Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Welcome to the Kemble Emporium

Here it is.

This is a vacant storefront in the heart of Kemble. It used to be the general store in Kemble, but it has long since given up the ghost in favor of the Walmarts of this world.

I've been brainstorming like crazy with my pal Susan M, a Kemble lifer, on how we might be able to repurpose this old general store into a tavern/roadhouse/wine bar.

It's on offer, along with the house next door, for a paltry $129 thousands.

We been brainstorming pretty hard, and we can see the Kemble Impouring'em rising. First of all, we'll be the only liquor establishment between Owen Sound and Wiarton, at least if you take the scenic route. That's gotta be good news not only to thirsty locals, but to the folks from away en route to their million dollar summer homes on the water.

Secondly, that second house on the property really opens up some options. That could be a B&B. We're thinking we could offer up a special deal, where every hundred dollar bar tab gets you a free night's lodging at the Bed and Breakfast next door!

What a brilliant cross-marketing strategy! Don't worry about your excess alcohol consumption; we got a free pillow waiting for you at the end of the evening!

The Farm Manager is aboard too, and she'd be a valuable asset. All I know about wine is some is red and some is white. She actually knows all those fancy French names for them.

Like Peeno Greejio and Shablee and shit.

That looks to me like a space where you'd have more than enough room to have a little live entertainment, and the local area is chock full of A1+ musical types. Within a half hour drive we got everybody from the Becketts to the guy who played keyboards on a couple of Pink Floyd albums. Open mic night is gonna be spectacular!

Here's another salient fact; depending on how you read the maps, we are hard by the Bruce Trail! Just imagine all those super-thirsty and extra hungry hikers trekking past the front door! Hell, we could charge twenty bucks for a bag of Doritos and a bottle of water and they'd be thanking us!

And here's the coup de ville; the unsuspecting tourist stops in for wings and a jug of beer on Friday afternoon, and before they know it, they're waking up in their "free" lodgings on Sunday morning, and the Kemble United Methodist Pentecostal Unitarian Catholic Church is a mere lurch across the way!

Yup, we got you covered at the Kemble Emporium!

No comments:

Post a Comment