Zen, sh!t, and bathroom renos

It's been an up and down couple of days here at Falling Downs, largely on account of the impromtu bathroom reno I embarked on, what seems like six months ago. Yesterday I was close to a heart attack, or possibly a suicide attempt, when we suddenly found there was no water pressure, hence no water coming out the taps. I immediately assumed this calamity was on me. After all, I've been making "plumbing improvements" for several weeks now. Turns out a running toilet drained the water tank and one or the other of the electronic gizmos that regulate water pressure was out of breath. An hour later, having caught their breath, we were back in business! But I have to say, that was one of the most stressful hours in my life. I was calling around to find local motels that take Neopolitan mastiffs. And I was sweating bullets on breaking the news of my latest screw-up to the Farm Manager. That scare bumped "new toilet" to the top of the priority list. Headed in bright and early to pick up the new one the FM picked out at the Home Depot website. They allegedly had 24 of the favoured model in stock, aisle 34. An hour later, I'm back home. Picked up a Globe and Mail on the way and fixed myself breakfast. Then a leisurely read-through of the Globe. Pretty much a waste of $4.20. Around noon I thought I'd best get to the task at hand. No rush after all; right on the box of my Glacier Bay toilet it tells me it's a ten minute installation. I know that's bullshit. It's gonna take me at least an hour, maybe two. You gotta wonder how "Glacier Bay" became the name of a toilet brand. Obviously marketing experts were involved. Shlepped the 129 pound toilet into the house, only to discover, ten minutes into the unpacking, the toilet bowl was shattered! Back to Home Depot. A round trip runs over an hour just in drive time, plus however long you spend in the store. They were good about the refund. I go for another toilet. Find a worker to help me load it on the cart. I explain I just returned the one I bought this morning, and if he doesn't mind, could we open the box and make certain this one is intact. It was in multiple shards, way more shards than my first purchase. Third time lucky, I finally get the new unit back to Falling Downs around 2 pm. Ten minute installation? It was 8 by the time I advised the FM that she wouldn't have to pee in that 5 gal Home Depot bucket I picked up just in case. I know! Am I a sensitive guy or what? While this did mightily please the FM, it also brought me to higher levels of understanding and wisdom. I learned that the FM wants her bathroom to be a "zen space," which makes you feel good whenever you're there. To me, a bathroom is just a place to take a dump and have a shower. I felt more than enough zen in the old bathroom, even with the drippy taps and the running toilet.