You just couldn't make this stuff up!
Rob Ford's re-election campaign has hired the disgraced sprinter Ben Johnson and Trailer Park Boys minor character Caveman Losco.
Johnson was very briefly the fastest man in the world after winning gold in the 100m in the '88 Olympics. Less than 24 hours later his pee-test suffered an epic fail, and that was the end of that. He went on to become the personal trainer for one of the Gaddafi kids in Libya.
If you're not familiar with Caveman, here's a sampler. Yes, Trailer Park Boys is one of the most brilliant TV sitcoms of all time, and maybe if Ford coulda got Bubbles or Randy he'd be onto something...
But Caveman?
For God's sakes, yer honour; your extra-curriculars are starting to impact your better judgement!
Showing posts with label Rob Ford crack scandal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rob Ford crack scandal. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Convicted felon gives Harper gang all-clear on Senate scandal
When Conrad Black says, "I don't see any problem..." you should
- breathe a sigh of relief
- tighten your belt and adjust your suspenders
- talk to your lawyer
- turn yourself in at the nearest police station.
Conrad is not one to allow a criminal conviction to stand in the way of his pontificating about the travails of the Harper gang. Conrad doesn't see a problem, except for Corporal Horton (who provides the segue to a gratuitous Hitler reference in the article).
Conrad is a bit like Rob Ford; too full of himself to have any sense of shame.
Friday, November 8, 2013
It's open season for bullying Rob Ford
It's OK to bully bullies.
That was my MO back in the day when I got lean and mean and was able to turn the tables on a few of the guys who had bullied me back in high school.
How do you like it now?
Nobody here at Falling Downs has ever been a Rob Ford fan. But the Toronto Star anti-Ford campaign has given us pause.
Today the Farm Manager opined that "they're driving him to suicide, or at least a heart attack."
You don't have to look at too many pictures of Rob Ford to realize that the heart attack is just a matter of time.
But the suicide will only be the result of the ceaseless hounding by the free press.
Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
That was my MO back in the day when I got lean and mean and was able to turn the tables on a few of the guys who had bullied me back in high school.
How do you like it now?
Nobody here at Falling Downs has ever been a Rob Ford fan. But the Toronto Star anti-Ford campaign has given us pause.
Today the Farm Manager opined that "they're driving him to suicide, or at least a heart attack."
You don't have to look at too many pictures of Rob Ford to realize that the heart attack is just a matter of time.
But the suicide will only be the result of the ceaseless hounding by the free press.
Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
How to make world class Toronto even world-classier
Not that Rob Ford hasn't put TO on the world-class map already.
Today our crackhead mayor was on the home news page at Reuters.com, The Guardian, BBC, all the US networks, Al Jazeera....
I think some of the more news-starved touchy-feely news programs are going to take notice of the Ford-Blair catfight, and by God, once that goes viral, Toronto will be even more world-classier than before!
Imagine; crack-smoking Mayor threatens to fire straight-arrow Police Chief. That's the kind of shit CNN can milk for months!
Eventually, when the mayor still has his job but the Chief is unemployed, CNN will give Toronto even more free PR!
Ooohh!!! WE'RE WORLD CLASS AT LAST!!!
Today our crackhead mayor was on the home news page at Reuters.com, The Guardian, BBC, all the US networks, Al Jazeera....
I think some of the more news-starved touchy-feely news programs are going to take notice of the Ford-Blair catfight, and by God, once that goes viral, Toronto will be even more world-classier than before!
Imagine; crack-smoking Mayor threatens to fire straight-arrow Police Chief. That's the kind of shit CNN can milk for months!
Eventually, when the mayor still has his job but the Chief is unemployed, CNN will give Toronto even more free PR!
Ooohh!!! WE'RE WORLD CLASS AT LAST!!!
Salt Lake Tribune reveals Toronto mayor smokes crack
See what I mean?
We're world class now, baby!
Even in Salt Lake City they care what happens in Toronto!
W-O-R-L-D C-L-A-S-S!!!
Thank you Rob Ford!
We're world class now, baby!
Even in Salt Lake City they care what happens in Toronto!
W-O-R-L-D C-L-A-S-S!!!
Thank you Rob Ford!
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Toronto goes to hell!
Rob Ford is having his Marion Barry moment.
His TO base is apoplectic.
