Microphones accidentally pick up Netanyahu comments at G20

A technical gaffe at the G20 summit last week resulted in some undiplomatic comments by Benyamin Netanyahu being overheard by the press corps. Although all present were required to pledge an oath of secrecy the story has been leaked by some outraged French journalists.

Canadian PM Steven Harper remains the only G20 leader on speaking terms with Netanyahu, so the two spent quite a lot of time chit-chatting. Here is a transcript of their conversation.

BN: That Sarkozy, he is a midget. He wears elevators in his shoes.

SH: Heh heh, good one Bibi!

BN: And that Merkel, what is the matter with her? Needs a good you-know-what if

       you ask me…

SH: No doubt, Bibi!

BN: Now that Silvio, he is a man’s man, eh?

SH: A man’s man Bibi… still with the bunga bunga at his age!

BN: And Obama... A black man in the White house! And he wants to lecture me?

SH:  For shame, Bibi, for shame...

Pending IAEA report on Iran's nuclear program has more leaks than the Hindenburg

It won't be released for a few days yet but the latest IAEA report on Iran's nuclear program is already the second biggest news story in the world, right behind the Euro-crisis.

Apparently everybody knows what's in it. Those perfidious Persians have been way up to no good. They've drawn up some nuclear war-heads on a computer! And they built a steel container, which may or may not have something to do with their nuclear program.

I was drawing up some nuclear warheads on this very computer just ten minutes ago. There's a couple of steel containers too, left behind by the previous owners. But I'm not a member of the IAEA and so I suppose that's alright. Then again, all the countries that have nuclear weapons are members of the IAEA, so there must be something else at work. Why are they allowed to build nuclear weapons but the Iranians aren't?

Condi Rice was on the TV today trying to explain it. Seems the reason that Iran can't have nukes but Russia and China and France, India and the US, Britain and Israel and Pakistan can is simple: Iranians are bad people!

They have no legitimacy, she informed us. Back in the good old days, when the Shah of Iran was running the place, they had legitimacy. They were good guys then. Never mind that the Shah ran a ruthless dictatorship. Never mind that we had to topple a democratically elected prime minister to put our boy in place. Torture, imprisonment without trial, summary execution, all business as usual for Iran under the Shah. Spent most of his country's oil wealth buying weapons from us. For the next twenty-five years our Persian pals were good guys.

The Iranian people hated the leader we had chosen for them, and finally put the run to the Shah during their revolution of '79. Persian spring I guess you could call it. Suddenly they're bad guys again, and remain so to this day.

The Iranian leadership claims their nuclear program is for peaceful purposes. Of course it is! That's what the Indians and the Pakistanis said when we were ladling nuclear technology their way. And the Israelis too. Everybody had a peaceful nuclear program until one day, SURPRISE! LOOK WHAT WE'VE GOT!!!

One of the arguments against Iran having nuclear weapons is that the place is run by religious fanatics. Let's think that through. George W used to talk to Jesus all the time when he had his finger on the trigger of the worlds' largest nuclear arsenal. Jesus has been either dead or back in heaven for two thousand years, so Bush's chats with him smack a little of fanaticism.

Netanyahu can't make peace with the Palestinians because four thousand years ago God promised his people the whole pie. As much as he aches to make peace he can't go against the will of God. That smacks a little of fanaticism too.

So no matter what's in that IAEA report this week, it's bound to ramp up the clamor for immediate action from the let's bomb Iran crowd. Bad enough that the Pakis weaseled their way into the nuclear club. Do we really want another Islamic country with nuclear weapons?

Like Condi says, they're bad people. The forces of virtue will be forced to take action.

Helpful Herb drops a tree

Went to Helpful Herb's ranch the other day to help him fell a tree. Truth be told, I was there for selfish reasons. I need firewood.

The firewood gathering here at Falling Downs has been going reasonably well. As of now I think we're good well into February. Got a few dead elms in the back bush that might carry me through to the spring, but I get the call from Herb and I figure, ya, I can do a good turn and come away from it with a truck load of wood to boot.

So he's got this big old half-dead maple in behind his barn, and he wants to cut 'er down before it falls down, damaging his barn, which is more of a house than a barn. When he built the main house he had this place done a couple hundred feet away, set up like a raised bungalow, plumbing all roughed in, four car garage on the upper level, 40 by 40 foot "storage" down below. Don't know what he was thinking.

That's the thing with Herb. You're never sure what he was thinking. I suspect he's seldom sure himself. Meanwhile, the lower half became a chicken house and also a cow pen. Chickens and cows are part of his deal from the shtettl days. Actually back then they prefered pigs to cows, reason being that cows generally had one calf. Pigs had a dog-type litter. Could be six. Could be eight. Could be twelve. So when the Party guy came round to fetch all your piglets and calves for the greater good, you could offer him six piglets and keep back a few for yourself. Didn't work that way with the calves.

Herb's come a long way in his eighty years. From shithole shtettl in Poland to expansive ranch overlooking the city here in the new land. But the old attitudes never die. There must be twenty tree-service outfits in the yellow pages, but Herb's gonna take care of this himself. Not sure why he called me. Mrs. Herb was out and about and I suspect at the back of his mind he wanted to make sure there was somebody around to dial 911 should the need arise. He sure didn't want me having the glory of taking down the tree.

That was his province. The tree in question stood at the back of the barn. Main trunk went up about 25 feet, just above the roof, and then branched out in all directions. Herb has the idea that he wants to top the tree first and then bring the trunk down.

