Just like a young girl should?

When I was in high school I had a chance to see the Rolling Stones for twenty bucks. Student council had set up an excursion whereby that twenty would get me a bus ride to Toronto and a ticket to witness history. I passed on the offer, on account that twenty bucks could get me not only the latest Stones album, but a bag of weed and a case of beer to boot. Yup, twenty bucks went a long way back in the day. Fast forward a couple of lifetimes and I’m sharing the math office with a seriously straight-laced teacher of “academic” math. He’s got the serious kids who are studying calc and trig and heading to the finest universities. I’ve got the “at risk” kids who are getting high school credits for the grade 4 math I’m teaching them. They’re heading to prison and poverty unless I can inspire them to change their trajectory. I was shocked when he told me he’d seen the Stones live. Seven times! When you look at a Stones show in the modern era, it looks like a bunch of middle aged folks at a $400 per ticket singalong. No doubt there’s a few math teachers on hand, singing along to Brown Sugar. Who knew fifty years ago that a song celebrating slavery and sexual sadism could ever become singalong material?

It don't take but a few minutes to understand each other

Eric Clapton and Chuck Berry had it right way back when.

Check it out.

That's some cool shit.

It probably couldn't happen today.

First of all, we definitely need to cancel that racist shitbag Keith Richards. Have you ever listened close to Brown Sugar?

Seriously?

And obviously, same goes for the rest of that gang of white supremacists commonly known as the Rolling Stones.

Sure, letting a Black dude take Wyman's place looks good.

But does Darryl Jones get his legit share of the gate like Bill woulda got? 

Just asking.

Anyway, that's mostly bullshit. Point is, music is music.

It brings people together.

Adult diapers and the inexorable diminishment of quality of life as one ages

I was watching a Stones concert vid from just a few years ago, and couldn't help but ruminate on the fact that, even though I'm now officially a senior citizen, all those guys could, at least theoretically, be of my father's generation.

Charlie Watt's just bought the farm at age 80. Who can imagine rocking and rolling with the greatest rock and roll band in rock and roll history at that age?

But he's gone, and millions of dollars worth of hair transplants buried with him.

What a waste.

The Rolling Stones have provided the soundtrack for the last fifty years of popular culture. They'll be touring again, sans Charlie. The ticket prices will be astronomical. No street-fighting girls and boys anywhere, except those Antifa kids with rich white parents, will be able to afford the freight.

But we love them all the same...

Aswim as we are in our grief at Charlie's passing, life goes on. I ventured forth on a junket to the Indian River Liquor Store this afternoon, to stock up on supplies for the weekend.

That's fifteen minutes one way, and another fifteen back home, for a total of a half hour round trip.

I couldn't do my half hour round trip without ducking down the Church Side-road for an emergency piss on the way home!

Adult diapers here I come!

The Beautiful People

I had no idea the official video for that tune has over 200 million views.

Holy shit... I've been sharing my insights into the state of the universe for almost ten years, and I'm not quite at half a million looks yet. This clown has 200 million looks on one single video?

Brian Warner is in a bit of hot water these days. Seems the "tortured artist" card isn't a get out of jail free card anymore. Unless you're the Rolling Stones. And nothing has tortured them for decades.

Be that as it may, Warner's shtick proved a cultural bellwether. Michael Moore turned him into a serious person with that spot on Bowling for Columbine.

He is obviously an intelligent dude. 

I think guys like Brian deserve their get out of jail free cards. After all, they provide an essential service to the ruling elite. They channel the potentially disruptive energy of disaffected youth into the bank accounts of music industry executives. 

Hey, I can think of worse outcomes...

Some happy news about the Doug Ford government

Seems Ontario MPP Lisa MacLeod gave Sens owner Eugene Melnyk a piece of her mind the other day.

She called Melnyk a "piece of shit" and a "loser."

Thanks for voicing the concerns of hundreds of thousands of Sens fans, Lisa!

And isn't that exactly what we pay MPPs for? To voice the concerns of their constituents?

Never thought I'd have anything positive to say about Doug's government, but there you go.


As an aside, isn't it precious that the Rolling Stones can bring together an NHL team owner and a member of Doug's cabinet?!

T-shirts in the headlines

Nevermind peace in the Middle East and global warming... here's some REAL news!

If Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones loves Dixie, as we are informed, how does he feel about the Confederate flag?

In my estimation you can't love Dixie without considering the Confederate flag to be just a part of the air you breathe.

But Keith is not the only T-shirt provocateur in the news today.

Nosiree!!

Justin Bieber went all the way to Australia to crash a Christian revival shin-dig to piss everybody off with his satanic T.

Yup, that's a major media platform using up bandwidth to do PR for Justin Bieber and Brian Warner and pass it off as news!

I guess we shouldn't really be blaming the media... they're just giving us what we want.

Countdown to sixty

In a couple of months I'll be a senior. Sixty. I'll be able to apply for the whatever they call it when you turn sixty.

I'm in denial.

Truth is, I'm heading headlong for one of the markers of old age, and I have yet to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

Fuck, does that ever suck.

Just recently I was toying with the idea of buying out Ernie's Fish and Chips down Chesley way. It was on the market for the longest time. Came with it's own building on the main street, with an apartment above.

I've always wanted to run a restaurant. Me and the Farm Manager could live in the apartment. She could become the Fish Manager, or maybe the Chip Manager, or even the Fish and Chips Manager.

