Last election before armegeddon

I'm watching my election coverage on the Fox network.

That is the network of choice for paranoid folks who are pre-disposed to have apocalyptic delusions.

Like me.

But I live in south Ontario, a couple of hours north west of the Great Toronto Area, and two hours from the nearest border crossing, so why do I give a shit?

Well, if the Rominator wins, I'll be less likely to succumb to an Iranian nuke attack.

The probability will possibly go down by as much as .00000000000001 per cent.

But probability is probability.

I'd just feel safer with the Mittster.

Hey, would that not have made a great slogan?

Memnonically that's a winner; BE SAFER WITH THE MITTSTER.

How is it even possible that I ended up with a welding career when I could have been rocking Madison Ave?

Why waste billions on elections when you can just do this?

There was a number floating around today about the total cost of Tuesday's election.

Six billion dollars.

For that money, you'll either have corporate bum-boy Romney or corporate bum-boy lite Obama for President the next four years. Either way it'll be government by corporate bum-boy, for the benefit of the corporations and the 1%ers who own them.

Meanwhile, over in Egypt that country's eight million strong Coptic Christian community elected themselves a new pope today. A blindfolded kid picked a name out of a goldfish bowl.

Total cost? Well under five bucks for both the bowl and the blindfold.

I'm thinking that system would work just as well in US politics. Throw the names of the contenders in a hat, have a blindfolded kid pick the winner.

Done!

Six billions saved, which you can throw against the deficit right away.

Maybe do a reality series on how the kid gets selected. That could be a revenue generator too.

"President Picker."

By God that's got a ring to it. How about a spin-off; "President Picker's Apprentice."

I think we're onto something here folks! Wonder if I can interest Trump in putting up the seed capital...

Giuliani may be yesterday's man but still craves the limelight

There he was on CNN with that Brit who got Larry Kings time slot, railing against Obama.

Obama failed in Benghazi blah blah blah failed the people of New York City blah blah blah...

Oh give it a rest Rudy! Who gives a shit what you think?

Maybe that Brit, but you've got no constituency otherwise.

Rudy spends his days conning naive clients into retaining his lobby firm to wield its ever-diminishing influence on their behalf.

Meanwhile, current mayor Mike demonstrated how light he is on his feet (not to be confused with being "light in the loafers") by cancelling the New York Marathon this afternoon after assuring the world it was on right till he announced it wasn't.

That's a fellow who knows which way the wind is blowing.

Bloomberg and Republican governor of New Jersey Chris Christie (never accused of being light either in his loafers or on his feet, by the way...) both endorsed the black dude this week.

No wonder Rudy is shouting in his interview!

Ann Romney's speech

She loves you women and she hears your voices!

My God is she good!

What the hell is she doing with that asshole?

She's singing the praises of America's women... why couldn't Mitt do that?

All those little things that just used to be free... like school sports...

Oh, you mean back in the day when people paid taxes?

Ya, we should get to know Mitt. We should get to know his tax returns too. Why does your hubby have so much to hide, Ann?

And your father-in-law never went to college, and instead became a carpenter and then the head of a car company and then Governor of Michigan!

Just like that!

And she's still in love with the boy she met at a high school dance.

No one will work harder to make America a better place to live. For him and his family at least.

Do we want our children to be afraid of success?

Of course not!

Values, hard work, and HE BUILT IT!!!

She was there when Mitt and a small group of friends had a dream to start a business. With the financial backing of some sketchy South Americans with lots of extra cash, they set up a hedge fund.

Give, and it shall be given unto you.

That small company they started has helped so many Americans. It has helped even more Mexicans. This is the man America and Mexico needs.

This is the man who will help others so that we don't have to help ourselves...

Say what?... you're losing me Ann...

This man will not fail?.... this man will lift up America?.... you mean lift it up and set 'er down south of the Rio Grande?...

I can trust Mitt?....

Give Mitt a chance... he took me home from the dance and got in my pants... hey wait a minute...

Do I really want Mitt in my pants?

Tampa blockbuster: Romney dumps Ryan for Jacob Zuma!

Reliable sources have revealed that Romney is planning to dump his running mate of two weeks when he makes his acceptance speech on Thursday.

Romey's advisors believe that with only two months to go before the election Ryan hasn't caused enough of a bump in polling numbers, and it's not too late to correct the Ryan mistake.

