Saturday, November 19, 2011

Canada plans billion dollar palace for Defense Department

The Department of National Defense announced today that they will spend upwards of a billion dollars to relocate to the former Nortel site just outside of Ottawa.

A spokesperson for Minister of Defense Peter "Pinocchio" MacKay told a news conference that the purpose of the expenditure was to save money. Apparently the Ministry will be able to close 48 other headquarters once they have opened this one. The Canadian military is famous for its vast real estate holdings, having at last count at least 21,000 properties across the nation, or one property for every three soldiers.

This has resulted in a situation where the armed forces are stretched thin just guarding their own property, let alone standing on guard for the nation. The spokesperson pointed out that the plethora of properties was at one time seen as a strategic advantage. "Back in the Cold War days we deliberately pursued a strategy of having multiple headquarters" the spokesperson said. "The Ruskies could never figure out where the actual command and control centers were."

Meanwhile MacKay, in Halifax for a photo-op with US Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta, reiterated Canada's commitment to the F-35 strike fighter, or the "pig that won't fly" as it is known in USAF circles not yet infiltrated by Lockheed Martin lobbyists.

 "Having all our top people in one headquarters won't make us sitting ducks" MacKay said, "because we're spending 18 billion on those new fighter jets to defend it."

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