of the missile strike zone. If that was the handiwork of the Rooskies, they must have used their smallest missiles. All I see is a farm wagon tipped over, but still attached to the tractor that was towing it at the time of the missile strike. The tractor does not appear to be damaged. What's more likely is there was an unfortunate farm accident in Poland, and it is being used as a talking point to fan WWIII flames. "Oh my God Putin has attacked a NATO member and now they gotta invoke Article 5." Well, even if it was a deliberate Russian missile attack on a remote Polish cornfield, nobody is actually obliged to invoke A 5, and despite the war-whoops coming from the Baltic midgets, there's no chance of Article 5 invocation any time soon.