Sunday, August 9, 2015

Breakfast with Kipling

Two or three times a year I have breakfast with Kipling.

That's a tradition that goes back forty years or more.

Regular readers will remember Kipling as the guy who keeps a freezer full of urine samples on hand just in case he gets called in for a surprise drug test.

He's got the whole routine nailed down... how to get those freezer samples to body temperature between your house and the lab.

But I digress...

Kipling got the farmer breakfast with white toast and eggs easy over.

I got the farmer breakfast with rye toast and a extra egg.

The thing I hate about Kipling is that he just has to reminisce.

I'll be working hard to forget all that shit that he works really hard to remember.

"Remember when you kicked that bouncer in the balls ha ha ha ?"

Well ya... I do. And I also remember running for my life down Waterloo Avenue with the footsteps of the other bouncers ringing all too loudly in my ears... I ran and ran and ran till I didn't hear no footsteps no more...

Kipling was happy to remind me that it was he who instigated that particular brouhaha.

Ya, it might be funny today, but it wasn't all that hilarious when I was hoofing it down Waterloo Ave in front of three guys determined to kill me. And when I say "down Waterloo Ave" I mean I was running down the middle of the street in the middle of traffic... a desperate fear-crazed hillbilly with three gun, club, and knife-wielding Manor bouncers in hot pursuit.

And he's got some great reminiscences of Hangin' Hank Howitt.

Seems that in his youth young Kipling more than a few times delivered his buddies to the courthouse, me included, on account of the fact that they'd be going straight to jail and would perforce be forced to leave their ride in the parking lot.

That would inevitably result in a towing charge, storage charge, and all those other charges that accumulate when you leave your vehicle in the courthouse parking lot. Trust me; I know what I'm talking about.

Hank might render you seven days and $150 for your most recent indiscretion, but when your seven days were up, getting your car out of the pound was gonna cost $1500.

And here's the other thing about reminiscing over breakfast. Kipling can stretch two eggs and four pieces of white toast into a four hour adventure! Holy Christ, he can pretty much make a day of it!

But it's worth it!

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