I make it  a point never to argue with Herb. These old guys know everything, and always have. Don't really appreciate being second guessed. So he leans the longest extension ladder I've ever seen up against the tree. He can stand about four rungs from the top and get those branches. Fires up his Husqvarna. Heads up the ladder, burbling Husky in one hand, other hand moving up a rung at a time. About fifteen feet up the Husqvarna stalls out.

He's fifteen feet in the air on an aluminum extension ladder pulling the cord on a chainsaw. I'm holding the ladder, hoping he doesn't drop the saw, which would be bad enough, or fall off the ladder, saw and all, which could be worse. It's at this point I decide, in spite of my better judgement, to make a suggestion.

"Hey, why don't you just drop the tree and we'll cut the branches off after?"

The old bastard just ignores me. Pulls on that cord a few more times. Nothing.

Comes back down. Fiddles with the saw. Vrooom! It's idling nice now. Gets a length of baler twine. Fashions a little sling. Loops the saw over his shoulder and heads back up the ladder. Saw idles nice all the way to the top of the ladder. He's up there about 25 feet. Brings the saw around. Hits the trigger and the damned thing stalls once again.

He's 25 feet up in the air, no hands on the ladder, trying to get the Husky started again. The ladder is wobbling with every cord pull. "Hey Herb, why don't you just cut the tree down here and we'll take care of those branches later?"

Ignores me again. Forth or fifth pull the Husky comes to life. He raises the saw and goes for his first cut. Saw is almost through the branch, the branch is coming back his way... he ducks, drops the saw, which just misses me. The branch is just hanging there. I hear him muttering. He's sizing up the situation.

Mutters all the way down the ladder.

Gets to the ground and looks at the saw. Looks up at the tree. Looks at me.

"You know," he says in that east European accent, "maybe I'll cut the tree first and cut the branches after".

War cheerleaders cheer for new Israel-USA military exercises

The desk warriors at the Washington Institute for Near East Policy gave Andrew Shapiro a rousing ovation yesterday when he announced the biggest ever joint Israel-NATO-USA war games for next year.

The games will combine the traditional operation "Juniper Cobra" held with the IDF with operation "Austere Challenge" held with the NATO allies. No word yet on the official name for the exercises, although both Austere Cobra and Juniper Challenge are reportedly under consideration, with the former considered a slight favorite due to the fact that Juniper Challenge sounds too much like a reality show for arborists.

Shapiro, Assistant Secretary for Political-Military Affairs, made the announcement as tensions in the middle east continue to ratchet up. The odds are even that a joint NATO-IDF-USA attack on Iran is coming sooner or later. The fact that this exercise isn't happening till next year might be a sign that it's still a little early to load up your investment portfolio with those oil futures options.

Over the past ten years we've lost Iraq (pop. 30 million) and Afghanistan (pop. 30 million). Stands to reason then that we should work our magic on Iran (pop. 78 million), which shares a common border with those dastardly back-stabbing towel-heads who already have nuclear weapons (pop. 187 million).

As idiotic as this scenario sounds, the desk warriors at the Institute for Near East Policy are all over it.

Free in Libya; from flat-screens to cars to houses, it's all free; just grab a gun and help yourself

The Daily Telegraph's man in Tripoli reports that Libya is witnessing the greatest orgy of looting since the Watts riots. From furniture to cars to weapons to houses, the men with guns are helping themselves.

And there are lots of men with lots of guns. The country is awash in guns. If Gaddafi didn't arm them NATO did. In many cases Gaddafi gave them guns and then NATO gave them more. It's a wet dream come true for the NRA types. And now that the big dog is down it's a free-for-all.

Nothing says "bargaining power" like an MP7 slung over your shoulder when you walk into the jewelry store. Or the electronics store. Or the Mercedes dealership. And our NATO rebels are shopping while the shopping's good.

According to the Telegraph there is no sign that the stooges NATO has installed at the top of the supposed transitional government are in any rush to end the chaos. And why would they? They have bigger fish to fry, after all.

They've got their eyes on the hundred of billions in the Libyan treasury that they're planning to loot with the connivance of their new-found pals at the World Bank.

Sporting word stunned at shocking allegation: Tiger Woods is black

Tiger’s former caddy Steve Williams has got himself into the rough as it were.  Claimed at a sports banquet in Shanghia the other day that his former boss was a “black” arsehole.

Tiger Woods is black? Who knew?

The sporting world is agog. Writing in The Guardian, Lawrence Denegan claims the comment “shames the world of golf”. That’s just a small taste of the umbrage being taken by golf writers around the world.

Overwhelmingly a white man’s game, the sport has enough on its plate without some reckless and embittered former insider claiming that the greatest golfer of all time is black. Dwindling fan interest, fleeing sponsors, declining television revenues; these are challenging times for the greatest game you can play while puffing on a ciggy and sipping a beer, although horseshoes has to place a close second.

Denegan claims that Williams is “socially gauche”. Not sure what that means but I have a hunch he’d make good dinner company here at Falling Downs. We’ve got a nice links just five minutes down the way if he has the time. Meanwhile he’s given the game its biggest headlines since Elin wacked Woods off the noggin with that sand wedge.

Nice work Williams. By the way, how do you feel about John Daly’s pants?

The Black Bloc formula

Keep this in mind the next time you're in a peaceful demo and five guys in masks start throwing pave-stones through bank windows.

The leader of the five guys is invariably a undercover cop. This holds true whether you're in Athens or Turin or Oakland or Toronto. Of the other four, at least three are police informants. The last guy may or may not be a teenage radical caught up in the euphoria of the moment. He's the one who will be facing criminal charges.

Black Bloc?

Give me a break...