Go Leafs go!

The Leafs made their long awaited playoff debut last night in typical Leafs fashion... losing after being up two.

That's quite the accomplishment for the most expensive front office in the NHL.

Looks like the Babcock rebuild is about the same as the Burkie rebuild which looked pretty much the same as every rebuild we've been treated to since 1967.

What they can't figure out in Toronto is that it's not the front office that wins hockey games.

Pot-addled hillbilly screwed now that baseball season is over

Well, I guess it's not over if you're an Indians fan.

Speaking of which, did you hear about the Canadian do-gooders who went to court to prevent MLB using the term "Indians" and the Chief Wahoo logo?

They lost. Cleveland's MLB team are still the Indians, and their mascot is still that fake Indian chief.

I was surprised at the loss. MLB must have sent some pretty high-powered pinch-hitting lawyers up here to make that happen.

I get the point of the do-gooders; that buck-toothed Indian chief is derogatory in every way.

Here's my problem.

Native Canadians have had the dirty end of the stick for about 400 years.

When the do-gooders score a symbolic victory like getting the Cleveland Indians to change their name or drop their mascot, a lot of well-meaning people figure, hey, the work is done!

These symbolic victories take the pressure off governments to do anything meaningful.

So the Cleveland MLB team changes their name, they get a new mascot, and everything is happy happy except that the vast majority of North American native people still live in sub-standard housing, still have sub-standard health care and education, and still have incarceration rates and suicide rates that should make every social justice warrior blush.

But nobody sees that shit anymore because, hey looky here!... what a great symbolic victory we just won over Chief Wahoo and the dominant white racist culture.

Sure...

Anyway, for a Toronto sports fan I guess we've got the Leafs to look forward to...

And those Blackhawks.

Kessel hoists the Stanley Cup, Leafs don't

Good on you, Phil! Couldn't happen to a nicer, more deserving guy!

After those miserable years in Toronto, we figured from the get-go that the Penguins were a good fit.

Congratulations Mr. Kessel!

As for our Leafs, I don't see much becoming of the latest rebuild. This is a team that's been rebuilding since 1967. The latest rebuild looks to me like a gang of NHL insider old-boys feathering their nests with gold-plated sinecures.

Leafs still suck on ice, but new jerseys sure look sharp!

I see where the new Maple Leafs brain trust has unveiled a new logo.

And not only do those new jerseys look sharp, the new logo is apparently fraught with deeper meaning!

I suppose that partially compensates Leaf Nation for the fact that the new management team, old-boy NHL insiders every one, haven't been able to unveil a new attitude on the ice.

That's quite a team... Shanahan had what qualifications to be President of Hockey Operations?

Lou last won a Stanley in 2003. That's 13 years ago. The world has changed and so has the game.

And Babcock? Well, good for him for finally getting that set-for-life contract, but seriously... what's he brought so far?

As far as I'm concerned, you could have saved many millions by offering Don Cherry the combined President/GM/Coach position, and I'm sure he would have been happy to do it just for the coach's paycheque.

Hell, Don could lace up the Bauers and he'd be the first Pres/GM/PLAYER-coach in league history!

And he'd do more on the ice than some of the stiffs out there wearing that new logo.

Three weeks in, Kessel is scoring the good press he never got in Toronto

Check this out.

Yup, that one story at TSN has more accolades for Phil than the Toronto media were willing to give him in the course of six years.

At some level you have to feel for the guy. He was resented from the get-go for that original trade, and I have to admit that I'm among the majority who saw that as a huge mistake. But it was Burkies mistake, not Kessel's, so why are we punishing Phil?

After all, the dorkshit who actually made the mistake came out golden!

Can Lou Lamoriello turn around the Leafs, or is he yesterday's man?

This is a move that smacks of desperation. No question that the Devils prospered under the stewardship of Lamoriello. Three Stanleys and a .75 make-it-to-the-post-season average may not be Scotty Bowman numbers, but they're certainly better numbers than we've seen in Toronto for fifty years.

If Shanahan's best and brightest idea is to hire the guy who drafted him almost thirty years ago, then I think the Big Dogs who run the show in TO maybe made a mistake with the Shanahan hire.

But hopefully I'll be proven wrong.

If Lou enjoys the same level of success in Toronto that he enjoyed in New Jersey, we'll at least get to see some playoff action three years out of every four. And if Lou stays on for 28 years, by which time he'll be 100, Toronto will see three Stanley Cup parades...

That's the positive spin.

On the minus side, the game has changed. What might have worked for Lou in '95 isn't necessarily going to work in Toronto going forward. Don't forget his last Stanley was twelve years ago.

I'm not much impressed by the new team in the front office, but let's see what the new Leafs can do on the ice.

