Dan Gertler, the man who really understands negroes, claims to have made a huge oil discovery under Lake Albert in the north of the DRC.
Gertler is the second wealthiest man in Dan's Republic after President Joseph Kabila, although there is speculation in some quarters that Kabila is merely a figurehead, as it were, while Gertler himself wields the real power.
Gertler is a truly self-made man who arrived in DRC almost twenty years ago with only $27 in his pocket but a further $50 millions in a satchel, which he forthwith "loaned" to the father of the current president. The rest, as they say, is history.
Ever since that fortuitous loan, Gertler has gone from strength to strength and tax haven to tax haven as his manifold Congolese investments spew forth a gusher of profits for the shrewd investor... and that's before this bounteous bombshell.
Gertler claims this oil find could boost the impoverished nation's GDP by a full 25%. We'd be reluctant to bet on that, but there can be no doubt that it will surely enhance Gertler's accounts in those tax havens by such sums.
Gertler has in the past considered nominating himself for a Nobel Prize in recognition of his civilizing efforts in the DRC but held back because of his overwhelming sense of humility. We say enough of that; step out from the shadows and take a bow!
Dan Gertler for the Nobel!...
It sure pays to understand negroes!
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