Anyway, while I was mulling it over in my mind for months, someone more decisive swooped in and scooped Ernie's from underneath me.

I wish them well.

Bastards!

So what else is on the table when you're turning sixty?

I was hoping the Harperites would get their shit together and actually start up that long-promised ship-building program. I thoroughly enjoyed my time at Irving Shipbuilding in Saint John. I could handle an encore performance.

Unfortunately, the rate at which they're rolling that out leads me to conclude I'll be well into my 90's before they need marine steel-fitters on the project. By then it may be too late.

But maybe not. From all reports the Rolling Stones are totally rocking this latest "Zip Code" tour, and they're all in their 90's.

Maybe there's hope for me yet!

How is it even remotely possible that Green Day are in the Rock Hall of Fame but DJ Kool Herc is not?

Green Day does some really cool covers of Rolling Stones tunes. And they're very good at it. Green Day's cover of "Rip This Joint" is way better than anything the Stones ever did with that tune.

No wonder Green Day has been inducted into the Hall of Fame.

All DJ Kool Herc ever did was invent an entire new genre...

The eternal sunshine of the Rolling Stones

If I remember correctly, the name of the guy out there on Vancouver Island who did my tattoos was "Zane."

Nice work Zane. I still got 'em.

Zane had a tattoo place in Victoria, and he was a cool enough dude, but I could not for the life of me get across to him what I had in mind for that angel on my forearm.

Zane always had a few buddies hanging around, with their pit bulls and stuff. I remember going home with the cuffs of my pants shredded because all these pit bull pups had been chewing on them.

Zane played it pretty straight. Wouldn't allow you to bring your six-pack into the premises. But you could get fourteen sheets to the wind and stagger up there and he'd tattoo anything anywhere.

As long as you signed the waiver.

So I says to Zane, Dude, I want a angel like what Jimmy Page has in the middle of his records.

Zane has no clue what I'm talking about.

Fuck man, let's go to the record store. I'll show you...

So Zane on his roller skates and I skate/stroll a couple blocks and I show him the angel on those Swan Song discs.

We get back to his studio, and he's got the radio on, and a Rolling Stones tune comes on, and he's running his needle up the left leg of my angel, and he says to me "I like dancing to the Rolling Stones."

And he starts dancing.

While he's running that needle up the left leg of my angel.

Long story short, I got a few extra jabs with that tattoo needle, and while he did a great overall job on that likeness of the Swan Song angel, it appears to any casual observer to have a dick.

Yes, a male appendage.

There's a tattoo on my forearm of an angel with a fucking dick.

Thank you Zane... thank you Rolling Stones!

Fuck "rock royalty"

I was just watching a bit of video from one of the Stones' tours in South America thirty years ago.

It makes for compelling viewing.

As does Mick in 2012.

As does Mick in 1964.

And every sane person understands that it's all about Mick.

Here's where I have a problem; there are people who will happily spend $600 to see seventy-year-old Mick shake his money-maker, but they'll balk at paying a ten dollar cover to see the 18 year old next Mick Jagger at the local.

Let's get real, folks!

Give rock & roll a chance!

Let's (not) spend the night together

Here's the Rolling Stones in Brazil a hundred years ago.

If you saw them at 02 last year you'll realize that not much has changed.

You've probably got a hundred garage bands in your town that have at least as much going on as the Rolling Stones.

Why not give them a chance?

Gonna raise hell at the union hall

Frankly, Rip This Joint gets my vote as best Stones tune ever.

Watch any of the recent live versions on Youtube and see how the aging geezers can hardly keep up...

I suppose one reason I like it so much is that I raised hell at a union hall myself once.

In my voluminous archives I have a letter informing "Brother Neumann" of his lifetime ban from the premises of the Steelworkers Hall in Guelph.

It was all Igor's fault.

I can't remember precisely what it was that Igor did to antagonize me, but he'd been antagonizing me for hours, and the more beers I had at the union hall the more antagonized I got.

Finally he pushed me over the edge. I couldn't take the antagonization anymore...

I had no choice... he forced me to pour a pitcher of beer over his head.

Well, that should have been the end of it, but no!

Igor whacked me across the face with a beer glass!

I know! Who can even imagine such a thing!

A brawl ensued.

Igor got a good thrashing.

I know that isn't his story, but trust me, it's the truth.

Unfortunately, the cut that beer glass opened up over my right eye wouldn't stop bleeding.

It was eventually decided that Brother Neumann needed to go to the emergency ward for stitches.

The crew arrives at the Guelph General Hospital, and who do we run into but Igor!

He'd beat me there to get his own stitches!

Hey, how ya doin' man... sorry about your head.

Ya, I'm OK, sorry about your eye...

Long story short, me and Igor walk outta the emergency ward arm in arm, head back to the union hall, drink till closing time, bloody bandages  wrapped around our heads, and we've never had a note of animosity between us ever since!

Then two weeks later I get that snotty letter from the USW.

Has Mick Jagger had lip surgery?

Ya, I know it's right next to blasphemy to raise the subject.

But take a couple of looks at this 1978 video of the Stones in Texas.

It's from the high-water mark of the pre-historic Stones.

Having given it a couple of looks, answer me this; do Mick Jagger's lips flop around like that on the current tour?

I think not.

Surgery?

You tell me.

Jimmy Saville introduces the Rolling Stones 1964

A slice of British TV circa 1964. Click on the video.

Must say that's some mighty fine harp by Brian Jones. You can see why the band couldn't carry two front men indefinitely.