Those thin and crunchy pretzel crackers are actually making lots of lawyers lots of money these days.
I wouldn't be a bit surprised if Bad Vlad himself is behind this assault on the American tradition of pretzels.
And pretzel crackers of course.
This controversy is not to be confused with the well known Cracker pretzel crisis.
That's where your trailer trash Crackers are too busy with their meth labs to bother cooking up wholesome meals for their young 'uns, and therefore feed them a steady diet of pretzel crackers.
Ya, I know it sounds messed up, but poor white folks are like that. They'll feed their kids pretzel crackers till they tip the scales at "morbidly obese," and then they expect society to pay for their mistakes...
That's goddamn communism if you ask me!
Meanwhile, on the other side of the tracks, the colored folks are bringing their young 'uns up on watermelons and collard greens, and by Jeezus if that ain't a diet that's come to dominate the NBA and the NFL!
So if you're bothered when the arseholes down there in Alabama are making a big stinkaroo about a T-shirt with a black dude eating a watermelon, just send them a copy of this blog-post.