In yesterday's Globe and Mail business section, "retailing reporter" Marina Strauss offers yet another it's-all-over-but-the-crying insight into the slow and painful death of Sears Canada. This paragraph caught my eye;
Sears's insolvency came after years of declines and red ink at the retailer amid shifting strategies and leaders. At the same time, its major U.S. shareholder – hedge fund manager Edward Lampert – profited from Sears Canada's asset sales over the years in the form of generous dividends while leaving relatively little money to invest in the chain.
That's the only mention of Edward Lampert. So he arranged for some generous dividends for himself, did he? Just how generous were they? Don't the folks at the Globe and Mail think that might be a relevant bit of info? I'd sure like to know!
This seems like an unfortunate oversight from an outfit that never tires of reminding us how great their professionally trained journalists are, how they speak truth to power, and blah blah blah... Anyway, since Marina won't tell me, I decided to look it up for myself.
According to dividendchannel.com, in the ten years before Sears Canada fell into the clutches of Ed Lampert, the company paid a modest dividend of .24 per share per year. That's $2.40 over ten years. Then our brilliant American hedgie gets his hands on the wheel, and the good times get a-rollin'!
First thing over the side is the Sears Canada credit card unit. That was considered the most valuable part of the company according to news stories of the day. It fetched almost three billions at auction! At that point, the company could have chosen to reinvest in the business, but who are we kidding!? That's not generally the business model that hedge funds pursue, so instead, within months of Lampert's arrival, there's a special dividend of $18.64 per share to spread the loot to the shareholders, especially himself!
That's about 750% more paid out in the first year of King Eddie's reign than was paid out in the previous ten years combined!
Is this guy a genius or what!
And the special dividend gravy train had barely left the station. There followed special dividends totaling $7.00/share in 2010, another 100 million out the door in 2012, and yet another ten bucks/share in 2013!
The company that paid out a dividend of twenty-four cents/share per year before Eddie, paid out an average of $4.50/share/year over the first eight years after Eddie.
Or putting it another way, over ten years before Eddie, the then profitable company paid out about a quarter of a billion dollars in dividends. In the ten years after Eddie, the now money-losing company paid out close to four billion dollars in dividends. And as the biggest shareholder, Eddie Lampert was the biggest beneficiary of these "special" dividends!
Ain't that special!
So now the game is over. Sixteen thousand employees have an opportunity to find more meaningful work, and who needs a pension anyway?...
But that's a small price to pay for this great system that brings so much prosperity to all of us.
More to some than to others.
Showing posts with label hedge funds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hedge funds. Show all posts
Sunday, October 15, 2017
Friday, September 4, 2015
Why are the words hedge, fund, manager, shit, and bag so often found in the same sentence?
I don't know either.
But I'm wondering; is shitbag really two words?
Shit bag?
Or is it just one word.
Shitbag.
But I'm wondering; is shitbag really two words?
Shit bag?
Or is it just one word.
Shitbag.
Monday, August 24, 2015
Why Trump's "attack" on hedge funds was nothing of the sort
Most of the coverage I've seen about Trump's so-called attack on hedge fund managers gets it all wrong. Allegedly Mr. Trump is taking these guys to task for paying less than their share of taxes. Instead of paying at the "income" rate of 39.6% that the peons pay, they're using the "carried interest loophole" and other magic tricks to pay a mere 20%, which is the capital gains tax rate.
So the big boys are paying 20% on their profits, are they? Not bloody likely! Oh ya, maybe on the few profits they declare in the US, but what kind of doofus keeps his money in the US when the world is awash in tax havens where you'll pay little or nothing?
Remember the hoo-ha over the Mittster's financial revelations before the last election? On the face of it, Romney was paying a tax rate of 15% on gains declared in the US. Sure, that's enough of a scandal, but myriad investigative journalists never really got to the bottom of what's in those Romney accounts in Luxemburg, Cayman Islands, Bahamas...
That's the REAL scandal!
Trump has done a valuable public service in shining a light on these non-productive paper-shufflers. But Trump himself is well aware that the problem is not the 20% capital gain tax rate.
