Showing posts with label BigAss Chair Company. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BigAss Chair Company. Show all posts
Friday, February 16, 2024
The Heart of Darkness
As the astute reader will have realized long ago, the Farm Manager manages much more than the farm around here.
She micro-manages virtually every aspect of my existence.
Not that I'm complaining. In fact, I've never been happier!
And sometimes her managing manages to birth a great concept for a business venture.
Hence the Hearts of Darkness Chocolate Company. That's a concept that has "home run" written all over it. It'll join our stable of start-ups that include the Stinkfoot Cheese Company and the BigAss Chair Company.
Yessirree, this commie is embracing capitalism big time!
It all started with a story she read me about the health benefits of dark chocolate. Due to considerations of age and lifestyle I'm a proud member of that cohort that can be reasonably expected to drop dead at any moment from a catastrophic cardiac event.
Ya, who knows, this could be the last blog post I ever wr... aarrrgggghhh.............. oh shit I can't breathe... call 911!..
Just kidding.
Anyway, she says guys my age can benefit big time from regular doses of dark chocolate. I don't have a problem with that. In fact I don't mind dark chocolate one bit. All things considered I'm more partial to white chocolate, but WTF, I like life, and I've never heard anything about the power of white chocolate stretching out my time in this mortal coil.
The problem, I think, is getting guys my age into the typical chocolates emporium to buy their life-saving dark chocolates. While we occasionally darken the doorways of such establishments when we have the good fortune of remembering a birthday or an anniversary or the fact that Feb 14 is more than just another day in February, we're otherwise disinclined to frequent these places.
It's just not that cool, and what guy goes to a fancy chocolate shop to buy himself chocolates?
That's where a bit of marketing savvy comes in, and after "Stinkfoot" and "BigAss" you'll have to admit that I'm up there with the heavy hitters of marketing. Welding was absolutely the wrong career choice for me, a decision that should haunt my grade 9 guidance counsellor to this day.
So Heart of Darkness Chocolate Company is going to partner up with the Snap-On folks. Yup, you can buy your life-saving dark chocolates right off the Snap-On truck when Buddy rolls round to sell you your next $150 screwdriver.
We're thinking of a NASCAR sponsorship too, especially if we can convince Mark Martin to hang around another year or two. Our people are talking to his people even as I write this.
I think we got us a winner! Look out Mill Creek!
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Hearts of Darkness
As the astute reader will have realized long ago, the Farm Manager manages much more than the farm around here.
She micro-manages virtually every aspect of my existence.
Not that I'm complaining. In fact, I've never been happier.
And sometimes her managing manages to birth a great concept for a business venture.
Hence the Hearts of Darkness Chocolate Company. That's a concept that has "home run" written all over it. It'll join our stable of start-ups that include the Stinkfoot Cheese Company and the BigAss Chair Company.
Yessirree, this commie is embracing capitalism big time!
It all started with a story she read me about the health benefits of dark chocolate. Due to considerations of age and lifestyle I'm a proud member of that cohort that can be reasonably expected to drop dead at any moment from a catastrophic cardiac event.
Ya, who knows, this could be the last blog post I ever wr... aarrrgggghhh.............. oh shit I can't breathe... call 911!..
Just kidding.
Anyway, she says guys my age can benefit big time from regular doses of dark chocolate. I don't have a problem with that. In fact I don't mind dark chocolate one bit. All things considered I'm more partial to white chocolate, but WTF, I like life, and I've never heard anything about the power of white chocolate stretching out my time in this mortal coil.
The problem, I think, is getting guys my age into the typical chocolates emporium to buy their life-saving dark chocolates. While we occasionally darken the doorways of such establishments when we have the good fortune of remembering a birthday or an anniversary or the fact that Feb 14 is more than just another day in February, we're otherwise disinclined to frequent these places.
It's just not that cool, and what guy goes to a fancy chocolate shop to buy himself chocolates?
That's where a bit of marketing savvy comes in, and after "Stinkfoot" and "BigAss" you'll have to admit that I'm up there with the heavy hitters of marketing. Welding was absolutely the wrong career choice for me, a decision that should haunt my grade 9 guidance counsellor to this day.
So Heart of Darkness Chocolate Company is going to partner up with the Snap-On folks. Yup, you can buy your life-saving dark chocolates right off the Snap-On truck when Buddy rolls round to sell you your next $150 screwdriver.
We're thinking of a NASCAR sponsorship too, especially if we can convince Mark Martin to hang around another year or two. Our people are talking to his people even as I write this.
I think we got us a winner!
She micro-manages virtually every aspect of my existence.
Not that I'm complaining. In fact, I've never been happier.
