My brief and unhappy relationship with "Peaches"

Ya, I know what you're thinking... the fucking idiot got involved with a stripper.

No, I've always hewed close to the advice of my good buddy Conrad the Librarian; "don't invite strippers to your place for the weekend when your wife is away, 'cause they rob all your stuff."

But my brother "the Kid" wasn't privy to that good advice. Used to frequent the pole artistes every year just after harvest time. He'd take them out on the town two at a time in a rented limo. Lived the high life for a month or so and then he'd be broke and they'd be gone.

But this ain't about that.

Peaches was a beagle. A hunting hound. Most loyal dog in the world till the moment she caught a scent.

Then she be gone.

So the first year me and the Farm Manager were getting acquainted we rent this little cabin on the French River. Just me and her and her two dogs, Rufus and Doofus, and my dog Peaches.

As I recall, we hadn't been there 24 hours when Peaches caught a scent.

She was gone.

I'd like to say we looked for her everywhere but there wasn't anywhere to look. We got to our cabin via a half hour trek through the woods. Once we were there we used the boat for all our outings. If Peaches wasn't on that trail we had no idea where she could be.

We lit a candle in her honor.

We mourned the loss of Peaches.

We put up "lost dog" posters at the dock.

Then we started to get tips. Somebody had seen Peaches getting into a boat going to one of the resorts out on the French River.

We followed that up.

The gal transporting American tourists out to that resort had brought Peaches back to the mainland and left her with her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend was a hi-hoe operator based in Port Loring.

We take a day to drive out to Port Loring, which is not a port of any sort, and we hunt down the domicile of the hi-hoe guy.

Yup, he had Peaches sitting on his lap for a couple of days right there in the cab of the hi-hoe.

Then she caught a scent...

She be gone!

We get back to our dock just as the boat is coming in from that resort. Twenty middle-aged white folks from Ohio get off the boat.

And here comes Peaches.

She'd found her way back to that resort and was hanging out with those nice folks from Ohio all along!