Monday, February 29, 2016

Clarence Thomas stuns Supreme Court by waking up, questioning lawyers

Supreme Court insiders are agog today over the fact that Justice Clarence Thomas actively participated in a court hearing for the first time in ten years!

Justice Thomas has always claimed that his silence is due to the fact that he relies on written arguments in rendering his decisions and therefore does not find it necessary to participate in court proceedings. Insiders note that while that excuse may bear an element of truth, the reality is that Thomas has snoozed through the great majority of court hearings over the past ten years.

Lawyers appearing before the court have often been astounded at the sight of Justice Thomas slumped in his chair with his eyes closed and his mouth open. "If his snoring got too loud or he started drooling, Scalia would gently elbow him in the ribs to wake him," one insider revealed.

Perhaps the passing of Justice Scalia has caused Thomas to approach his judicial duties with renewed vigour. After all, he is now the point man for the Court's right wing, and there's nothing snooze-worthy about that.

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