The decision to draft Jacob Zuma will be controversial among some, probably because he's a foreign national. This is not necessarily true. Independent researchers have proof that Zuma was actually born in Hawaii.

Furthermore, Romney will be comfortable with the fact that Zuma has four wives, which is in keeping with Mitt's religious tradition.

Zuma also has an outlook on gender relations that should appeal to the conservative base of the GOP. Just a few days ago he claimed in an interview that it is not right for women not to have children.

The fact that Zuma presents as a black man won't hurt either. Not sure what the advisors were thinking when they chose a guy even whiter than Romney as a running mate. That is so 1956.

Look for the polls to show a "Zuma bump" in September.

Tampa shocker: Romney to dump Ryan, draft Jacob Zuma for VP

Occasionally reliable sources have revealed that Romney is planning to dump his running mate of two weeks at the Tampa convention.

The reason is that Romey's advisors believe that with only two months to go before the election Ryan hasn't caused enough of a bump in polling numbers, and it's not too late to correct the Ryan mistake.

The decision to draft Jacob Zuma will be controversial among some, probably because he's a foreign national. This is not necessarily true. Independent researchers have proof that Zuma was actually born in Hawaii.

Furthermore, Romney will be comfortable with the fact that Zuma has four wives, which is in keeping with Mitt's religious tradition.

Zuma also has an outlook on gender relations that should appeal to the conservative base of the GOP. Just yesterday he claimed in an interview that it is not right for women not to have children.

The fact that Zuma presents as a black man won't hurt either. Not sure what the advisors were thinking when they chose a guy even whiter than Romney as a running mate. That is so mid-twentieth century.

Look for the polls to show a "Zuma bump" in September.

Sharia Legal System set to take over America

Oh for fucks sakes, give your head a shake.

I'm watching a CNN doc about how Sharia law is making inroads.

It's all about a lot of regular folks who are having hard times. And rather than credit the hard times to where credit is due, we're going to blame the Muslim immigrants.

Hard times are what happens when the Romney's of this world move your job to Mexico or China.

It's not about your Muslim neighbors.

Mitt Romney's foot-in-mouth world tour

David Frum, please come out of your self-imposed semi-retirement and take over the speech-writing duties on the Romney campaign.

The guy is obviously writing his own stuff, and I'm afraid things are going from bad to worse.

There he was snuggled up between Bibi and Sheldon yesterday, and the speech he made seemed to forget that there might have been others listening besides Bibi and Sheldon.

Mind you, that 100 million dollar carrot that Sheldon's been dangling in front of the Mormon may have impacted his judgement somewhat.

I can tell you that the Jewish farm manager was so pissed off by Romney's speech she threw her shoes at the television. At least that takes a bit of heat off me.

I guess it would have been impolite, when in the presence of the two greatest living Jews, to bring up the fact that Jews are setting themselves alight in the Jewish homeland these days because the likes of Adelson and the politicians his money can buy have created a state in which those not born rich are destined to get poorer.

To say nothing about the finger in the eye Romney managed to give every Arab who might have heard his speech.

Before that, he spent a few hours in London astonishing everyone with the sheer imbecility of his opinions. He's just landed in Poland, where aside from the aging and semi-senile Lech Walensa, he will soon find that the Poles are way past being talked down to by rich presidential wannabe twats from America.

Obama, all you have to do to win this one is shut up and let Romney keep talking.

Democracy raising its pungent blossoms everywhere

I was reading today where the citizens of Libya were "jubilant" about the   election they had on the 7th.

Jubilant no less!

Well, America has the big one coming up in November, and I think it's time to pay attention.

Ya, I admit the think tank here at Falling Downs was on top of things for a while, back when the Newtster and the Herminator were still in the game.

But when the "corporations are people too" twat took the game away from them... well, we kind of lost interest.

But we're in the home stretch now.

Democracy shamocracy!...

I see where last month Obama raised 75 million for his campaign.

But yowzee, Romney raised 106 million!

It's all about the money, apparently.

But I think America is worshiping false gods...

Corporations are not people.

America used to be the greatest country in the world.

Wake up!

What's 'news' in America?

First off, Lin-Lo had some sort of accident.

Not that that's never happened before, but this time it was really serious. Apparently she left the scene in a Cadillac Escalade after running her Porsche into the back of a truck.

Which is quite unlike anything I would ever do under those circumstances.

I remember just last month, when I ran my truck into the back of a Porsche, I had to hop into my crew's Escalade just to make a quick get-away.

