What? You thought it was pure innocent Mother Nature behind this meteorological mayhem?
No way!
Remember the news reports about those Ruskie Tu-22 long range bombers "testing" America's air defence perimeter a couple weeks ago?
They weren't testing anything. They were cloud seeding.
Yup, that's a thing. Google it.
Putin was hoping that the ensuing mayhem would befall Gotham City and Gomorrah. In fact, he was counting on it. This mid-April surprise was intended to loosen us up for his next surprise; a full-on assault on Gotham and Gom... oops, I mean NYC and Washington.
Alas, all that cloud seeding was for naught. The hand of God reached out, as it always does for the Exceptional Nation, and tweaked the jet stream just enough to direct that storm to Toronto, away from NYC and Washington.
Praise the Lord!
But those poor dumbshits in Toronto still can't figure out what they did to deserve this...
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