Saturday, August 23, 2014

Another promising career niche for the accomplished bullshitter; career coach

Have you noticed that as the economy's downward spiral unrelentingly gains momentum, the purely fictional advice of so-called career advisers reaches ever-loftier heights of absurdity?

Here's a few quotes from the Career Advice page in today's Globe. You decide.

Have you ever considered a career as a nostalgist?.. nostalgists will help design retirement homes for wealthy seniors that mimic settings from their favourite eras...

...robot counsellors will help pick the right robot to suit consumers' household needs.

Augmented reality - the overlaying of digital information on top of real-world experiences - is expected to emerge from its infancy with wide-ranging career opportunities...


The "nostalgist" of tomorrow sounds suspiciously like the interior decorator of today.

The "robot counsellor" used to be in auto sales.

I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for the jobs boom in augmented reality...

In the course of the article we are informed that these insights come from consulting with "thought leaders" and "foresight strategists". I'm guessing those are folks with sociology degrees who realized too late that rendered them unemployable, and were subsequently forced to make up some shit for their business cards and hope for the best.  

If you want to play it safe, aim for one of these careers:

  • truck driver; long hours, low pay, but it'll be twenty years before Googledrive makes you obsolete, giving you a chance to at least save for your funeral
  • PSW; Personal Service Workers are the folks who change your adult diaper and towel up your drool in your golden years; huge growth industry
  • shelf-stocker and related occupations; a very flexible field, whether you're a shelf-stocker at Walmart or a stock-picker at an Amazon warehouse, you're guaranteed steady minimum wage employment and plenty of exercise.
These are all jobs that have the distinct advantage of not requiring lengthy post-secondary education and crippling student loans. Chances are you'll find yourself working alongside some schmuck who has a sociology degree and $40 thousands in student debt to pay off.

Just be thankful you're not him!

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