The real problem is the hundreds of billions that successful American corporations and wealthy individuals deliberately offshore in tax havens to avoid paying any share of their US tax burden.
So the big boys are paying 20% on their profits, are they? Not bloody likely! Oh ya, maybe on the few profits they declare in the US, but what kind of doofus keeps his money in the US when the world is awash in tax havens where you'll pay little or nothing?
Remember the hoo-ha over the Mittster's financial revelations before the last election? On the face of it, Romney was paying a tax rate of 15% on gains declared in the US. Sure, that's enough of a scandal, but myriad investigative journalists never really got to the bottom of what's in those Romney accounts in Luxemburg, Cayman Islands, Bahamas...
That's the REAL scandal!
Trump has done a valuable public service in shining a light on these non-productive paper-shufflers. But Trump himself is well aware that the problem is not the 20% capital gain tax rate.
The real problem is the hundreds of billions that successful American corporations and wealthy individuals deliberately offshore in tax havens to avoid paying any share of their US tax burden.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Has the global economy calmed the Hellenic crisis, or is this the calm before the storm?
Those fuckin' Greeks, eh?
They want dignity?
They have the audacity to want dignity after their banker betters mortgaged the nation for the next 300 years?
Well, I say the EU/IMF/ECB/World Bank crew should do all they can do to withhold that dignity.
After all, debts must be repaid... or the whole system is gonna go down the shitter.
Unless of course you are a major bank too big to fail.
Here's the thing. Our way of seeing things is at a crossroads.
Here's another way of seeing things.
I remember the late fifties-early sixties era when my fresh-off-the-boat father worked in a factory.
Back in the day, fresh-off-the-boat DPs of all stripes could get a factory job and buy a house and a car and believe in the good life. On one household income.
Fifty years later, productivity of the working class has gone up exponentially, but working people are either not working or they've become the working poor.
But it's been a great fifty years for hedge funds and bankers and all the other pillars of the Rumpelstiltskin economy.
Good for Tsipras and Varoufakis for saying "nein danke" and refusing, on behalf of the people of Greece, to take it up the ass anymore.
I think capitalism is great. It can motivate people to do great things. But it needs to be strictly regulated. Otherwise your're going to end up with a half dozen hedgie shit-bags running the whole show.
It's time to re-organize the global economy for the benefit of humanity.
They want dignity?
They have the audacity to want dignity after their banker betters mortgaged the nation for the next 300 years?
Well, I say the EU/IMF/ECB/World Bank crew should do all they can do to withhold that dignity.
After all, debts must be repaid... or the whole system is gonna go down the shitter.
Unless of course you are a major bank too big to fail.
Here's the thing. Our way of seeing things is at a crossroads.
Here's another way of seeing things.
I remember the late fifties-early sixties era when my fresh-off-the-boat father worked in a factory.
Back in the day, fresh-off-the-boat DPs of all stripes could get a factory job and buy a house and a car and believe in the good life. On one household income.
Fifty years later, productivity of the working class has gone up exponentially, but working people are either not working or they've become the working poor.
But it's been a great fifty years for hedge funds and bankers and all the other pillars of the Rumpelstiltskin economy.
Good for Tsipras and Varoufakis for saying "nein danke" and refusing, on behalf of the people of Greece, to take it up the ass anymore.
I think capitalism is great. It can motivate people to do great things. But it needs to be strictly regulated. Otherwise your're going to end up with a half dozen hedgie shit-bags running the whole show.
It's time to re-organize the global economy for the benefit of humanity.
Monday, June 22, 2015
Into a jobless future 2; the hedge fund edition
So I offered a brief synopsis of a world without jobs.
What will this mean to the dudes at the very top of the capitalist food chain? No offence intended, but they will inevitably be dudes. For a whole lot of reasons I can't get into here, there don't seem to be any women in the upper echelons of the hedge fund racket.
