Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Montreal wedding

We're a little behind with the wood this year.

Mind you, we were completely run out by this time last year, which resulted in a oil bill of over $4000 by the time spring rolled around.

When you're the guy responsible for getting the wood into the house, that $4000 oil bill does not help a marriage. Instead, it tends to foster all sorts of sarcastic banter, mostly at my expense.

But speaking of marriage, let's get back to Montreal!

Been there for a couple of weddings.

Dixie and Ron got married at a hotel by the Dorval Airport. Well, they didn't get married in the hotel per se... they tied the knot in a really nice church downtown.

But the reception was out by the airport.

Wood heating is a funny thing. It's very cost efficient, unless you start to factor in your own labour in falling the trees, cutting the trees, splitting the wood, loading the truck, fixing the truck when it breaks down between the woodlot and the house, unloading the truck, piling the firewood in the woodshed, hand-bombing the wood into the basement, and so on...

When you do the math on all that, electric heat suddenly seems like a smart choice!

So all I remember about the wedding is that most of the wedding party partied at my room at the hotel, and the marriage itself didn't last very long.

Which is too bad. I liked Ron; I liked Dixie. You don't even want to cheer for anybody.

It's just a sad thing.

And I'll tell you another sad thing; the number of guys who get killed by logging mishaps when they're taking down trees! I didn't even factor that in to the above calculations!

Why is it always guys who die in chain-saw accidents? Where do all the feminists suddenly disappear to when it's time to drop that 60 foot elm?

They may be equal, but they're not stupid.

Then there was that other Montreal wedding, and I am happy to report that this one has stood the test of time, and survives to this day.

This was in one of those posh English-speaking suburbs, and since this was a relative of mine I was a little taken aback by that, but nevertheless, it was a classy affair.

It's nice to be invited to one of those once in awhile.

It was my Prussian-German-Schwabian-Canadian cousin Wolfgang, who now lives in one of those posh English suburbs in the biggest French-Canadian city in the land, hooking up with his Egyptian-Canadian girlfriend.

We are super multi-culti in my family!

So me and cousin Johnny motored up to Montreal together. I picked him up at his place in Toronto, and our first stop was a liquor store around the corner where Johnny picked up two cases of Grolsch tallboys.

Our next stop was Montreal, where, upon opening the door of the Subaru, empty Grolsch cans cascaded into the parking lot at our hotel.

So, having a Montreal wedding is a 50/50 kind of deal.

Might work.

Might not.

As for the wood thing, I look at it this way.

I'm outta the house.

The freedom is exhilarating. If I want to spend all day fixing a ten-minute problem, that's what I do. It's a dog-fuckers dream life!

Chain saws, wood-splitters, trucks are inherently cool.

The house just smells nicer when you heat with wood.

Add all that together, and it's worth way more than $4000!


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