Canadian submarine fleet high and dry

Canada needs submarines. No question about that. We have coastlines all over the place, and you know what that means. Water. Lots of it. Off every coast.

And do we know what's in that water? No, which is why we desperately need a submarine fleet. Could be narco-terrorists from Mexico, seeking to land tons of marijuana on the British Columbia coast. Could be British Columbia marijuana growers, smuggling their BC bud to Mexico. Could be regular Islamic terrorists planning to sneak into the country. Illegal immigrants from wherever. We just don't know. In fact I saw a guy in a turban just the other day who looked somewhat foreign. Wonder what unguarded shore he washed up on?

So it's obvious we need a submarine fleet. We do have one of course. Four used subs we bought from our British allies about eight years ago. They've pretty much been in drydock ever since. Seemed like a good deal at the time. Under two hundred million apiece for a good used sub? How could we go wrong?

The cost of refitting has now pushed the price upwards of half a billion each, and we still can't put them in the water. Refit this. Refit that. Refits on the last refit... Now uber-weenie and Minister of National Defense Peter MacKay has come up with a new plan. Let's build a brand new fleet of nuclear subs!

Sounds a lot like the old plan to me. Twenty years ago, when I worked at Saint John Shipbuilding, the Irving family was lobbying hard for a contract to build a nuclear submarine fleet. The Irvings are super-patriots, well known for putting the national interest right up there with their own family interests. They could see the long ride on the pork-barrel express called the Patrol Frigate Program coming to an end. What to do with their state-of-the-art shipyard and two thousand hashish-addled shipbuilders? Build submarines!

Alas, I think it was the nuclear angle that sunk the plan. All you have to do in Canada is whisper the word "nuclear" and the militant whale-huggers start organizing. Didn't take long to file that one in the "ya right" bin.

So here we are twenty years later. Our sub fleet high and dry. Our British allies still snickering. The navy spends thousand of dollars a month just keeping migratory birds from nesting in the conning towers. And Mr. MacKay has a brand new plan.

Maybe the Irvings will get their submarine contract after all.