Random insights from the stoop

Did you see where our FM Joly made a surprise kissy-face visit to China? All of a sudden we’re trying to forge better relations? Looks to me like the commies aren’t content to meddle in our politics at the local constituency level; no, they’re trying to manipulate the upper echelon of the Liberal Party! How does that jibe with the gird-your-loins-for-war-with-China mantra that’s been coming out of Official Ottawa for about the last ten years? It doesn’t! That’s just one of the many puzzles I try to puzzle out as I while away the hours on the stoop. It was a good day for watching the buzzards soar. Just the right combination of sunshine and breeze that these amazing creatures could literally soar for hours without flapping their wings. The Zen of buzzard watching. Last night I watched the closing ceremonies of the RNC convention in Milwaukee. That’s when they bring out the heavy hitters. Kid Rock. Dana White. Hulk Hogan. The Orange Ogre himself for the grand finale. The entire spectacle proved yet again my theory that the more remote actual democracy becomes, the greater the importance of Democracy Theatre! And next week will provide a bonanza of food for thought; the Greatest Leader since Moses will arrive in Washington to address the US congress, where he will be treated to multiple standing ovations. That’s hilarious, considering everybody from the far right to the far left hates his guts in Israel. Democracy is a bitch! But I digress… back to the stoop. Once in awhile there’s some traffic passing by. Sometimes it’s a $750,000 John Deere towing another half-million combo of seed-drill and chemical tanks. The big cash-croppers like to bathe their crops in chemicals from seeding to harvest. What freaks me out is how often the kid piloting that train is looking at his cellphone. Other times it just the local youngsters, driving solo to their jobs at the stone quarries in their V8 pickup trucks. You’d think they’d at least car pool. Here’s another mystery. Why do some people who ride Harleys insist on having loud stereos? I’ve always loved the Harley sound. It’s music in its own right. Tonight a guy comes roaring along with CCR blasting so loud coming around the bend I heard John Fogarty before I heard the bike! That’s just not right! Some things just shouldn’t go together. I like getting mellow with a doobie and a beer. I like scenic drives in the countryside. But putting them together wrecks both experiences… and possibly wrecks your car too. So, keep life simple, is my advice. Count your blessings, not your grievances.

World-class wannabe delivers world-class dose of food poisoning

Folks in Toronto are so stunned they elected a right-wing dickhead as mayor because he campaigned on the age-old ploy of promising to cut wasteful spending.

What that meant in practice was privatizing trash pickup; what used to be a $45 thousand a year job has been privatized into a $25 thousand a year job - this in a city where the average house price is well north of half a million.

The world class wannabees are getting a double-dose of class today. None other than former world-class professional wrestler Hulk Hogan favoured the city with a visit!

Not only that, but he did a PR turn with the mayor by challenging him to an arm wrestle! Is that world class or what?

But... not only that, THE MAYOR WON!!!

OH YA WE'RE TALKIN' WORLD CLASS NOW BABY!

That should put to rest the vile crack video innuendo that's been dogging His Worship for months.

Sadly, news of the mayor's victory was eclipsed by the news that over 150 people have been felled by food poisoning after visiting one of the world's greatest open-air harvest festivals, the CNE.

Apparently what did them in was the "cronutburger",  an invention that was to put Toronto on the culinary map once and for all.

That's how it goes in Toronto's neverending struggle to make the "A" list of world class cities... every once in awhile a step forward, but then, regrettably, a step back.