It all started with a drippy faucet

I've been ignoring the drippy bathtub faucet for years. It's not really that drippy. But according to the Farm Manager, even a modest amount of drippage stains the tub, and how can anyone exist in the modern world with bathtub stains. You can imagine how enthusiastic I'd be to act on such flawed impluses, but unfortunately those impulses never go away, and I found myself last Thursday shopping for a new bathtub faucet. I was mightily impressed with how quickly I resolved the years-long dilema of the drippy faucet. In the space of a couple hours I had a shiny new faucet installed, and no drips! That's where I should have left things. But no. I was pumped. I was filled with can-do overconfidence. Overcome with optomism. That should always be a red flag. While I'd solved the big drip, there were also some very minor ones coming from the taps. Why not tackle them while I'm on a roll. By noon of Friday I'm having a heart to heart with the plumbing expert at Home Hardware. He's never seen the type of tap hardware I brought in to show him first-hand the results of my attempted washer change. He thought I was looking for the county museum! By noon Saturday I've got a brand new Milwakee grinder in hand with a cutting disc on, and I'm chopping up the last 20 ft of galvanized pipe. By now the old bathtub is out the end of the lane with "free scrap" scribbled on the side. It'll be gone in a couple of days. Meanwhile, I'm studying hard whether to go PEX or copper on my new water lines. The FM is busy finding possible bathtubs on the internet. That's a lot of stresss that could have been avoided by leaving well enough alone.

Globe & Mail finds a fascist in Ukraine - but he's Canadian

Every year on January 1st, Ukrainians gather in their thousands to celebrate the birthday of Stepan Bandera, the notorious Nazi collaborator and Ukrainian patriot whose followers murdered tens of thousands of Ukrainian Jews during the WWII. Every year the Israeli embassy doth protest, but it's always the same old come next January. When Putin announced the "Special Military Operation" intended to "denazify" Ukraine, the thought leaders at the Globe poured scorn on the idea that there could be such a thing as nazis in Ukraine. Pure fantasy, they proclaimed. How could there be facsists in a country that elected a Jewish president? Well, their own team of journos found a facsist in a pub in Kyiv. Was he goose-stepping around the joint sieg heiling the glory of Ukraine? No, he was ranting about his hatred for... Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau! Who can imagine such a thing? A Canadian sullying Ukraine's nazi-free reputation! We, and even moreso the Ukrainians, should be outraged. PM Fluffy obviously needs to do more to rein in Canadian fascists.

Canada's leading newspaper spreading Russian propaganda

If you’ve been following the Globe and Mail's coverage of the war in Ukraine, you’ll know that it’s mostly a non-stop stream of pro-Ukranian propaganda. Fascists in Ukraine? Nothing but Russian disinformation. Putin has been increasingly cornered and desperate since early March, when he first started running out of missiles. His army is poorly trained, under-equipped, and in disarray. At every turn, we are assured that just a few more months and a few billions more in weapons and every square inch of Ukraine will be free again. Today we get a report from Chief Internet Correspondent Mark MacKinnon, who has been on the ground at the front, and if not the “front” per se, then at least in a pub in Kyiv. There he encountered a “tattoo-covered Canadian fighter, who drunkenly gave several fascist salutes in the middle of a Kyiv pub while talking loudly about his hatred for Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.” Sounds like the guy they were looking for at the Ottawa trucker’s protest. He was in Ukraine all along! But seriously, Mark, it sounds like you’re parroting Putin’s talking points. Unless the only fascists in Ukraine are the Canadian volunteers. Later in the story, we meet another Canadian fighter, a CAF vet with combat experience in Afghanistan, who had this to say about his front line experience in Ukraine; “We don’t have air support here. We don’t have direct fire support. If I want to call in artillery here, I’m talking like in six or twelve hours I might get some artillery support.” Indeed. Pushing the Russians back for the past eight months without air cover or artillery support is a miracle of the highest order! Clearly, just a little more time and a few more billions in Western armaments, and Ukraine will be whole again!

