Gaddafi redux

I see where "the rebels" have toppled the Tyrant of Tripoli. Well, almost, anyway.

Not sure about those rebels, or the "rag-tag rebel army" as the media incessantly refers to them. What the hell is that supposed to mean. Rag-tag? Please! From what I've seen on Al Jazeera, these guys have been fighting their way across the desert for six months without ever getting their designer jeans dirty. That's rag-tag?

Sure hope this toppling goes better than when we took down the Beast of Bagdhad. That was what's called a pyrrhic victory; in other words, we can't afford too many more victories like that. Sure, we made the Iraqi oil-fields safe for democracy, and now our rebels have almost made the Libyan oil-fields safe for democracy, but we're missing an important consideration here. It's one thing to liberate oil-fields; it's another thing keeping them safe for democracy in perpetuity... or at least till the oil runs out. In other words, when you spend a trillion dollars to liberate half a trillion dollars worth of oil, maybe there could have been more efficient and less bloody ways of getting the oil you need.

So our rebels have been fighting the good fight, haven't they? Sure, they've become known more for the frequency and enthusiasm of their retreats rather than their fighting prowess, but let's face it, had they got the proper support from NATO they needn't have fought at all. And dammit, you have to admit they looked good. I've never seen so many Hermes scarves on a rebel army. And back to that rag-tag nonsense. Although  the always obliging BBC and Al Jazeera news crews didn't show it, our rebels obviously had one of the most efficient laundry corps in the history of warfare.

Prime Minister Harper interrupted my morning TV schedule (hey it was another rainy day!) with the good news that our rebels had almost put paid to the Monster of the Maghreb. And he exhorted all of us, every Canadian, to share the pride. After all, our rebels couldn't have done it without our thousands of NATO bombs, and as Canadians, we can take special pride because a humble Canadian General was in charge of the NATO bombing! Yessirree, those Libyan folks and their oil have (almost) been liberated from 42 years of "barbarity, oppression, and violence" Harper told me, and every Canadian should be oh-so-proud.

I thought, wait a minute Big Steve, you're not telling the whole story here. I've been rooting around on the world wide web some of these rainy days. What I found will shock you. The Tyrant of Tripoli, in the course of 42 years of barbarity, oppression, and violence, managed to deliver the Libyan people the highest standard of living in Africa. Furthermore, when you compare the stats on things like life expectancy, infant mortality, suicide rates, literacy rates, HIV/AIDS infection rates between Libya and Canada's native population, those oppressed Libyan's have done a whole lot better than the native people of Canada.

So I've come up with a sure-fire win-win, Big Steve, and I need your help. Make Gaddafi an offer he can't refuse (and at this point I think you'd be in the driver's seat, Steve). Offer him a way out. Bring him to Canada and make him Minister of Indian Affairs. If he can reproduce the success he has had in Libya these past 42 years, our native brothers and sisters will be way better off than they've been under the heel of your White elite these past 200.

Something to think about, Steve.