While it's no longer a novelty to see women at the top of the corporate hierarchy, that's no longer the top of the capitalist food chain. The biggest dogs in the corporate world can take home tens of millions a year. The biggest dogs in hedgie-land take home billions!
They do it by taking over companies, or even entire conglomerates, and laying waste to them. Pull a staged bankruptcy to get rid of those pesky union contracts. Loot the pensions. Off-shore the manufacturing, or at least move it to a "right-to-work-for-poverty-wages" state.
Maybe women just don't have the testicles to be that mean?
Anyway, the big dogs in the land 'o hedge funds are exclusively male.
So how's it gonna shake out for them when the working class has been completely decimated?
First of all, once you take the consumer out of consumer-driven capitalism, there's nobody left to buy the shit that those corporations make, whether they make it in Georgia or Monterey or China.
Robots don't buy cars or houses or a million consumer gadgets.
Suddenly all those corporations that provide consumer gadgets are worthless.
That means there's nothing there for the hedgies to dismember and flip.
Then what?
What will this mean to the dudes at the very top of the capitalist food chain? No offence intended, but they will inevitably be dudes. For a whole lot of reasons I can't get into here, there don't seem to be any women in the upper echelons of the hedge fund racket.
While it's no longer a novelty to see women at the top of the corporate hierarchy, that's no longer the top of the capitalist food chain. The biggest dogs in the corporate world can take home tens of millions a year. The biggest dogs in hedgie-land take home billions!
They do it by taking over companies, or even entire conglomerates, and laying waste to them. Pull a staged bankruptcy to get rid of those pesky union contracts. Loot the pensions. Off-shore the manufacturing, or at least move it to a "right-to-work-for-poverty-wages" state.
Maybe women just don't have the testicles to be that mean?
Anyway, the big dogs in the land 'o hedge funds are exclusively male.
So how's it gonna shake out for them when the working class has been completely decimated?
First of all, once you take the consumer out of consumer-driven capitalism, there's nobody left to buy the shit that those corporations make, whether they make it in Georgia or Monterey or China.
Robots don't buy cars or houses or a million consumer gadgets.
Suddenly all those corporations that provide consumer gadgets are worthless.
That means there's nothing there for the hedgies to dismember and flip.
Then what?
Saturday, June 6, 2015
The quiet death of a Canadian success story
Sentinelle Medical was a cutting edge manufacturer of MRI technology based in Toronto. It was spun out from the Sunnybrook Research Institute where its technology had been developed with a combination of public and private investment. It was an innovative leader in the field of MRI technology used in breast cancer screening.
In 2010 the promising upstart was bought out by American health-care tech conglomerate Hologic for $85 millions. Sentinelle remained a largely independent entity within Hologic and kept its operations in Toronto.
In November of 2013 so-called "activist investor" Carl Icahn bought 34 million shares in Hologic, which gave the hedge fund tycoon about 12% of the company. He promised to shake things up to "unlock shareholder value," which is another way of saying he was going to slash and burn whatever he could to goose the share price and make himself wealthier. Apparently the one thing billionaires never have enough of is money.
How Icahn and his ilk can pull off their rapacious plundering with relatively minor stock positions isn't that much of a mystery. The business press tends to portray "unlocking shareholder value" as an altruistic public service, regardless of how much damage is done to the company, its employees, and the communities they are a part of. As in the case of the Ackman takeover of CP Rail, accomplished with a mere 10% ownership position, the other shareholders tend to shut up and go along for the ride.
The new Icahn installed board of directors at Hologic deemed Sentinelle to be insufficiently lucrative, and by late 2014 Sentinelle found itself in the hands of Inviro, the health and wellness division of Philips, the Dutch multi-national of light-bulb fame.
The Toronto operations were promptly shuttered, throwing the Canadian employees out of work.
At least they can take comfort in the fact that Mr. Icahn did indeed unlock shareholder value; his holding in Hologic is worth about $500 millions more today than when he bought in a year and a half ago.
In 2010 the promising upstart was bought out by American health-care tech conglomerate Hologic for $85 millions. Sentinelle remained a largely independent entity within Hologic and kept its operations in Toronto.
