Sunday, April 20, 2014

Enema Action: The Journal of Geriatric Nursing

If you're looking for poo-porn you're in the wrong place.

This is a serious academic journal dedicated to the science of geriatric nursing.

We are dedicated to the professionals who wipe the drool from my chin and the ka-ka from my butt-crack.

And by the way, I'd like to apologize to the afternoon shift at Gateway Acres for the difficulties encountered on Saturday afternoon. It wasn't my idea to feature the cheese souffle on the breakfast menu.

But this is what I love about you PSW professionals. Nobody raised an eyebrow over the obvious difficulties I was enduring. You just allowed that turtle head free reign. Thanks again for the four hours you spent professionally coaxing mister turtle to freedom.

Which brings me to the subject of academic journals. I'm so happy that Enema Action has found traction among the dedicated professional shit and drool wiping PSWs who are the back-bone of professional nursing home staff.

As Editor-in-Chief of Enema Action, I applaud your efforts to professionalize your profession. And a good top-drawer professional journal serves that cause more effectively than you could possibly imagine.

I realize that some of you have looked askance at that $500 article submission fee. Bear in mind that when the editorial committee selects your article for publication in Enema Action, you will be paid a $50 publication fee, putting you, the published author, $50 ahead of the losers who paid five hundred bucks to NOT have their mundane insights into geriatric care published.

Don't worry, this pay-to-publish nonsense is becoming the norm in academic journals.

You may not like it, but that's the way the scro is swingin' in the modern age of academic journals. It's becoming a pay-to-play world.

That's what Sarah Kendzior and others of her ilk fail to appreciate. Instead of moaning about their bad luck and writing innumerable articles for AJE and Huff Post for free, she should just cough up the money and get published in a reputable journal like Enema Action.

For real. And when we get enough publication fees, we're gonna start the journal.


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