What's so tough about Canada's tough new sanctions on Iran?

We've already seen the standard fare: blocking bank accounts in Canada held by bigwigs in the Revolutionary Guards.

Number of Canadian bank accounts ever held by bigwigs in the Revolutionary Guards?

Zero.

So the sanctions announced by Foreign Minister John Baird today are going to hit the towellers where it hurts. The new sanctions will include the following:

• total ban on oil exports to Iran. While it's true that nobody actually wants Canada's dirty oil, at least we know the Iranians aren't going to get their grubby nuclear-weapon-seeking hands on it.
• total ban on maple syrup. That'll teach the towel-heads. No more of the good stuff on your morning pancakes. You'll have to settle for that Aunt Jemima faux syrup that our less committed American neighbors still make available.
• complete ban on pork exports to Iran. Good luck finding a BLT or a pulled pork sandwich in Tehran after this.
• ban on export of Celine Dionne CD's. What are you going to play at your weddings now, People of the Towel?
• total ban on Canadian nuclear technology. That's a grey area. We gave all our Canadian nuclear technology away to India and Pakistan to enable their nuclear weapons programs. If the Iranians can't get it from us they can always get it from them.
• Leaf's season tickets will no longer be sold to known members of the Revolutionary Guards. 

I think when they have a chance to mull that over the Iranians will see we're not kidding around. We are the Canadians. We punch above our weight all the time and we mean business. We don't cut and run, unless it becomes politically expedient for us to do so.

So shape up, you Iranians. You don't want to risk an even tougher round of sanctions from the biggest hypocrites in the world.