Old-time cold remedies from Falling Downs

Most winters you can get through without that seasonal affliction, the common cold, but every once in awhile it nails you. What to do?

Here's a few tips that will make your encounter with the cold brief and painless.

First of all, forget the so-called herbal remedies. That stuff is quackery. Herbs are for cooking and smoking.

One of my favorite cold medicines is the Hungaria brand pear liqueur. Don't know why this brand is more effective than any other, and it really is quite a disgusting drink in normal circumstances. However, when you're down with a bad cold it delivers an alcohol plus vitamin C combo that'll have you up and about in no time.

And while I'm not a big fan of the pharmaceutical industry, I have to say that Neo-citron and similar stuff does have some merit. You can customize it by squeezing a real lemon into it. You can customize it even more with a couple ounces of lemon gin. Then you've got something!

For a particularly stubborn cold I recommend you go the vaporizer route. You don't need an actual vaporizer; any saucepan and a hotplate will do. Drop a tablespoon of Vick's Vap-o-rub into a couple inches of water and boil 'er down. Build yourself a little tent out of a bedsheet or a big bath towel, and you're good to go.

The astute reader will realize that we've got the makings of a hotbox there, and if you've got anything else to put on that hot-plate, be my guest. After all, if you have a sore throat already you should probably put the rolling papers away for a few days.

A word of caution though; mind that you don't over-do it and pass out onto the hot-plate. You'll look like an idiot with those element-shaped burn scars on your face for the rest of your life.

There you have it, a cold remedy for every occassion. I'm just settin' up the hotplate under the computer desk right now.

My sinuses feel clearer already.