I don't know about you, but I have for a long time made it my policy to never make eye contact with the staff at the local Walgreens. They just don't need to know me as well as they know me. And believe me, they know you at the drugstore.
I mean, it wasn't always this bad. The first time I bought condoms it occurred to me that this might be seen as a good thing, a rite of passage into adulthood. I was thinking that the cashier was thinking 'oh my this studly stud is getting some action,' when what they were really thinking was 'who are you kidding, geekface.' But as you get older, what they're thinking can only be unambiguously unflattering.
Where's the potential upside when your shopping basket includes laxatives and Preparation H? Then there's the stuff you get at the prescription counter. That just gives away far too much personal information. And it's not just the pharmacy folks who get the information. Don't you love it when the pharmacist is rhyming off the potential side-effects of your anti-depressants in full earshot of a dozen other customers? You know what they're thinking; 'ohhh, I knew he was a little odd, but that sounds like some heavy-duty anti-psychotic stuff he's on. It's amazing he functions as well as he does.'
The child-rearing years aren't too bad. You finally get a legitimate reason to buy Vaseline. Diapers and baby-food give you membership in an exclusive cult of wholesomeness you'd otherwise never dream of having anything to do with. You're almost tempted to make eye contact. Those are fleeting years, however.
It isn't long before it's all heart medication and anti-depressants. Every now and then you throw them a curve. You know what they're thinking when you hand them the Viagra prescription; 'oh my God, this old freak is gonna be walking around with a hard on... for hours! For what?'
Don't know where it's going from here. I've been eyeballing the adult diapers. Wonder what they'll think about that?
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