Tony Blair to save Europe

While the triumph of the so-called far right in last week's elections for the European Parliament has unleashed a lot of hand-wringing, Tony Blair has kept his cool and volunteered to save Europe from its disgruntled crypto-fascists.

Tony doesn't get that what they're disgruntled about the most is that for too long Europe has been in the hands of professional political careerists just like him. Any role for Tony in EU politics will galvanize anti-EU sentiment throughout Europe.

That aside, one wonders why Tony would step up to the plate for such an onerous assignment. After all, his daily planner must be pretty much full, what with his unofficial role as God's spokesperson, and his official roles as special adviser to JP Morgan and UN special envoy to the Middle East.

Each of these ventures has been an unqualified success; God has held off on the rapture, nobody at JP Morgan has gone to prison, and the two-state solution remains but a distant mirage. Obviously, this is the right man to save Europe!

Presidency of the EU would also stall those pesky activists who have been lobbying for Tony to be tried before the ICC for war crimes.

Phony Tony doubles down on Iraq legacy

That would be the legacy of half-truths and misrepresentations and outright lies that fell from Tony's lips as he maneuvered his country into the Iraq disaster.

But ten years on, Tony wants the world to believe it was all worth it.

And he's got one snappy line of reasoning to support his view, a view that most of his henchmen back in the day have long abandoned, by the way.

It goes like this; no matter how atrocious the consequences to Britain, to America, and especially to Iraq, the war was worth it because imagine how much worse everything would be if we'd left Saddam in power.

For instance, if we'd left Saddam in place, and Arab Spring swept into Iraq like it has into Syria et al., just imagine the bloodbath that would have happened!

So it's a good thing we destroyed the country when we did, because otherwise it might have destroyed itself eventually, and God only knows what a horror show that might have been...

It's worth keeping in mind that Mr. Blair is reaping millions in speaker's fees and consultancy fees to promote his unique brand of imbecilic arrogance.

He is even a self-appointed spokesman for God Himself in the debate with non-believers (for a heavenly fee of course!).

If God needs friends like Tony Blair, He doesn't need the likes of me...

God's man at JP Morgan fixes Glencore-Xstrata deal

Five years from now when the financial press is doing the post-mortem on the biggest bankruptcy in the history of mining, they will recall that this deal almost didn't fly.

Then, like in a scene from The Godfather, Big "Tony the Weasel" Blair was sent in to knock some heads together.

Hey, he's not called God's man for nothing.