The Coyote choir

As you know, I'm a guy who spends way too much time on the internet. Yessiree, I gotta check the CBC news and the CNN news and the Fox news, and then I head on over to the news NewsGuard doesn't approve. I'm tangled up bad in that world wide web. It can make your head spin. That's why I have to head out to the stoop for a breath of fresh air once in awhile. I was just out there. The coyotes are singing. I have a hunch they'll still be singing when we're long gone.

Welcome to WW 3

If you’re in the “Western World,” the “Free World,” or more simply just the American bloc, ie USA-EU-NATO plus the cling-ons, you know the score. The free world of liberal democracies is standing up against the autocrats who intend to upend the rule of law and the established world order. The cabal of freedom-denying tyrants seeks to subvert the natural order of the universe by declining to take direction from Washington. Hence, we now have a war in Ukraine, wherein that former nation-state agreed to be the sacrificial lamb in the struggle to preserve America’s freedom to write “the rules of law.” Our free press assures us daily the tyrant is taking a beating at the hands of the defenders of liberal democracy. Putin has been pushed back since February and a glorious victory for Ukraine is just around the next corner of another multi-billion aid package, courtesy of the taxpayers of like-minded democracies. In the meantime, after eight months of pushing Putin back, the lights are out across Ukraine. There’s no way a defeated Putin could have done that without… IRANIAN DRONES!! And that’s where our media masters manage to bring another rogue DC-denying nation into the picture. We’re not just fighting Putin, we’re fighting Iran too. Welcome to the foothills of WW 3. How much further humanity scales the adjacent peaks is going to depend a lot on we in the free world waking up. The Iranians are bemused and flattered that after 40+ years of relentless sanctioning by the American bloc, they are deemed capable of producing something Russia can’t produce itself. All those years wasted on hypersonic missile development, and what Russia really needed was gasoline powered drones with lawn-mower engines. Not likely, but that’s the tale our media spin us, just to keep us sympatico with the next hundred million for Ukraine. After all, it takes a lot of master-class bullshitting to convince the general public that’s a good investment of tax dollars. Every single country in that American bloc has extensive needs at home that are being denied because America demands they “stand with Ukraine.” The reality is that every issue that is being fought over now, was settled by the Minsk Accords eight years ago. It was Ukraine, at America’s prodding, that failed to implement that peace agreement. And here we are. If we in “The West” don’t wake up to the bullshit our governments and our “free press” have been hosing us with, WW 3 will be taking us to new heights soon.

First snowfall of the season at Falling Downs

I stepped out on the stoop for a breath of fresh air a moment ago, and sure enough... snow! Summer is over. I shoulda seen it coming. No action at the hummingbird feeder for a couple of weeks now. I saw a gaggle of Blue Herons heading south the other day. The flying "V" formations of Canada Geese are well on their way the Carolinas, there to befoul the beaches until next April. And I suddenly remembered I meant to get the snow-blower going over the summer... Thank God I've still got that snow shovel.

Gather round chillin and let Grampa tell ya a tale of what used to be

Gather round, children, and let Grampa tell you a tale of what used to be. In what used to be Canada’s industrial heartland, southern Ontario, folks who worked in factories used to own their own homes. Real homes, not condos. Places where you could have a garden. Not only could factory workers afford homes with yards, cars and the attached garage to park them in, but from the steel mills of Hamilton to the factories of Galt, Kitchener, and Guelph, you could find folks who held season tickets. Most often you’d have a group go in on a pair of seats. Everybody gets a few home games, and then you’d have to sort things out at play-off time. Mind you, that hasn’t been an issue pretty much since the early Ballard era. I’ve a hunch there’s no factory workers holding season tickets to the Leafs in 2022. In fact, when I tour the industrial areas of Guelph today, I notice many of the key factories have been repurposed. Instead of one employer with a thousand well-paying jobs, you've got two dozen start-ups paying minimum wage. Used to be, the work-force would head to the parking lot at quitting time. Now they head to the bus stop. As our standard of living goes down the shitter, let us take solace in the fact that our demise is good for the environment. Happy trails!