In November of 2013 so-called "activist investor" Carl Icahn bought 34 million shares in Hologic, which gave the hedge fund tycoon about 12% of the company. He promised to shake things up to "unlock shareholder value," which is another way of saying he was going to slash and burn whatever he could to goose the share price and make himself wealthier. Apparently the one thing billionaires never have enough of is money.
How Icahn and his ilk can pull off their rapacious plundering with relatively minor stock positions isn't that much of a mystery. The business press tends to portray "unlocking shareholder value" as an altruistic public service, regardless of how much damage is done to the company, its employees, and the communities they are a part of. As in the case of the Ackman takeover of CP Rail, accomplished with a mere 10% ownership position, the other shareholders tend to shut up and go along for the ride.
The new Icahn installed board of directors at Hologic deemed Sentinelle to be insufficiently lucrative, and by late 2014 Sentinelle found itself in the hands of Inviro, the health and wellness division of Philips, the Dutch multi-national of light-bulb fame.
The Toronto operations were promptly shuttered, throwing the Canadian employees out of work.
At least they can take comfort in the fact that Mr. Icahn did indeed unlock shareholder value; his holding in Hologic is worth about $500 millions more today than when he bought in a year and a half ago.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Before Tim Hortons became the plaything of hedge funds, did Tim Hortons ever have to apologize for
this?
Ya, dousing sleeping homeless people with buckets of water is what made Timmys a Canadian icon.
I rest my case.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Tim takes it dry
Where's Eddie Shack when you need him?
Eddie once had the idea that he would be the next Tim Horton. Not on the ice, but in the world 'o donuts. For a few years you saw Eddie Shack donut stores here and there around Ontario, but alas, things never really caught fire for Eddie.
We got the news today that 350 Timmies employees, mostly head office folks with many years of service, got pink-slipped due to the new ownership of the venerable coffee and donut chain. It's all about synergies 'n efficiencies, don't ya know.
Mainly of course it's about making some filthy-rich hedge-fund shit-bags even richer.
So, what do you figure the future prospects are for some loyal employee who has worked at Timmies HQ for the last thirty years? I'd say they're pretty much screwed. Maybe, with a bit of luck, they can get a job passing coffee out the drive-thru window at their local Timmies.
I hit one of those pretty much every time I'm out and about. I'm inclined to boycott Timmies, but here's the problem; the success of the chain was built on the backs of the local franchisees. The gal who has the seven or eight stores in these parts is an incredibly hard-working woman who has a reputation for treating her employees well, and has always been actively engaged in the community. I don't want to boycott her.
If we had such a thing as government for the people, Industry Canada would not have rubber-stamped this deal. We do not have government for the people, however.
We have government for international capital.
The same government that allowed hedgies to destroy 5000 jobs at CP Rail while lining their pockets to the tune of billions.
The same government that allowed Caterpillar to shut down a perfectly viable locomotive manufacturer and destroy 400 well-paid manufacturing jobs in Ontario.
We need government that governs for the people of Canada, not for multinationals, hedge-fund managers, and international finance.
There's an election coming up soon. Obviously we've got to rid ourselves of this loathsome Harper crew. The tragedy is that there are no viable contenders on the horizon. Do you seriously think Trudeau will stand up for Canadian workers? He'll offer more in the way of banal pieties, but that will be that.
Regrettably, now that the NDP has expunged their roots from their mission statement, I can't see anything changing with Mulcair either.
Canada needs to grow it's own Alexis Tsipras, and soon.
Eddie once had the idea that he would be the next Tim Horton. Not on the ice, but in the world 'o donuts. For a few years you saw Eddie Shack donut stores here and there around Ontario, but alas, things never really caught fire for Eddie.
We got the news today that 350 Timmies employees, mostly head office folks with many years of service, got pink-slipped due to the new ownership of the venerable coffee and donut chain. It's all about synergies 'n efficiencies, don't ya know.
Mainly of course it's about making some filthy-rich hedge-fund shit-bags even richer.