"We elected a fat cracker, not a goddam fat crackhead!"
I don't know how they missed the warning signs. All that time "helping" under-privileged black youth - hell, that shoulda been the tip-off right there! After all, when was all that "help" gonna turn into something more sinister?
Like smoking crack with under-privileged black youth?
There's certain things we expect from the middle-aged white dudes we elect to run our world. Alcoholism. Philandering. Maybe a line of coke once in awhile, as long as they don't inhale...
But smoking crack with black gangstas?
That is so far beyond the pale it ain't even funny.
Toronto is in turmoil tonight...
His TO base is apoplectic.
"We elected a fat cracker, not a goddam fat crackhead!"
I don't know how they missed the warning signs. All that time "helping" under-privileged black youth - hell, that shoulda been the tip-off right there! After all, when was all that "help" gonna turn into something more sinister?
Like smoking crack with under-privileged black youth?
There's certain things we expect from the middle-aged white dudes we elect to run our world. Alcoholism. Philandering. Maybe a line of coke once in awhile, as long as they don't inhale...
But smoking crack with black gangstas?
That is so far beyond the pale it ain't even funny.
Toronto is in turmoil tonight...
Friday, August 23, 2013
World-class wannabe delivers world-class dose of food poisoning
Folks in Toronto are so stunned they elected a right-wing dickhead as mayor because he campaigned on the age-old ploy of promising to cut wasteful spending.
What that meant in practice was privatizing trash pickup; what used to be a $45 thousand a year job has been privatized into a $25 thousand a year job - this in a city where the average house price is well north of half a million.
The world class wannabees are getting a double-dose of class today. None other than former world-class professional wrestler Hulk Hogan favoured the city with a visit!
Not only that, but he did a PR turn with the mayor by challenging him to an arm wrestle! Is that world class or what?
But... not only that, THE MAYOR WON!!!
OH YA WE'RE TALKIN' WORLD CLASS NOW BABY!
That should put to rest the vile crack video innuendo that's been dogging His Worship for months.
Sadly, news of the mayor's victory was eclipsed by the news that over 150 people have been felled by food poisoning after visiting one of the world's greatest open-air harvest festivals, the CNE.
Apparently what did them in was the "cronutburger", an invention that was to put Toronto on the culinary map once and for all.
That's how it goes in Toronto's neverending struggle to make the "A" list of world class cities... every once in awhile a step forward, but then, regrettably, a step back.
What that meant in practice was privatizing trash pickup; what used to be a $45 thousand a year job has been privatized into a $25 thousand a year job - this in a city where the average house price is well north of half a million.
The world class wannabees are getting a double-dose of class today. None other than former world-class professional wrestler Hulk Hogan favoured the city with a visit!
Not only that, but he did a PR turn with the mayor by challenging him to an arm wrestle! Is that world class or what?
But... not only that, THE MAYOR WON!!!
OH YA WE'RE TALKIN' WORLD CLASS NOW BABY!
That should put to rest the vile crack video innuendo that's been dogging His Worship for months.
Sadly, news of the mayor's victory was eclipsed by the news that over 150 people have been felled by food poisoning after visiting one of the world's greatest open-air harvest festivals, the CNE.
Apparently what did them in was the "cronutburger", an invention that was to put Toronto on the culinary map once and for all.
That's how it goes in Toronto's neverending struggle to make the "A" list of world class cities... every once in awhile a step forward, but then, regrettably, a step back.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
You know you're screwed when even the right-wing news outlets are mocking you
Toronto media are edging closer and closer to the "sinister" that was fore-shadowed here yesterday.
Are people dying over the Mayor-Ford-smokes-crack story?
Certainly a number of careers are dying.
And the Ford media base at The Toronto Sun can no longer be counted on to have the Ford brothers' back.
There's a time to fold the tent.
Are people dying over the Mayor-Ford-smokes-crack story?
Certainly a number of careers are dying.
And the Ford media base at The Toronto Sun can no longer be counted on to have the Ford brothers' back.
There's a time to fold the tent.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Ford brothers' secret conspiracy to take over Toronto unravels
Sometime in 2011 at a secret conclave deep in the Muskoka woods, Globe and Mail Ed in Chief John Crackhouse assigned a crack team of investigative journalists to investigate a series of alarming rumours they had picked up.
Doug Ford was "The Godfather."