Penguins a good fit for Phil Kessel

For an abundance of reasons, Phil Kessel was never going to be the right guy for Toronto. He's a first line guy, but not somebody you can hang a franchise on. It was manifestly unfair of Burke to expect that of him.

In Pittsburgh he won't have anywhere near the pressure he had in Toronto. He'll be able to enjoy playing hockey again.

Good for Phil!

Warriors done without Curry

Mind you, they're getting back in the game.

Without Curry.

I've for a long time held that when the big dog stumbles, there's always lots of second liners ready to step in.

That's true if you're talking about ISIS or Hamas or the Leafs or the Warriors.

It's Sociology 101.

Why Babcock will fail in Toronto

Toronto is a very fickle market.

The "regular folks," people like me, and probably you too, have pretty much been priced out of seeing the Leafs live.

By the time you add in parking, an over-priced hot-dog, an over-priced beer, two people taking in a Leafs game is a $500 touch.

Contrast that to the sixties, when guys who worked in factories held season tickets. For everybody in their family. I'm willing to bet there's not a single factory worker holding a Leafs season ticket today.

The game has changed.

The world has changed.

The Leafs are the richest franchise in the NHL.

They just made Mike Babcock the richest coach in the NHL.

I think Mike and his agent made a great deal for themselves. Even when this joyride ends in three or four years, (eight year contract means nothing)Mike's gonna be set for life.

All those chairs in the Air Canada Centre are corporate assets on somebody's balance sheet these days. The Leafs have fans, but they don't have real old-school working-class fans any more, the folks who would call in sick and miss a day's pay to catch the Leaf's live.

Ya, that used to happen a lot when you worked second shift.

But that was then.

Now, those fancy seat-owners like to glory in the ownership of a seat at the ACC. The only thing that is more cool among the nouveau rich who rule Toronto these days is having a seat and not using it!

That's the fan mentality Babcock will be facing. The beautiful people will want results right away. Otherwise they'll leave their seats empty. The guys on the ice will despair at the lack of fan support. Morale will go for a shit. A team that should have won (on paper) will just be another bunch of losers.

But the Maple Leaf brand will continue to be the most valuable in the NHL.

It's just a matter of time before Mike Babcock realizes he has been pre-ordained to fail.

50 million for Mike Babcock to coach the Leafs?

I guess one way of looking at it is that nobody remotely qualified to take the job was willing to touch it with a ten foot pole at that price.

Sure, it makes him the highest paid coach in NHL history, but look how many other NHL coaches said "no thanks, I'll stay put," when offered the boodle.

Money isn't everything!

But apparently it is for Mike.

That money is spread over eight years, which the sporty journos claim proves that Babcock has been hired to build the team.

Hmm... show me in Babcock's illustrious record where he has actually built a team?

His only Stanley came with a team he had next to nothing to do with building.

If this was Shanahan's decision, expect the both of them to be gone within three seasons.

Three great reasons to hate pro sports

I hate pro sports.

First up, I think pro sports make you drink too much beer. Now, I know there's a lot of hard-core sports fans who will argue that there is no such thing as "too much beer."

I rest my case.

I'll just rest it on the table in the kitchen for a sec and then I'll bring it in and park it between the La-Z-Boys.

Have you ever in your life seen a sports event without beer company sponsorship?

Do you think there's a reason for that? I could write a dissertation on the beer-sports vortex.... actually, I think I did once.

I also hate pro sports because professional athletes make me feel inadequate. Like, I'll be in my favourite gay bar in Toronto at two in the AM, and then the Leafs will start trickling in, and all of a sudden I'm fuckin' chopped liver.

I just hate that!

But the main reason I hate professional sports is that it represents the commodification of passion. Think about it.

A couple of generations ago the top guys in the NHL came up playing road hockey in Kapuskasing fourteen hours a day. Using horse-shit for pucks.

In last weeks' draft all the top picks were kids who've been getting into the top hockey programmes since they were three years old, by parents who have the resources to make elite hockey camps happen ten or fifteen years in a row.

A couple of generations ago all the top guys in the NBA came up shooting baskets in the driveway or the playground till well past midnight, even after all the buddies had gone home. That made them high-school stars, which made them college stars, which made them names in the big show.

Today every number one pick is the product of 18 years of careful planning by solidly middle-class parents and a coterie of advisers and coaches. Do you think it's a coincidence that more and more often we find that top drawer professional athletes come from top drawer professional athlete parents?

Sure, some of them may still love the game...

But it's just another commodity.

Having said that, I gotta wrap this up. Lebron and my man Tristan just whupped the Celts, so I have to get back to the hockey game.

Is there anything on Brendan Shanahan's resume that would suggest he is qualified to lead the Leafs?

I sure can't find it.

Great career as a player.