So, what do you figure the future prospects are for some loyal employee who has worked at Timmies HQ for the last thirty years? I'd say they're pretty much screwed. Maybe, with a bit of luck, they can get a job passing coffee out the drive-thru window at their local Timmies.
I hit one of those pretty much every time I'm out and about. I'm inclined to boycott Timmies, but here's the problem; the success of the chain was built on the backs of the local franchisees. The gal who has the seven or eight stores in these parts is an incredibly hard-working woman who has a reputation for treating her employees well, and has always been actively engaged in the community. I don't want to boycott her.
If we had such a thing as government for the people, Industry Canada would not have rubber-stamped this deal. We do not have government for the people, however.
We have government for international capital.
The same government that allowed hedgies to destroy 5000 jobs at CP Rail while lining their pockets to the tune of billions.
The same government that allowed Caterpillar to shut down a perfectly viable locomotive manufacturer and destroy 400 well-paid manufacturing jobs in Ontario.
We need government that governs for the people of Canada, not for multinationals, hedge-fund managers, and international finance.
There's an election coming up soon. Obviously we've got to rid ourselves of this loathsome Harper crew. The tragedy is that there are no viable contenders on the horizon. Do you seriously think Trudeau will stand up for Canadian workers? He'll offer more in the way of banal pieties, but that will be that.
Regrettably, now that the NDP has expunged their roots from their mission statement, I can't see anything changing with Mulcair either.
Canada needs to grow it's own Alexis Tsipras, and soon.
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Uber is over; fuck the hedgies, take a cab
Who wouldn't want to save a couple of bucks on a cab ride?
Hey, that's everybody!
Yet, every cabbie I've ever met is a regular guy, occasionally a gal, who works really long hours for very modest pay.
Why would I want to screw over their livelihood to save five bucks on a trip to the airport?
As is often the case, this latest assault on workers is being passed off as a great boon to consumers. Yes, you may very well save a couple of bucks on that Uber ride.
At the expense of a career cab-driver.
The entire novelty of Uber presumes that some reified ideal-type "consumer" should dictate the structure of the economy.
And while a dollar or two "saved" here and there may seem like small potatoes, millions of cab rides a day add up to enough boodle that a bevy of hedgies and venture capital types and even big fat Google are banking, and I mean BANKING, on Uber screwing enough old-school cab drivers out of enough business to make this Uber venture potentially worth $200 billions.
Fuck the hedgies.
Take a cab.
Hey, that's everybody!
Yet, every cabbie I've ever met is a regular guy, occasionally a gal, who works really long hours for very modest pay.
Why would I want to screw over their livelihood to save five bucks on a trip to the airport?
As is often the case, this latest assault on workers is being passed off as a great boon to consumers. Yes, you may very well save a couple of bucks on that Uber ride.
At the expense of a career cab-driver.
The entire novelty of Uber presumes that some reified ideal-type "consumer" should dictate the structure of the economy.
And while a dollar or two "saved" here and there may seem like small potatoes, millions of cab rides a day add up to enough boodle that a bevy of hedgies and venture capital types and even big fat Google are banking, and I mean BANKING, on Uber screwing enough old-school cab drivers out of enough business to make this Uber venture potentially worth $200 billions.
Fuck the hedgies.
Take a cab.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Why Canada needs a Charter of Economic Rights
Here's something for the 400 soon-to-be unemployed Heinz workers in Leamington to mull over.
According to Forbes, Warren Buffett is the world's 4th richest man, with a net worth of 53 billion dollars.
Jorge Lemann is the world's 33rd richest man, with a net worth of 18 billion dollars.
Just to put a billion dollars in perspective, a typical Heinz employee in Leamington would have to work for 20,000 years to make a billion dollars.
Warren stands tall at 83 years old, atop a 53 billion dollar loot-pile
Jorges loot-pile is barely half that size.
Warren and Jorge have joined forces to buy the HJ Heinz company with a view to making themselves more money.
Because apparently they don't have enough.
