Saturday, June 20, 2015

Killing Cupcake

My friend Martin is responsible for this.

Martin is a back-to-the-land kinda guy. Ran for the Greens in the last election.

Me and a couple of dozen other people voted for him.

He didn't make it into parliament.

Cupcake was a sheep who thought she was a dog. The reason Cupcake thought she was a dog is all because of Martin.

I'm fully acquainted with animals who think they're something they're not. Once when Junior was little we brought home a almost-hatched chicken egg when school let out for the summer vacation. Set that egg under my desk lamp. Sure enough, it hatched!

Once you get over the miracle of reproduction, you gotta ask yourself, now what? So I've got this tiny baby chicken following me all around the house, and that's exactly what I'm thinking...

Now what?

So we go to the chicken hatchery down in Hanover. I want to buy one or two baby chickens. The folks there look at me like I'm fucked in the head. They're used to selling baby chickens to big-time chicken farmers by the tens of thousands.

And here's this dumb-fuck standing there who wants to buy one or two baby chickens?

Whereas I hatched a baby chicken who thought it was a human, Martin raised a sheep to think it was a dog. Cupcake was rejected by its sheep mama, but glory be, it was accepted by the family dog! So from its earliest times, Cupcake followed the dog around. It came in the house with the dog, went out to play with the dog, fetched sticks with the dog...

When the dog ran off and had to be repatriated by the SPCA, Cupcake was right there with her!

When the dog was snoozing away the afternoon on the living room couch, Cupcake was snoozing away on the other end of the couch!

Trouble was, Cupcake didn't remain a cute baby lamb. Cupcake got bigger than the family dog. Suddenly, Cupcake leaving a pile of sheep turds on the living room rug wasn't funny any more.

Cupcake had to go.

And just this week, she did.

I'm hoping for an invite to the BBQ.

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