And sometimes her managing manages to birth a great concept for a business venture.
Hence the Hearts of Darkness Chocolate Company. That's a concept that has "home run" written all over it. It'll join our stable of start-ups that include the Stinkfoot Cheese Company and the BigAss Chair Company.
Yessirree, this commie is embracing capitalism big time!
It all started with a story she read me about the health benefits of dark chocolate. Due to considerations of age and lifestyle I'm a proud member of that cohort that can be reasonably expected to drop dead at any moment from a catastrophic cardiac event.
Ya, who knows, this could be the last blog post I ever wr... aarrrgggghhh.............. oh shit I can't breathe... call 911!..
Just kidding.
Anyway, she says guys my age can benefit big time from regular doses of dark chocolate. I don't have a problem with that. In fact I don't mind dark chocolate one bit. All things considered I'm more partial to white chocolate, but WTF, I like life, and I've never heard anything about the power of white chocolate stretching out my time in this mortal coil.
The problem, I think, is getting guys my age into the typical chocolates emporium to buy their life-saving dark chocolates. While we occasionally darken the doorways of such establishments when we have the good fortune of remembering a birthday or an anniversary or the fact that Feb 14 is more than just another day in February, we're otherwise disinclined to frequent these places.
It's just not that cool, and what guy goes to a fancy chocolate shop to buy himself chocolates?
That's where a bit of marketing savvy comes in, and after "Stinkfoot" and "BigAss" you'll have to admit that I'm up there with the heavy hitters of marketing. Welding was absolutely the wrong career choice for me, a decision that should haunt my grade 9 guidance counsellor to this day.
So Heart of Darkness Chocolate Company is going to partner up with the Snap-On folks. Yup, you can buy your life-saving dark chocolates right off the Snap-On truck when Buddy rolls round to sell you your next $150 screwdriver.
We're thinking of a NASCAR sponsorship too, especially if we can convince Mark Martin to hang around another year or two. Our people are talking to his people even as I write this.
I think we got us a winner!
Friday, January 24, 2014
Welcome to the Blaze 'o Glory Crematory
That's got a ring of truth about it, don't it?
The "Blaze 'o Glory Crematory".
That's where we burn your remains to a crisp and hand them back to your relatives in an urn, for a paltry 10% of the price of a conventional funeral. I've got a team of consultants doing focus groups right now.
We're hoping to get some traction for a first tranche of investment money in the near future. We'll be looking for a mere five millions or so. Then we plan to franchise. After that, we could be looking at an IPO in a couple of years.
I'll have to wait for the final report on those focus groups, but I think we got us a winner here. People just keep a dying, but fewer and fewer can afford the cost of a conventional funeral. I personally don't see the need for focus groups. Then again, you have to have some research to shear investors from their investment dollars these days.
One of the strengths of this concept is the shere honesty of the brand. "Blaze 'o Glory." What better way to say what you want to say without saying too much!
It's in the tradition of the BigAss Chair Company. Tell it like it is and the masses will reward you for your honesty.
There's really nothing new in that. Look around at how many nursing homes have the word "Gateway" in their name. Gateway to what, I wonder? Why, gateway to the Blaze 'o Glory!
Just doing a random Google search, I found "Gateway" nursing homes in New Jersey, Ohio, Oregon, Ontario, and North Carolina, and that was just in the first two pages of results.
Clearly we're onto something here.
The "Blaze 'o Glory Crematory".
That's where we burn your remains to a crisp and hand them back to your relatives in an urn, for a paltry 10% of the price of a conventional funeral. I've got a team of consultants doing focus groups right now.
We're hoping to get some traction for a first tranche of investment money in the near future. We'll be looking for a mere five millions or so. Then we plan to franchise. After that, we could be looking at an IPO in a couple of years.
I'll have to wait for the final report on those focus groups, but I think we got us a winner here. People just keep a dying, but fewer and fewer can afford the cost of a conventional funeral. I personally don't see the need for focus groups. Then again, you have to have some research to shear investors from their investment dollars these days.
One of the strengths of this concept is the shere honesty of the brand. "Blaze 'o Glory." What better way to say what you want to say without saying too much!
It's in the tradition of the BigAss Chair Company. Tell it like it is and the masses will reward you for your honesty.
There's really nothing new in that. Look around at how many nursing homes have the word "Gateway" in their name. Gateway to what, I wonder? Why, gateway to the Blaze 'o Glory!
Just doing a random Google search, I found "Gateway" nursing homes in New Jersey, Ohio, Oregon, Ontario, and North Carolina, and that was just in the first two pages of results.
Clearly we're onto something here.
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