This will be achieved by deploying the usual slash-and-burn strategies that have enriched hedge-fund shitbags for generations. Every dollar that can be leveraged out of a worker's pocket and diverted into the obscenely engorged wallets of Warren and Jorge is a step in the right direction.
Whether that destroys workers, their families, and their communities is quite irrelevant. It's all about "efficiency," don't you know?
Bullshit!
It's all about making obscenely rich people richer.
The layoffs and plant consolidations looming at Heinz contribute nothing of value to the overall economy. The Lemann-Buffett rape of HJ Heinz is a prime example of non-productive economic activity.
For starters, profits on non-productive economic activity should be taxed at a rate of 100%.
That would de-incentivize the Lemanns and Ackmans and Romneys of the world.
They could turn their attention to doing something useful for society!
Beyond that, as a society we need to get away from the idea that "democracy" is about nothing more than voting for one party or another every few years. Democracy should value the interests of ALL members of the society. We need to put the interests of the worker in Leamington on a par with the interests of Buffett or Lemann making their next billion.
Without economic democracy there is no democracy at all.
In the meantime, this is one household that is going to muddle through without using any HJ Heinz products from here on in.
Hope you do the same in your household.
According to Forbes, Warren Buffett is the world's 4th richest man, with a net worth of 53 billion dollars.
Jorge Lemann is the world's 33rd richest man, with a net worth of 18 billion dollars.
Just to put a billion dollars in perspective, a typical Heinz employee in Leamington would have to work for 20,000 years to make a billion dollars.
Warren stands tall at 83 years old, atop a 53 billion dollar loot-pile
Jorges loot-pile is barely half that size.
Warren and Jorge have joined forces to buy the HJ Heinz company with a view to making themselves more money.
Because apparently they don't have enough.
This will be achieved by deploying the usual slash-and-burn strategies that have enriched hedge-fund shitbags for generations. Every dollar that can be leveraged out of a worker's pocket and diverted into the obscenely engorged wallets of Warren and Jorge is a step in the right direction.
Whether that destroys workers, their families, and their communities is quite irrelevant. It's all about "efficiency," don't you know?
Bullshit!
It's all about making obscenely rich people richer.
The layoffs and plant consolidations looming at Heinz contribute nothing of value to the overall economy. The Lemann-Buffett rape of HJ Heinz is a prime example of non-productive economic activity.
For starters, profits on non-productive economic activity should be taxed at a rate of 100%.
That would de-incentivize the Lemanns and Ackmans and Romneys of the world.
They could turn their attention to doing something useful for society!
Beyond that, as a society we need to get away from the idea that "democracy" is about nothing more than voting for one party or another every few years. Democracy should value the interests of ALL members of the society. We need to put the interests of the worker in Leamington on a par with the interests of Buffett or Lemann making their next billion.
Without economic democracy there is no democracy at all.
In the meantime, this is one household that is going to muddle through without using any HJ Heinz products from here on in.
Hope you do the same in your household.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Only in America; dope-dealing cross-dressing priest ready for plea-bargain
Check out this story.
Father Wallin ministers to the flock on the wrong side of the tracks over there in Connecticut.
That's gotta be a tough gig. We mostly know Connecticut as the home base of choice for successful hedgies. Once you're flush and have a few success stories under your belt, nothing says "you're a big boy now" louder than an estate in Connecticut.
But then there's that other Connecticut, the one where entire neighborhoods live on less than the annual cigar tab for a self-respecting got-it-made wheeler-dealer.
You know what I'm talking about; where the black folks live.
And while I'm at it; why aren't there any black hedge fund managers?
Anyway, Father Wallin brought the gospel of Jesus Christ to the hopeless and homeless and down and out in Connecticut, not to the other guys. Seems the pressure got to him.
Father Wallin was in the habit... oh jeez... I didn't even see that one coming... oh my God?!...
Well, the body of evidence claims he was a cross-dresser, but WTF, when you look at the pictures from that Conclave of Cardinals just a couple weeks ago, they're all about that... which was why I thought Rodman was a shoe-in for the Golden Scepter...