Why old people talk to their cats

I was just having a talk with Doublewide, trying to explain there wasn't enough dog drool in the water-bowl to merit a complete tip-and-refill. Not that I'm "old" yet, but I'm beginning to realize I'm getting there. Fast. The older I get, the more I find myself conversing with the cat. Sure, I've got the Farm Manager and the dog to talk to. And I do. And they care. But unless it's about a pressing issue like dog drool in the water-bowl, the cat could not be less concerned about your concerns.

We're about to gift Haiti another dose of "democracy and human rights"

Canada has been building democracy and freedom in Haiti for decades. We are so pumped to bring freedom and democracy to Haiti that we have twice connived in the removal of its democraticaly elected president. Yes, democracy works in mysterious ways. It's that old "destroy the village to save it" conundrum, and it crops up wherever the Nations of Virtue are attempting to spread democracy, human rights, capitalism, and freedom. Since the last time we overthrew their democracy, the Haitians have only grown more restive. Gangs have taken over. They are now threatening the rule of the illegitimate PM who orchestrated the assassination of the previous illegitimate PM. Those savages just can't figure it out! So now the gangs have taken over, and once again the US and Canada will have to move in to restore order. Canada has forwarded an advance shipment of armoured personnel carriers, much to the consternation of our Ukrainian ally, who figure they are entitled to first dibs on Canadian military hardware. Sorry, Mr. Zelensky. You may be fighting Putin, but in Haiti, they're fighting GANGS!

Woke for Peace

While I’ve enjoyed lampooning the idiocy implicit in wokery, I have to admit there might be an upside. The Toronto Star had an interview with General Wayne Eyre, top banana at the Canadian Armed Forces, in its Sunday paper. He was bemoaning the fact the CAF are short 10,000 uniformed personnel. In an attempt to make a CAF career more welcoming, he’s recently loosened up dress regs so the lads can wear skirts and makeup if the urge hits. In the interview, he extolls the CAF’s embrace of diversity, and can’t figure out why he can’t find 10,000 fresh recruits, kids who just want to obey orders. Dude, the folks who sign up for your diversity agenda aren’t likely to be keen on following orders! That would seem to be common sense, but you don’t see much of that at National Defence these days. A goodly slice of the civilian bureaucracy thinks the CAF’s top priorities should be rooting out systemic racism and misogyny. And while that’s commendable, it might not be quite the rallying point you’d want to base your esprit-de-corps on, at least if you’re expecting your military to give up their lives to defend the nation. As a life-long pacifist, I take comfort in the fact that our armed forces will soon consist of cross-dressers who don’t follow orders. I’m woke for peace!

More joys of getting older

Now that summer has given way to autumn, my perch on the stoop has given way to the couch in front of the fireplace. I have to negotiate my spot on the couch with Bruno Big-Lips, our Italian mastiff. "Ok Bruno, I'm so sorry, but please just scrunch over a teeny bit, please... pretty please." When I'm not negotiating with the dog, I'm apologizing to the cat. Doublewide mewls at me every time I walk through the kitchen. "I'm sorry love, what do you need? Treats? Fresh water? A belly rub? I'm so sorry..." When I was younger, my pets knew who was boss. Now I'm just an old fart, wandering about the house, apologizing to the pets, who are enjoying my "golden years" much more than I am.

Chrystia Freeland's brain farts don't add up to a "doctrine"

