Monday, May 28, 2018

Here's a conspiracy theory for you

I call it the Intelligent Dandelion theory.

I figure the grass-seed cartel, in cahoots with Monsanto and the Chinese lawnmower manufacturers, have developed an intelligent dandelion. When it senses the lawnmower approaching, the intelligent dandelion will lie down. Sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for a day or two.

But then they get up again!

Yup, within a day or two of cutting the grass, your lawn looks like you don't even own a mower.

This insight came to me whilst I was fiddling with assorted lawnmower parts on the front stoop. My piece-of-shit mower, barely into its third season of grass-cutting, puked out the string you pull to start it.

Now, we all know about planned obsolescence...

What, you got two full years out of that thing? Excellent!

Buy a new one!

Well, I'm not falling for that crap. How hard can it be to replace a piece of pull-cord?

As it turns out, a lot harder than you'd think. They've got the tiniest springs and gizmos and whatsits in there. Half of them are held in place by gravity, which is fine till you take things apart and turn them upside down. Then you've got a random rainshower of mechanical miscellany falling to the ground.

But I persevered! Took an hour and a half, but I can start that piece of shit again, and that recoil spring pulls the string in far enough that I can restart it - not as far as it used to, but what the hell.

The lawnmower starts!

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