So obviously that's a big news story.

And let's have a pause for the reverend Creflo Dollar.

Those of you who are not on the side of Jesus may not be acquainted with the Cre-meister.

The Dollar-man runs a few churches and preaches the good word and has been laid low by his 15 year old daughter who claims he gave her a swat while they were arguing about whether she should attend a party...

Anybody who ever had a fifteen year old daughter has wanted to give her a swat. For the most part we are able to overcome the urge. For a man of the cloth to succumb to the urge requires, at the very least, an act of contrition.

So come on Creflo, say "sorry" and get over it. You know she's going to the friggin' party whether you like it or not.

But I find it odd that those are two of the biggest stories in the mainstream news at this very moment.

How is the national deficit coming along?

Getting bigger? Getting smaller?

How's Mitt's "corporations are people too" campaign going?

Frankly, I'm still in shock that he got out of that one without tar and feathers.

Corporations are people too?

Kiss.

My.

Ass.

America lets this twat be the Republican nominee?

America deserves everything it gets...

Adelson, Trump, Romney... this election story is getting interesting again!

It's a big day for the Mittster. Not only is he going to Gingrich's bagman on bended knee looking for a blank check, but he's also got a fund-raiser going on with Donald Trump!

He's trying to wrap up the entire nut-wing of the GOP in one day!

Have to admit I kind of lost interest in the 2012 race around the time Slick Rick Santorum and the old carpet-bagger bowed out.

Trump was never a serious candidate.

Mind you, I'm not sure how serious Newt was either.

I mean really, are there THAT many stupid people in America?

But Adelson gave him 20 million bucks. Obviously Adelson thought there were that many stupid people in America, and Sheldon Adelson's got the track record to prove that he knows a lot more about stupid people than I do.

They've made him a billionaire, after all!

Once Romney was the obvious shoe-in I kind of gave up. After all, when a guy who can stand in front of TV cameras and proclaim that "corporations are people too" becomes the GOP candidate we truly are in a brave new world.

Almost makes you pine for Ronald Reagan.

Gingrich campaign running on empty as Adelson flirts with Romney

It's pretty much over for Newt.

It wasn't that long ago that Sheldon Adelson stated that he was prepared to put another 100 million into the Gingrich campaign. Seems he's had a change of heart.

Newt pink-slipped at least a third of his campaign team today because he can't afford to pay them. Obviously Adelson refuses to throw good money after bad.

Meanwhile there are all kinds of reports floating around about chummy get-togethers between various Adelson reps and people in the Romney campaign.

Looks like Sheldon's next 100 million is going somewhere else.

Hillbilly blogger scoops Santorum victory

Ya folks. We had it pegged here at Falling Downs way before any of the big dogs.

So what does this Santorum victory portend?

Fucked if I know.

And a big fat sorry to all you Bible folks who are uncomfortable with that turn of phrase.

Fucked if I know.

Santorum is the voice of the "Evangelical right."

I've been in and out of the "evangelical right" depending on how Jesus feels about me on any given day, and I have to say it is more than scary to imagine that we could have a guy in the White House who will leave the decision about pushing the big red button up to Jesus.

If the Gospels are to be believed, Jesus was a pretty cool dude.

Turn the other cheek, go the extra mile. All that socialist shit that you find in the Bible if you actually take the trouble to read it.

That ain't Sanctorum's Bible.

Santorum sweeps trailer states

Alabama and Mississippi.

Where God hates homos and feminists. He's undecided about Blacks.

Those folks know their stuff. Evolution in the classroom? Not so fast you pointy-headed fag science teachers...

Does it not say right there in the Bible that GOD CREATED HEAVEN AND EARTH?

So, you're saying God's word is not good enough for you?

No wonder America is in the dumpster...

How to make the price of gas go down

I was reading where Obama drops a couple percentage points in the polls evey time the price of gas goes up. He's going to be the "gas president!" What a legacy!

Now the price of gas going up is a favorite focus of armchair economists everywhere, me included. Who benefits from the price of gas going up? Well, in the first place, it's your big multi-national oil companies.

Exxon and all her little brothers and sisters have oil wells all over the world that were profitable when oil was twelve dollars a barrel.

Now that oil is $120 a barrel, do you think it is more profitable or less profitable for Exxon and the other sisters?