Deputy PM and Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland dropped by Brookings Institution the other day to share her thoughts on this perilous new world Putin ushered in with his “barbaric violation” of international norms last February. Brookings is the grand-daddy of US think-tanks, and very rich. In the course of her introductory remarks, acting Brookings President Amy Liu thanked Chrystia for funding from the Government of Canada. I was surprised to learn my tax dollars were going to a US think-tank cum PR outfit sitting on well over half a billion USD. Her talk was the predictable nothing-burger one expects from Chrystia. Lots of gratuitous trash talk aimed at “autocrats” generally and Putin in particular. Repeated shout-outs to the heroism of the Ukrainian people. And lots of Green Transition hot air, as any progressive pol must include in every speech these days Most of all, it was a pastiche of talking points out of the recycling bin of US propaganda. After the fall of the Berlin wall and the collapse of the Soviet Union, a “sunny season” embraced humanity. For thirty years we were fat and happy and pretty much the entire world was marching towards Liberal Democracy. Then, in the early hours of Feb. 24, Putin wrecked everything! Yup, in one fell swoop, Putin destroyed humanity’s sunny season and took the planet all the way back to the 19th century. Pretty much what you’d expect from our deputy PM, and what you’d expect a Brookings audience to applaud. None of these people pause to consider what that thirty years of sunshine looked like from the perspective of the global south. That thirty years of sunshine saw Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Somalia, Syria, and Yugoslavia destroyed by the freedom-and-democracy-loving Nations of Virtue. In every case we promised paradise but delivered destruction. Chrystia divided her cliches into “three pillars” of the way forward. We must strengthen our interdependence with fellow Liberal Democracies. Translation: cling ever more tightly to Uncle Sam’s skirts. We must remain welcoming to “undecided” nations. Sorry to break it to you, Chrystia, but if you care to look, there’s not a lot of those around. The vast majority of the Global South wants no part in this mission to save American hegemony. We must remain resolute in our determination to isolate and defeat tyranny, starting with Putin, and that means standing with Ukraine for as long as it takes. In a nutshell, the Freeland Doctrine is just more of the same old same old the rest of the world is beyond fed up with. That’s a far better summary of Chrystia’s visit to Brookings than you’ll find at CBC, another recipient of my tax dollars. The think-tank here at Falling Downs proposes that our government cease squandering tax revenues on vanity projects and put the money into addressing the many crises enveloping our society.

Why Canadians get Thanksgiving six weeks early

It’s Canadian Thanksgiving. Our American cousins have to wait another six weeks or so before they celebrate. They usually lard it up with lots of sporting “Thanksgiving traditions” as in this year’s NFL Thanksgiving Day triple-header on November 24. Oddly enough, that day is also the 9 month anniversary of Putin’s totally unprovoked and brutal invasion of Ukraine. We can be sure that half-time shows on NFL broadcasts on November 24 will regale us with reminders of Ukraine’s valorous resistance to Putin. A fly-by of F-35s in blue and yellow, perhaps? Which brings me to the distinction between Canadian and American Thanksgiving. The reason we Canadians give thanks six weeks sooner is we obviously have more to be thankful for. For example, unlike us, the Yanks are fated by destiny to be the LEADERS of something called the “free world.” How they can plausibly claim to lead such a thing when they have by a wide margin the highest rate of incarceration in the entire world, not just the “free” one, is a mystery to me. Fortunately, with the exception of a few over-wrought pundits at CBC and the Globe, nobody in Canada imagines we “lead” anything of consequence anywhere. Oh, the Lima Group, perhaps! Yup, that Random Guido episode was a real credit to our international profile! We also have our national public health care system to be thankful for. For all its flaws, the fact that our Covid mortality rate is one quarter that of our free market neighbors counts for something. Finally, let us not forget gun control. As a middle-aged guy with two ex-wives and a few near-misses, I’m thrilled that an angry person can’t just walk into Home Hardware and buy the tool that will blow my brains out. On this Canadian Thanksgiving, let’s celebrate the fact we’re not Americans.

Why white lives matter to Yeezy

Shouldn't be hard to figure out. The musician/artist/businessman/provocateur once known as Kanye West is a billionaire. Like all billionaires, he demands the very best in professional support staff. Accountants, tax lawyers, financial advisors, PR professionals, you name it. It takes a village to raise a billionaire. Tragically, those are all fields where white lives matter. They matter because systemic racism has kept Black people out of those professions. That's why white lives matter. Unfortunately for Yeezy, stating this obvious truth out loud has landed him in a whole heap 'o doo-doo. His Addidas partnership is under review. Oh my God, I better hustle to the mall and get me a pair of $800 Yeezy sneakers while there's still time! Some outraged wokeling writing in the New York Times informs me that no less an authority than the ADL has determined "white lives matter" is hate speech, so we all need to hate Yeezy now for uttering hate speech. I'm not convinced. I've got a better reason to hate Yeezy. Look up some footage from his Paris show and check out his actual fashions. That shit sucks! I don't think there's anything there that a self-respecting person would wear in public, unless they lost a bet or something. If you have to hate on Yeezy, hate him for his crimes against good taste.