But I digress. Don't know if Father Wallin donned the habit, but apparently he was in the habit of doffing the friarly robes for something a little more flattering. A mini-skirt maybe. Yoga pants... who knows?
Not only that, but due to the Church of Rome having to settle one multi-billion dollar class-action after another for the last twenty years, your local parish priest is actually paying the bills out of the proceeds from the bingo and the bake sale these days.
Bingo and bake sales only go so far, and for Father Wallin they obviously didn't go far enough.
Father Wallin took some hard decisions. Out with baking cupcakes. In with cooking meth.
The rest of the story is, if not history, at least really cheesy headlines.
And if you're among the multitude rushing to judge Father Wallin, let me leave you with a quote from the Good Book.
"Judge not, lest ye be judged."
Father Wallin ministers to the flock on the wrong side of the tracks over there in Connecticut.
That's gotta be a tough gig. We mostly know Connecticut as the home base of choice for successful hedgies. Once you're flush and have a few success stories under your belt, nothing says "you're a big boy now" louder than an estate in Connecticut.
But then there's that other Connecticut, the one where entire neighborhoods live on less than the annual cigar tab for a self-respecting got-it-made wheeler-dealer.
You know what I'm talking about; where the black folks live.
And while I'm at it; why aren't there any black hedge fund managers?
Anyway, Father Wallin brought the gospel of Jesus Christ to the hopeless and homeless and down and out in Connecticut, not to the other guys. Seems the pressure got to him.
Father Wallin was in the habit... oh jeez... I didn't even see that one coming... oh my God?!...
Well, the body of evidence claims he was a cross-dresser, but WTF, when you look at the pictures from that Conclave of Cardinals just a couple weeks ago, they're all about that... which was why I thought Rodman was a shoe-in for the Golden Scepter...
But I digress. Don't know if Father Wallin donned the habit, but apparently he was in the habit of doffing the friarly robes for something a little more flattering. A mini-skirt maybe. Yoga pants... who knows?
Not only that, but due to the Church of Rome having to settle one multi-billion dollar class-action after another for the last twenty years, your local parish priest is actually paying the bills out of the proceeds from the bingo and the bake sale these days.
Bingo and bake sales only go so far, and for Father Wallin they obviously didn't go far enough.
Father Wallin took some hard decisions. Out with baking cupcakes. In with cooking meth.
The rest of the story is, if not history, at least really cheesy headlines.
And if you're among the multitude rushing to judge Father Wallin, let me leave you with a quote from the Good Book.
"Judge not, lest ye be judged."
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Debt Cliff apologists have a lot of splaining to do
I was watching Wolf Blitzer for a spell this evening and it seems every congressman in Congress has some splaining to do.
Steve Israel took his turn on prime time TV like a man. A nominal Democrat, Israel splained that Obama has a lot of of splaining to do.
And he does. Mainly I'd like to see him splain how any of this nonsense is good for Joe Lunchpail who may or may not still have a job at the American Iron Works plant in Anytown USA.
May or may not?
I'm betting not.
And there is nothing in the ongoing blabfest that broaches the question "why not?"
Hmm... market forces?
The invisible hand?
How about "we made it lucrative for shitbag hedge funders to offshore your job?"
Oddly enough none of the splaining seems to encroach on the sacred territory finance capital has carved out for itself.
America is bankrupt because it is being looted by the too-big-to-fail crowd.
Splain that away, Mr. Israel.
Steve Israel took his turn on prime time TV like a man. A nominal Democrat, Israel splained that Obama has a lot of of splaining to do.
And he does. Mainly I'd like to see him splain how any of this nonsense is good for Joe Lunchpail who may or may not still have a job at the American Iron Works plant in Anytown USA.
May or may not?
I'm betting not.
And there is nothing in the ongoing blabfest that broaches the question "why not?"
Hmm... market forces?
The invisible hand?
How about "we made it lucrative for shitbag hedge funders to offshore your job?"
Oddly enough none of the splaining seems to encroach on the sacred territory finance capital has carved out for itself.
