Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The bullshitter's ultimate dream job: economist

I've said it before but it bears repeating; some jobs are easier to bullshit than others.

Therapists of all stripes pretty much have carte blanche to make stuff up. After all, that person in the chair across from you is already screwed in the head - how are they gonna know?

Financial analyst. Look at Jim Cramer. He was flogging Lehman Brothers shares on national TV till the day the wheels fell off. Did that hurt his career?

Or how about political commentator? I was listening to Charles Krauthammer for a spell last night. It's obvious the man inhabits some mysterious parallel universe, but by golly he's made a good career out of it.

But the pinnacle of the shit pile has to belong to the economist. And when you get really really good at it, you'll become a senior economist, just like Todd Hirsch at ATB Financial.

Hirsch is without a doubt a glass-half-full kind of guy. Hell, he sees the glass half full even after you've smashed it and used the shards to slash your wrists!

Hirsch has figured out why America's unemployment rate is so high; it's the government's extension of unemployment benefits beyond 26 weeks! And all along I thought it was because there weren't enough jobs. What a stunned twat I am!

Not to worry though. Hirsch has given his crystal ball a good rub and he sees nothing but happy days ahead.

When extended benefits run out for ten million Americans, they're going to take the jobs they've been turning their noses up at while lounging around waiting for the next government check: gas station attendant and pizza delivery! I'm not making this up; Hirsch's insights appear on page A13 of today's Globe and Mail.

Here's how things will shake out under Hirsch's plan for economic recovery:

Smart workers in these menial jobs will say "I can do this differently" or "I have an idea that will revolutionize pizza delivery."

That will inspire an entire new economy!

Yup. If you or I said it, folks would just tell us we're full of shit.

But when a "senior economist" is full of shit, he's given a column in a national newspaper from which to spray it around.

1 comment:

  1. This was one of the best things Ive read in a fucking long time! Thanks Man!