OPEC blows Brandon a big fat raspberry

“Every ten years or so, the United States needs to pick up some small crappy little country and throw it against the wall, just to show the world we mean business." - Michael Ledeen, advisor to presidents and American thought leader That quote succinctly summarizes American hubris as experienced by much of the rest of the world over the past 150 years. To the surprise of nobody except the Americans, the rest of the world has noticed. That’s why Mr. Biden has had no luck convincing America’s “friends and allies” among oil producers to increase production. He’s facing mid-terms imminently, and the American electorate get right grumpy about $6/gallon gas no matter how many crappy little countries their military has thrown against the wall lately. The Saudis can’t help. The Mexicans can’t help. The UAE can’t help, even after that beauty peace deal young Kushner gifted them with Israel. The Venezuelans aren’t interested, even with the promise of sanctions relief. Maybe they recall how hard the Americans worked to throw them against the wall. In fact, pretty much the only country willing to ship more gas to the US is Canada, and we’re coming to the rescue as fast as we can. Just a few more decades to sort out those pesky Indigenous land claims, and then a few more to build the infrastructure, and we’ll be there with bells on! All of this because America convinced its EU allies to destroy the Russian economy by boycotting Russian oil. Less oil on the market - prices go up! Who knew? Until yesterday the Americans imagined they had enough clout with OPEC to coerce a production increase. Instead, the vile ingrates did the opposite of what Biden requested, scaling back production by 2 million bbls per day. Meanwhile, how is that Russian economic collapse shaping up? It’s starting to look like Russia may have more friends in the world than we imagined, and it’s the Americans who are increasingly isolated.

RIP John Goobie

My piano teacher passed. Dear Beth, Valerie, Vincent, and Pam; wishing you peace of heart, mind, and soul at this time. Sincerely, Dieter Neumann

Zelensky; the kind of leader who doesn't wince at the rattle of a machine-gun

What a Churchill! None other than Alan Dershowitz nominated him for the Nobel PP. But then Al had to go write an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal calling out the Z-man for his claims that the Ukrainian nation "saved Jews" during the Holocaust. Ya, Zelensky was a comedian before he was a Churchill. How about that Dershowitz, eh? I'd thought he'd lowered his standards when he joined the Trump defence team, but I just took a gander at his Wikipedia page, and the guy's been defending world-class shit-bags his entire career! Everybody from Leona Helmsley to OJ Simpson! And he's pretty good at it too! But I digress. Suffice it to say, if Zelensky wins this war, the Dersh-man will be on Putin's defence team at the war crimes trials. If Putin wins this war. the Dersh-o-nator will be on Zelensky's defense team at the war crimes trials. Either way. he's gonna be in the headlines for years to come. So who is winning this war? Zelensky has been pushing the Russians back since February. Putin is losing so bad he just held bogus referendums and annexed 100,000 sq. km. of Ukraine. But the forces of GOOD are forcing the bad guys back all over the place. With just a few more months and a few more billions in weapons, victory is assured! Weapons weapons weapons!!! Billions billions billions!!! Sure glad I bought into that Carlyle Group Defence Portfolio when I did!

Outrage as Iranian woman dies in police custody

Canadians have taken to the streets in their tens of thousands, demanding accountability from the Iranian government over the death of Mahsa Amini. PM Trudeau and FM Joly have called for regime change in Tehran, because it is utterly unacceptable that in this day and age a woman can be taken into custody and just turn up dead. These are sure to be the biggest protests in Canada since tens of thousands took to the streets demanding justice for Amanda Bolt, Debra Chrisjohn, Tamara Lucier, or Celine Samuel. Oh wait… those women died in police custody in Canada. No protests then… my bad! Turns out women die in police custody with predictable regularity in Canada. The latest just made the news yesterday. Where is the outrage? Where are the demos? Where are the politicians clamoring for regime change and sanctions? We’re quite the sanctimonious lot, we Canadians.