Saturday, October 26, 2013

Fly Boko Haram

Nigerian terror outfit Boko Haram and representatives of President Hardluck Jonathan have announced that Boko Haram will henceforth manage the nation's Aviation Ministry.

The parties have been in negotiations for months since it came out that even after the marked increase in terror attacks, Nigerians are more likely to die in a plane crash than a terror attack.

In return, Boko Haram will allow disgraced Aviation Minister Stella Oduah to be seconded to the extremists, where she will take up her duties as... Aviation Minister!

Oduah has been much in the spotlight since it was revealed that she authorized the purchase of two BMW 750 sedans for her personal use with $1.6 million (US) of government funds. These are not mere German luxury sedans; they feature the latest advancements in armour-plating, as befits a minister who presides over one of the most accident-prone aviation sectors in the world.

"Of course this is an appropriate expenditure of state revenue," the embattled Oduah told reporters. "It is a part of my official responsibilities to visit many far-flung facilities across this land, and all things considered, I'm sure as hell not going to fly there... do I look crazy?"

Critics pounced on the purchase, pointing out that in addition to not being an astute steward of her Ministry, Oduah is not an astute shopper to boot. Those armoured BMW's that she paid $800 thousands each for are readily available for a quarter of that sum in Europe and America.

Replied Oduah, "this line of reasoning is nonsense. I don't live in Miami, I live in Nigeria - of course it costs more to bring in an armoured BMW! Are people stupid?"

More than 60% of Nigerians live on less than $1 per day. Judging by the outrage that Oduah has provoked, no, those people aren't stupid.

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