How to fake a pandemic in four easy steps

Disclaimer: This article is strictly hypothetical. I am in no way claiming that the current pandemic has been faked. I am merely suggesting that in the event that party(s) unknown were inclined to do such a thing, these might be some useful strategies.

Step One: Crank up the hype. The hype was being cranked unbelievably back in January. Yup, a deadly killer virus was on the move. Oh my God, it'll be the worst thing ever! Even then we were being regaled with comparisons to the Great Flu Pandemic of 1918-1920. Canada enjoyed three more months of over-the-top hype before suffering a single covid death.

Step Two: Create a definition of a new disease  that is so broad, so diverse, so inclusive, that virtually any symptom under the sun qualifies as a symptom of the new deadly disease. Runny nose? Could be the virus. Sore throat? Could be the virus. Headache? Could be the virus. Muscle cramps? Cough? Sneezing? Aching joints? Could be the virus.

Step Three: Once you have defined the scary new disease, come up with a test to detect its presence. Ideally, you should have a test that will be as generous in the detection as you were in defining the symptoms. If, perchance, your test detects a cold you had last year and calls it covid, well, better to err on the side of bigger numbers. Remember, we're just idly speculating about hypothetical people wanting to panic the populace with a fake virus. 

Step Four: Pump up the jam! Numbers numbers numbers! Cases cases cases! Never confuse the public by publishing test numbers anywhere they're easy to find. Otherwise folks might get wise to the fact that whenever there's a new RECORD COVID CASES headline, there was also a record number of tests done that day that never made it into the news.

That should pretty much get your "pandemic" off the ground! How long you can keep it aloft is up to you. If you're part of that exceptionally privileged cohort who happen to own the world's information infrastructure, you can probably milk it for a good long while.

What you do with that opportunity is up to you.