Friday, May 2, 2014

Waiting for "the big one"

Redd Foxx was one of the funniest guys in the history of funny. His Sanford and Son sitcom was must-watch viewing back in the day.

His guest spots on Flip Wilson's show were piss-your-pants funny too. Who can ever forget those times when he showed up as a guest at the "Church of what's happening now."

Timeless and unforgettable shit!

But what's got me going about Redd is that schtick he had when he was Fred Sanford, where about once per episode, on cue, he'd be having "the big one." He'd stagger around clutching his chest proclaiming "I'm coming to join ya, Elizabeth... this is the big one..."

Well, the other day, I was staggering around clutching my chest, and all I was saying was "something's wrong." And something was wrong. I'd taken the hounds out for their morning romp, and by God, I could hardly summon the strength to get home.

But I got home, staggered to the couch, and ten minutes later I was fine.

False alarm!

You'd think that'd be the end of that and we'd all celebrate by hoisting a few and firing up the bong!

You'd be wrong, wrong, wrong...

Instead, the Farm Manager is all over me going in to get "checked out."

Ya right...

First of all, I've got shit to do. Tommorow I'm taking Junior to the airport. Next day I'm gonna meet my pal Kipling for a lovely bacon and egg breakfast at the Teviotdale Truck Stop. Never mind bacon and eggs; if ya go for the "Hungry Man" you get bacon AND sausages...

And I have a sneaking hunch that after I am "checked out" both the bacon and the sausages will be verboten.

Maybe even the eggs...

See why this getting "checked out" shit isn't something I'm keen to rush into?

To say nothing of the beer and the smokes...

Anyway, I'm hoping to make out like Fred Sanford; have the false alarm once a week and continue with business as usual.

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