Pretty much a non-entity in management. Winning at international tourneys is not the same as winning in the NHL on a regular basis.

Ya, he put in his time at head office, but is that all that his Leafs sinecure is about?

And how about that so-called house cleaning...

It's been a blood-bath at Maple Leafs HQ over the past few days...

... but Kessel and Phaneuf are still on the payroll?

WTF???

Kessel, Phaneuf, and that never-ending Leafs rebuild

I feel bad for Phil Kessel and Phaneuf. It wasn't their idea to rebuild the Toronto Maple Leafs around them.

That's on Burkie.

Burkie, as an old-boy hockey insider, has long since decamped to greener pastures. The fact that his record absolutely stinks makes no diff when you are an old-boy insider.

I'm watching (not for much longer) my Leafs taking a 5-0 beating at the hands of the Blues. The absolute highlight of the game thus far has been Phaneuf's pasting of Oshie. If Phaneuf had delivered a few more checks like that earlier in his career as a Maple Leaf, he could have vindicated Burkes decision to sign him up.

But by and large Phaneuf avoids the nitty gritty.

Which is why he was never a guy you should have been building a team around.

We are now watching a team that truly sucks. The announcement that they are officially "rebuilding" was management's way of telling the fans that it's official strategy that they suck. There is a school of thought that maintains the suckage is about nabbing McDavid in the draft, but I wouldn't give Leaf management that much credit.

The Leafs suck because they're run by hockey morons, not because they're run by evil geniuses with an eye on Connor McDavid.

It's been a while since I've been to the Air Canada Centre to see the Leafs live. Between tickets and parking and the drive to the big city and a dinner out, this is a $500 night.

Won't be happening any time soon.

Trade Kessel now!

Cathal Kelly's got a fair and balanced story in The Globe and Mail about Phil Kessel. Fact is, both the Kessel and Phaneuf deals were disasters from the get go.

Both are first line guys on a good day, but neither are guys to build a team around, which was obvious when Burke acquired them to build a team around.

Enough already!

The think tank here at Falling downs has been lobbying to rid our team (yes, we're Leaf fans around here, but our team hasn't given us much to work with for, oh, half a century or so...) of these guys for ages.

Time to undo the last vestiges of the Burke legacy and start afresh!

Why incompetent front office "pukes" like Brian Burke will always have jobs in pro sports

The illustrious Brian Burke waxed wise on the state of media relations in the NHL the other day. Apparently it shouldn't be part of Phil Kessel's job to talk to media pukes on a regular basis.

If you recall, the Kessel trade was one of Burke's key moves when he was "rebuilding" the Leafs. Burkie seems to think that just because Kessel has been the top scorer on a Leafs team that's missed the playoffs for 8 out of the last 9 years,  his "team-building" skills have been exonerated!

Not so fast, Burkie!

Most of your critics who think they could do a better GM job than you do are probably right. Keeping a mediocre team mediocre isn't really a mark of management genius, is it?

Hell, I could do that!

And everybody knows that Burke's one and only Stanley ring had next to nothing to do with Burke.

But here's why Burke will not only survive, but thrive in the front office; certainly not with one particular team, but in general.

First of all, those years as Bettman's bumboy back in the '90's cemented his cred as an old boy insider.

Secondly, but just as important, the NHL is an entertainment franchise, and entertainment franchises need villains!

As any grade 9 drama teacher can tell you, there's no drama without villains, and the NHL needs its share of villains, on the ice, behind the bench, and in the front office.

So, inept as he may be as a GM, Burkie is doing a good job in his villain role. That's why I'm writing about him, and that's why you're reading about him.

Keep up the good work, ya old puke!

First Islamist in NHL declares Maple Leafs don't need fans

At some level he's probably right.

Pretty much all the chairs at Air Canada Centre are leased out to corporate nabobs who never show up anyway, unless there's a serious game on deck. Their seats are filled with their poor cousins and various freeloaders who are not necessarily committed to the success of the Maple Leafs.

But if you don't mind me saying so, it's more than a bit uppity for Kadri to voice this complaint.

Some poor pathetic fan who has no doubt been a Leaf's booster his whole life, tosses his Leafs jersey on the ice, a jersey that he probably spent over a hundred bucks for at the wildly over-priced memorabilia kiosk in the lobby, because he is totally disgusted with the game his Leafs are putting on.

And Kadri has the gall to opine that his team does not need fans like that!?

Memo to Kadri;

Hey asshole, your fan base doesn't need a team like this. Fuck off already with your opinionating, and if you're not up to playing hockey, make room for people who want to.

Thank you,

A Leafs fan.

Toronto Maple Leafs management back on crack; hire 28 yr old weenie as Assistant GM

Kyle Dubas has quite the track record.

