Why I got fired from my coaching job

Way back in the day before the day, I was briefly the playing coach of an industrial league hockey team. Now that we don’t have industry anymore, this level of hockey is known as “beer league.” The reason I volunteered to “coach” was because taking on that responsibility meant you didn’t have to pitch in for ice fees, a saving of maybe five bucks a week at the time. Don’t laugh - that got you a case of beer in those days. While there was no actual coaching involved, beer league athletes being generally immune to coaching of any kind, the position did entail some responsibilities. A decent coach was expected to coral enough sponsorship to at least get a set of hockey sweaters and maybe a subsidized box of beer for the locker room on game day. So I went and chatted up Lino of Lino’s Fruits and Vegetables fame. Lino’s was a local institution and the go-to place for the freshest of fresh fruits and vegetables. Lino agreed to sponsor our team! A couple of weeks later I drag a big cardboard box into the locker room to debut the new jerseys. I got a team set in Oakland Seals colours, which was maybe not the best choice. Shoulda gone with the old reliable blue and white. But what really doomed it was the lettering on the back. “Lino’s Fruits and Vegetables.” Bags of umbrage were taken, to put it mildly. The sporting world is a somewhat macho space. It’s OK to be Sharks or Devils, but nobody wants to be known as Fruits or Vegetables. Funny thing is, today you’d be applauded for championing marginalized communities!