I remember when the first wave of Alberta oil sands development was coming off the drawing boards and into the oil-field service shops that I worked in. $12 a barrel was the magic number.  No wonder they're expanding those tar-sands as fast as they can; if they were breaking even at twelve bucks a barrel, what are they doing now?

Meanwhile, we've got an entirely new dimension to consider; fracked shale.

Nobody has any idea how big that's gonna get. Some of your more educated states have concluded that when fracking chemicals show up in drinking water, that's a cause for putting a moritorium on fracking. Luckily the oil industry can then move right along to the next state, where they don't rush to such hasty conclusions.

Bottom line, thanks to fracking technology, ( and so sorry about your tap water, but I'm sure there's no connection...) America is awash in energy as never before!

Well, it's about that global oil market. As you know, way too much of that global oil has to pass through the Straits of Hormuz just to get to your local gas station. And we all know who is on the other side of those Straits.

Iran.

Everytime somebody in the GOP race makes idle threats against Iran, oil traders bid up the price of oil. Everytime Obama talks about all options on the table, oil traders bid up the price of oil. Everytime Netanyahu invokes his holocaust vocabulary to talk about Iran, oil traders bid up the price of oil.

Want lower gas prices?

Stop talking shit about Iran!

52% of Mississippi Republicans believe Obama is a Muslim

That's according to a poll released today.

That puts Mississippi in a class by itself. In no other state does the Obama-is-a-Muslim tent hold over half the GOP voters.

Obviously the good folks in Mississippi don't go in for that fancy-pants news spin that's peddled by your pointy-headed elites.

And that's not the only measure by which Mississippi is in a class by itself.

Mississippi leads all states in infant mortality. Mississippi has the lowest teachers' salaries, the fewest number of university graduates, among the poorest results of any measure of education outcomes and the lowest median household income in the entire country.

Someone with an interest in connecting the dots might be able to make a  case for a causal relationship between lack of education, poverty, and the appeal of discredited political rumors.

It won't be me though. I don't want to stand accused of being a pointy-headed elitist.

Santorum sweeps Kansas

Kansas, also known as "the land that time forgot", has come through for Rick Santorum.

Santorum's campaign was aided mightily by the endorsements of Dorothy and the Tin Man. Apparently the cowardly Lion threw in with the Romney camp.

Kansas has a large percentage of so-called Christian conservatives who are naturally attracted to certain aspects of the Santorum schtick. There's a mellow yearning for the certitudes of the Eisenhower era, when gays and women and blacks all knew their place.

They're also cool with Santorum's foreign policy ideas, which harken back to a mythical bygone era. Santorum appeals to folks who think America has always been God's blunt instrument on earth. Not quite the "chosen people", but certainly the people chosen to make sure the chosen people can do as they please.

It is written, after all...

Newt pisses off Christians by claiming Catholics are Christians too

Newt, the serial adulterer, is striking out in his attempt to reach the evangelical demographic in the deep South.

He makes one statement after another equating the Church of Rome with Christianity.

As all true Christians know, papists are not true Christians.

And if Newt Gingrich was a true Christian, he'd know that already.

The Pope-worshiping hordes who profess fealty to Rome are not Christians.

They are Satanists.

Romney touches up fake accent on tour of Southern States

Mitt is working hard on losing his Canadian accent.

He was working hard on his "y'alls" today in preparation for the Alabama and Mississippi primaries.

Y'all come on down and vote fer yer uncle Mitt!

C'mon y'all, corporations are people too!

Y'all must be dumber than a post if ya do. Y'all gotta keep in mind that Mitty done made himself hundreds of millions shuttin' down yer factories and sendin' the jobs somewhere else.

And y'all should keep in mind that Mitt is keen, real keen, on bringing us into another war in the Middle East.

He's not about appeasing those Persian towellers like Obama been doin'. No siree, Mitt's gonna open up a big fat can 'o whup-ass on those folks.

So give yer head a shake and vote for Mitt!

That Mormon got moxie!

Mitt's not lying when he says he was "in" the economy

Mitt Romney recently claimed that one of the key differences between himself and his GOP rivals was the fact that he actually had some experience as an operator in the economy.

Those other guys might have thought about it, wrote about it, brain-stormed about it, lost sleep about it, but Mitt was different because he was "in" the economy.

Was he ever! Nobody is in the economy like our friends in the vulture capitalist crowd. They're in there looting and pillaging and shutting down and out-sourcing and maximizing their profits.

It's the American way!