Rob was his dimwitted front man.
Unbeknownst to the Globe's team of investigative journos, its cross-town rivals at The Star had heard the same rumours and were unleashing their own team of crack investigators!
Fast forward a year and a half... The Star team gets their expose to the people first! The dimwitted front man has been caught on tape SMOKING CRACK!!!
There is one minor flaw in their scoop; they don't have the tape.
Bummer, man....
The shifty dark-skinned drug-dealers who control the streets of Toronto for Doug's crack empire want $200,000 for it. The Star board of directors balk. They have ethical quibbles with chequebook journalism. Besides, it's way too expensive.
For an entire week the dimwitted front man goes to ground. The great city of Toronto is agog. 3 million souls wait for the next rock to drop.
Suddenly the dimwitted front man re-appears. He's his lively animated self on his weekly radio show. His confidence has rebounded, his joie de vivre is back!... He is confident that no tape exists!
Life is back to good!
Meanwhile, the Star's star reporters on the crack investigative team have lost all contact with their contacts in the Ford Empire of Crack...
Could it be that The Godfather coughed up the 200 grand?
Or does a far more sinister insinuation await us when we open our newspapers tomorrow morning?
Doug Ford was "The Godfather."
Rob was his dimwitted front man.
Unbeknownst to the Globe's team of investigative journos, its cross-town rivals at The Star had heard the same rumours and were unleashing their own team of crack investigators!
Fast forward a year and a half... The Star team gets their expose to the people first! The dimwitted front man has been caught on tape SMOKING CRACK!!!
There is one minor flaw in their scoop; they don't have the tape.
Bummer, man....
The shifty dark-skinned drug-dealers who control the streets of Toronto for Doug's crack empire want $200,000 for it. The Star board of directors balk. They have ethical quibbles with chequebook journalism. Besides, it's way too expensive.
For an entire week the dimwitted front man goes to ground. The great city of Toronto is agog. 3 million souls wait for the next rock to drop.
Suddenly the dimwitted front man re-appears. He's his lively animated self on his weekly radio show. His confidence has rebounded, his joie de vivre is back!... He is confident that no tape exists!
Life is back to good!
Meanwhile, the Star's star reporters on the crack investigative team have lost all contact with their contacts in the Ford Empire of Crack...
Could it be that The Godfather coughed up the 200 grand?
Or does a far more sinister insinuation await us when we open our newspapers tomorrow morning?
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Globe and Mail digs deep and discovers Toronto mayor's brother once might have sold hashish!
Thirty years ago!
And you thought investigative journalism was dead!
According to the Globe they spent a year and a half digging up the dirt on the Ford family.
The mayor's brother used to deal hash, according to some anonymous informants.
The mayor's sister has had some unfortunate relationships with losers.
It's all front page news today!
You'd think that a year and a half of the paper's ever-dwindling resources might have been directed towards more significant issues, but apparently the brain trust that runs Canada's "newspaper of record" couldn't think of any.
And you thought investigative journalism was dead!
According to the Globe they spent a year and a half digging up the dirt on the Ford family.
The mayor's brother used to deal hash, according to some anonymous informants.
The mayor's sister has had some unfortunate relationships with losers.
It's all front page news today!
You'd think that a year and a half of the paper's ever-dwindling resources might have been directed towards more significant issues, but apparently the brain trust that runs Canada's "newspaper of record" couldn't think of any.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Is Rob Ford Canada's Marion Barry?
One would like to think not.
Barry was the DC Mayor caught out in a crack-cocaine scandal, only to come back and be re-elected as mayor.
While we'd like to think this is not the fate of Ford, you must admit he has spent an inordinate amount of time around black youths.
An inexplicably large amount of time, if you know what I mean...
There are two at-risk groups get burned by the crack-cocaine flame.
Black youths.
Politicians.
Rob Ford may not be a black youth, but he is most definitely a politician.
Barry was the DC Mayor caught out in a crack-cocaine scandal, only to come back and be re-elected as mayor.
While we'd like to think this is not the fate of Ford, you must admit he has spent an inordinate amount of time around black youths.
An inexplicably large amount of time, if you know what I mean...
There are two at-risk groups get burned by the crack-cocaine flame.
Black youths.
Politicians.
Rob Ford may not be a black youth, but he is most definitely a politician.
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