How to tell who's who among America's Middle East allies

Ain't that a brain teaser?

First question is, what allies do we have in the Middle East?

Well, one of course. Our best friends in the Holy Land.

Then there's our besties in Saudi Arabia.

Any others? Well, there's all those Gulf statelets. They don't really count as independent countries. They are essentially Saudi protectorates.

Egypt? Guess that went down the drain with Mubarak.

Jordan? Hmm... maybe. But their poor King is busy trying to be friends to everybody all the time, and when push comes to shove he's not going to be a very reliable ally. Besides, what does Jordan bring to the table besides a vote at the UN?

So America has two allies in the Middle East.

Israel and Saudi Arabia. The only democracy and the biggest oil exporter.

The only democracy costs America an arm and a leg and a prothesis every year just to keep them on the friend side of the ledger. They cost the US a lot of money.

We need them to keep an eye on our only other ally, the House of Saud. We love the Saudis. They rob us blind with their over-priced oil but at least they're decent enough to buy a lot of weapons from us, and that's one of our few viable exports.

If America could break its addiction to Middle East oil we could unfriend both of them.

And America would be a better, richer, safer place.