For two of the three years that he was GM of the OHL's Soo Greyhounds, they made the playoffs.

Yup, that's it. Made the playoffs, as did 15 other teams.

Apparently he's a wizard with "analytics."

I suppose that might be better than pyramids under the team bench... but analytics?

Maybe Shanahan is a wizard at spotting young management talent.

We shall see.

Leaf's still suck and it's still Burke's fault

Mini-Burke Dave Nonis has held a steady-as-she-goes course in Toronto since the departure of his mentor Brian Burke.

That's translated into continuing the Burke strategy of building the team around Phaneuf and Kessel.

It's probably fair to say Burke lost his job for that misguided strategy, so why Nonis would want to continue it is a mystery to me. Maybe he's keen to join Brian in the Calgary rebuild.

In any case, he's not shown himself as anything other than Burkie Lite in Toronto.

Both Phaneuf and Kessel are starters on any NHL team, but neither of them are guys who you should be building a team around. Ultimately it's not fair to them either. That was obvious two years ago or more, and the fact that Nonis is sticking to a tested and failed strategy tells you that he needs to go too.

Wiggins chokes, gives up b'ball to play for Leafs instead

Apparently the rumours that Wiggins was offered a tryout with the Maple Leafs after his inexplicable choke against Stanford are unfounded.

What the hell went on there? Stage fright? You wouldn't think so. Wiggins has had enough money games behind him that you wouldn't think the pressure would make a difference.

Maybe he just had a bad day.

Hopefully it's not a remake of the Carl English story.

Not that Carl has done that poorly for himself. Yes, it was a humiliation for the ages to watch that draft where Carl never got drafted, but it was the twats at CBC who engineered that, so don't blame Carl.

Carl just wanted to play hoops, and that's what he's been doing, and he's made a great living off of it. Maybe not a first-round NBA draft pick kind of living, but definitely a better living than virtually anybody he left behind in Newfoundland.

But for some reason I don't see Wiggins playing in Spain, regardless of his meltdown the other day.

Which was the exact same day that I fired up the F-150 for the first time in months! Yup, she's sat there under a snowbank since November. For a good part of that time there was no sign of her - just a bump in the big snow berm that accumulated in front of the garage.

A few warm days lately have melted enough snow that I could see a bit of red peeking though that snow berm. Three tires were flat.

But we got that taken care of and we're off to see the Leafs beat the Red Wings tonight!

And I hear Wiggins has got a spot on the D!

Tweets 'n twats 'n SodaStream

There's a story afloat about how various departments in the government can take weeks to approve a single "tweet." In fact, there is word of a twelve step tweet approval process. Haven't seen any proof, but it's a story that has the ring of authenticity about it.

But as if to underline just how all-powerful the big dogs are in the Harper gang, Jason Kenney ripped forth a tweet today that was obviously unburdened by any twelve steps of approval nor weeks of deliberation. In a sly broadside aimed at the BDS movement, he thanked Oxfam for giving him the idea of buying a SodaStream home soda-pop machine.

SodaStream is an Israeli start-up that wants you to make your own pop at home. No longer will you have to pick up a box of Pepsi or Mountain Dew in your weekly shop. It is so much more convenient to have an apparatus on your kitchen counter that will produce something that tastes almost the same for almost the same price.

Entrepreneurs have been trying to pull out the rug from under Big Soda forever. I remember a plucky Canadian start-up by the name of Poppe Shoppe that was going to do what SodaStream is going to do; unseat the big boys in the world of carbonated sweetened water. They had Maple Leaf icon Eddy Shack shilling for them. I was rather naive in those days, so I invested the family savings, which, long story short, was probably a contributing factor in the divorce that eventually followed.

SodaStream has Scarlett Johansen instead of Eddy Shack, which I suppose is an improvement, but they still don't have a hope in hell. No rinky-dink start-up is going to unseat Big Soda any more than some petrol start-up is going to knock off Exxon and BP.

SodaStream does have one advantage though. It has garnered the opprobrium of the BDS folks who take umbrage at the fact that the company bills itself as Israeli but does its manufacturing in the occupied West Bank. That's fair enough, but why is it an advantage?

Because lots of folks like Jason Kenney, who would never in a million years dream of installing on their kitchen counter a machine for making unhealthy soda water, are suddenly drawn to the idea simply because it allows them to give the finger to the BDS crowd! This is nothing short of brilliant market positioning by the SodaStream folks.

It does however raise some questions about the professionalism of Jason Kenney. He is in the news because he is a cabinet minister in the government of Canada. Is it appropriate that he mock Oxfam? Is it appropriate that he denigrate BDS? Are there not professional standards of neutrality demanded of government functionaries, regardless of their personal opinions?

In the Harper government, apparently not.