It won't be released for a few days yet but the latest IAEA report on Iran's nuclear program is already the second biggest news story in the world, right behind the Euro-crisis.
Apparently everybody knows what's in it. Those perfidious Persians have been way up to no good. They've drawn up some nuclear war-heads on a computer! And they built a steel container, which may or may not have something to do with their nuclear program.
I was drawing up some nuclear warheads on this very computer just ten minutes ago. There's a couple of steel containers too, left behind by the previous owners. But I'm not a member of the IAEA and so I suppose that's alright. Then again, all the countries that have nuclear weapons are members of the IAEA, so there must be something else at work. Why are they allowed to build nuclear weapons but the Iranians aren't?
Condi Rice was on the TV today trying to explain it. Seems the reason that Iran can't have nukes but Russia and China and France, India and the US, Britain and Israel and Pakistan can is simple: Iranians are bad people!
They have no legitimacy, she informed us. Back in the good old days, when the Shah of Iran was running the place, they had legitimacy. They were good guys then. Never mind that the Shah ran a ruthless dictatorship. Never mind that we had to topple a democratically elected prime minister to put our boy in place. Torture, imprisonment without trial, summary execution, all business as usual for Iran under the Shah. Spent most of his country's oil wealth buying weapons from us. For the next twenty-five years our Persian pals were good guys.
The Iranian people hated the leader we had chosen for them, and finally put the run to the Shah during their revolution of '79. Persian spring I guess you could call it. Suddenly they're bad guys again, and remain so to this day.
The Iranian leadership claims their nuclear program is for peaceful purposes. Of course it is! That's what the Indians and the Pakistanis said when we were ladling nuclear technology their way. And the Israelis too. Everybody had a peaceful nuclear program until one day, SURPRISE! LOOK WHAT WE'VE GOT!!!
One of the arguments against Iran having nuclear weapons is that the place is run by religious fanatics. Let's think that through. George W used to talk to Jesus all the time when he had his finger on the trigger of the worlds' largest nuclear arsenal. Jesus has been either dead or back in heaven for two thousand years, so Bush's chats with him smack a little of fanaticism.
Netanyahu can't make peace with the Palestinians because four thousand years ago God promised his people the whole pie. As much as he aches to make peace he can't go against the will of God. That smacks a little of fanaticism too.
So no matter what's in that IAEA report this week, it's bound to ramp up the clamor for immediate action from the let's bomb Iran crowd. Bad enough that the Pakis weaseled their way into the nuclear club. Do we really want another Islamic country with nuclear weapons?
Like Condi says, they're bad people. The forces of virtue will be forced to take action.
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