America is bankrupt because it is being looted by the too-big-to-fail crowd.
Splain that away, Mr. Israel.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
What I want to be when I grow up
Robert Schad was one of that generation of Europeans who came across in the years after the war. He started a little machine shop in Toronto in 1953. Mr. Schad worked his ass off for over fifty years. His little machine shop became Husky Injection Molding, the global leader in building the machines that mass produce all the plastic crap you buy. For many years the biggest market for injection molding machinery has been China. They buy our machines and then sell us back the crap.
Schad was a forward looking guy. He wasn't the sort of entrepreneur to maximize profits on the back of the workers. His company became almost as famous for their generous employee benefits as for their machinery. Subsidized meals in the company cafeteria. Subsidized on-site daycare. Doctors, chiropractors, and massage therapists, all right there at the worksite, and either free or heavily subsidized by the company.
Getting on in years, and not having anyone in the family interested in carrying on the business, Schad sold his company late in 2007 to a hedge fund. The price was just under a billion dollars, and Schad's share of the loot was about 400 million. A princely sum, to be sure, but perhaps a justifiable reward for a lifetime of hard work, creating thousands of jobs, supporting many worthy causes, and so on. I suppose lots of people work hard all their lives and don't fare out nearly so well, but I'm prepared to give the system the benefit of the doubt.
I say, good for Mr. Schad.
But apparently Mr. Schad had been more a machinist and not that sharp of a businessman. The pointy pencil guys at the hedge fund were miraculously able to double the company's net operating revenue in a mere three years. Then they sold the company for over two billion dollars. Reuters reported that they had "reduced waste and shed non-core and non-performing assets". That's biz-speak for stripping out anything that isn't going to contribute to the bottom line in the next quarter. I'm wondering how many of Mr. Schad's beloved employee benefits were non-core or non performing?
If you are a young person considering a career path, this is an instructive example. You can see that there are opportunities to start a business, to grow a business, to contribute to your community. A good work ethic, an engineering degree, maybe an apprenticeship in something useful would be the tools you need to get on your way. With a bit of luck, fifty years later you can cash out with princely riches.
Or, you could do an MBA, start a hedge fund, never build anything, never create a single job, never give anything back to your community, and make twice as much money in three years as Robert Schad made in his lifetime.
Schad was a forward looking guy. He wasn't the sort of entrepreneur to maximize profits on the back of the workers. His company became almost as famous for their generous employee benefits as for their machinery. Subsidized meals in the company cafeteria. Subsidized on-site daycare. Doctors, chiropractors, and massage therapists, all right there at the worksite, and either free or heavily subsidized by the company.
Getting on in years, and not having anyone in the family interested in carrying on the business, Schad sold his company late in 2007 to a hedge fund. The price was just under a billion dollars, and Schad's share of the loot was about 400 million. A princely sum, to be sure, but perhaps a justifiable reward for a lifetime of hard work, creating thousands of jobs, supporting many worthy causes, and so on. I suppose lots of people work hard all their lives and don't fare out nearly so well, but I'm prepared to give the system the benefit of the doubt.
I say, good for Mr. Schad.
But apparently Mr. Schad had been more a machinist and not that sharp of a businessman. The pointy pencil guys at the hedge fund were miraculously able to double the company's net operating revenue in a mere three years. Then they sold the company for over two billion dollars. Reuters reported that they had "reduced waste and shed non-core and non-performing assets". That's biz-speak for stripping out anything that isn't going to contribute to the bottom line in the next quarter. I'm wondering how many of Mr. Schad's beloved employee benefits were non-core or non performing?
If you are a young person considering a career path, this is an instructive example. You can see that there are opportunities to start a business, to grow a business, to contribute to your community. A good work ethic, an engineering degree, maybe an apprenticeship in something useful would be the tools you need to get on your way. With a bit of luck, fifty years later you can cash out with princely riches.
Or, you could do an MBA, start a hedge fund, never build anything, never create a single job, never give anything back to your community, and make twice as much money in three years as Robert Schad made in his lifetime.
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