God smites Israelites with apocalyptic blizzard

Obviously the Almighty has been mightily displeased with the shenannigans of His people over there in the Holy Land.

Jerusalem is bracing for up to two feet of snow over the weekend, which would effectively paralyze the city. Speculation is rife that His real target is the Knesset, whose denizens offered up a too-little too-late sop by shelving the controversial Prawer Plan as the snow began to blow.

Religious authorities expect that it may take further concessions from the hardliners before the Almighty is placated. Said Rabbi Moshe Hirsch of the Neturei Karta faction, "we have been warning for 65 years that the people have made a grievous error, and does anyone listen? No!... and finally it comes to this!"

Big Steve sings for his supper

PM Harper sang for his supper in front of an admiring crowd at a Jewish National Fund gala in Toronto today.

Israel's ambassador to Canada announced that Israelis admire Harper's integrity, and are naming a bird sanctuary in his honour, causing the Canadian leader to burst into song.

Harper also used the occasion to announce his first ever visit to the Holy Land. This comes at a fortuitous time, as Israel is grappling with recalcitrant natives in the Negev who are getting all fussy about being herded into reservations. Mr. Harper's experience in dealing with recalcitrant natives will no doubt be welcomed.